Am I being led on by a straight guy? What to do...?

Your section The Guy reminds me of a very famous line from one of Shakesphere's plays "The Lady Doth Protest Too Much" in other words a Gay Guy in Denial will keep overstating that he is Straight even when he is not being asked!

 

While I do agree that people who over assert something are more often trying to convince themselves more so than others, I don't know if I'm completely sold on the fact that he might be not straight; you asking for advice to nudge him out of the closet implies that there's something there to nudge out and I'm not totally convinced there is.

The tortilla chip thing is kind of a red flag but the bromance thing is becoming more and more common these days and that might be how he's viewing it. While overt physical contact between two male friends used to be kind of taboo, it's becoming more and more common. So while you're right, there is a lot of weirdness between you two, I wouldn't necessarily say he's into you. I don't want to dash your hopes by playing devil's advocate, but at the end of the day it really is impossible to know unless he straight up tells you.

I mean he knows you're gay I'm assuming and he doesn't have a problem with it (though him avoiding doing something one on one and insisting he's straight would aggravate me, correlation doesn't imply causality); so what do you have to lose by admitting you at least like him? I mean at the end of the day it would alleviate some of the emotional pressure on you and even if all he does is remind you for the trillionth time that he's straight it's at least all out in the open.

 

I can't begin to tell you how well I understand your feelings in this situation. I'm going through almost exactly the same thing and I can tell you it's maddening. I just can't figure out why someone who is actually straight would want to toy with someone they know is gay. I guess I'm new to the whole idea of a bromance so I guess it could be hard for me to discern between that and actual romance. What I do know is that when a person makes it a point to announce that their straight at any opportunity it comes across as odd. Like, all my friends are straight guys and they all act quite, well, gay (for lack of a better term) sometimes. Now everyone knows it's all a joke and all in fun, and none of them feel the need to profess their straightness afterwards. My friend, much like yours, will quite often make it a point to mention that he's straight in a way. Recently it's been making gay jokes about me when we are around my opther friends.

Anywho, what I'm going through is often quite difficult for me. Much like yourself, I find myself in tears quite often. At this point I'm questioning how much longer I can take all this before I tell him I need to be away from him for an extended amount of time. I would hate to see it come to that as he is a great friend but my mental health comes first. I'm not sure how bad off you are because of all this, but sometimes I find this to be the only option. Maybe you can try setting up boundaries for him to not cross. Let him know that the things he does are confusing and hurtful to you. Maybe, if you're lucky, it will be a catalyst for him to look inwardly at his own feelings. At the very least i may give your emotions a much needed vacation. This is something I have yet to find the courage to do myself, as I've grown quite fond of our closeness and don't want to lose this feeling that someone loves me, whether they will admit it or not.

I guess what makes this sort of situation so difficult is that there isn't much you can do. If he is gay, he probably isn't ready to admit it, or maybe doesn't even know it himself. in this case you really can't nudge him into anything. He may be struggling with sexuality in general and again, nudging will probably be counterproductive. Then there is the chance that he really is as straight as he claims to be, and in that case, all you can do is set up boundaries and try to move on. Much easier said than done, and is quite honestly frightening. I know in my case, after everything we have been through. I don't know if i can continue this friendship in it's current form if my friend really is straight, and just sees all this as a very close bromance.

either way, best of luck to ya. I would be happy to hear more of how things play out, and equally as happy to offer any moer advice.

 

I read these on here all the time, does this straight guy like me???? Take this from a girl who has been hit on a lot by straight men over the years. So far it seems to always be the same MO or something close.

1st, they will strike up a conversation with you to: 2nd, they will find a excuse to get your number or address. For example "I fix ___ if you need some help..... 3rd, they will want to get you alone, so they will create a excuse to do so that sounds innocent or corner you alone while they are drinking beer feeling loose (not always drinking, depends on situation). For example this couple wanted to buy this used car at a dealer I worked for and he bumped into me at the coffee machine and he struck up a 5 min conversation with me and I went back to work thinking nothing about it other than thinking he was extremely buff. Next he insisted to the salesman that I (the mechanic) come and go over the condition of the car with him. next he insisted I take the test drive with him while his wife stayed to fill out papers with the salesman.(this never happened before and the salesman who also had the hots for me harassed me about it endlessly later) The husband was SMOKIN HOT!, mid 20's and I was too back then. About a block away while he was driving the car he unzipped his pants and pulled it out and asked for a BJ. I have noticed straight guys go straight to asking for a BJ if sex is on his mind. This guy was only around me for 10 min before the test drive. I will admit I did it, and he came back the next day, and several more times until I quit that job. That really happened in 1998 to me. Usuailly when a straight man wants sex they don't beat around the bush about it from my experence.

If they lead up to it then be prepaired to hear how she won't blo him, or maybe not giving him sex, or she treats him bad, basically he will badmouth his GF/wife to get your pity maybe for 30min or 3 weeks it depends on how quickly he thinks your game for it. They fear rejection big time. Sooner or later it will come up! LOL Pun intended! LOL

I have never found one who plays hard to get yet, in all my years. This one either is just close friends with you and is super comfortable with his sexuality, or is a closet case IMO. Maybe you should drop a hint or two, and keep in mind guys tend to let hints go over their heads if they don't see you that way. June

 

I have had one man act this way before. Only our relationship included sex. He is straight, got attracted to me, sent all sorts of hints, acted very much like you described leading up to the day he asked for sex, then freaked out the next day after we had sex. Off then on then off and so fourth! I felt like a yoyo! Fineally I had enough and asked him why? It turned out he fell in love with me over time and felt I was the woman he had been looking for, but was having trouble with the idea of anyone knowing about us because of my male body. If we became a couple, then people would have to find out and he could not handle that. So he passed me by, then realized he could not turn love off and wanted me, but too late. I got Mike and was no longer single. He tells me just about every time we are together he missed the once in a lifetime ONE and he regrets it and strange enough is still single turning women away.

Your guy might be going through something simulair. He might want more, but can't bring himself to go through with it worring what others might think. See he gets comfy, then reality happens and he pulls back. Going back and fourth, on than off again. My guy nearly drove me crazy before I confronted him to find out what was wrong. Otherwise I was about to go crazy! He may need a nudge, or simply more time! Now he may be straight and just playing with you. Anything is possable really, none of us on here can really say because we would need to watch him in action to be accurate. I would say drop some hints and see if he bites, or be direct but be prepaired for the worst. June

 

It's been almost 2 years since your post, and I can empathize with it. Are you OK, and where is this particular relationship now?

 

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry things didn't end well, but thanks because I feel like this prepared me for what's coming. I am currently in a similar situation and it sucks that gays usually get caught in this kind of situation. my story will probably end in a similar way, and I know it would hurt more than it already does now making me feel like i should just forget about it (the fantasies, the "possibilities," the delusions in general that he likes me back) and try to move on. my question is, had you known that this would be the result, would you still have told him about your feelings? Is it really worth it? a lot of people will give us this advise, knowing it might not end well, but hoping it might... if you know there is very little hope if any, would you still advise some in a similar situation to do what you did (Tell the guy)? Thanks a lot!

 

kudos for coming back after so long and posting an update.
sounds like he was just using you for emotional comfort. basically he was lonely and you filled that temporary gap.

hope you eventually find what you deserve.

 

I've had similar situation like this happen to me but not to the point of falling for the straights or the "straights". When they stress out that they are not attracted to the same sex, I take their word for it no matter how there are any red signals (or you know, that they are on a gay site). So I guess the trick for me is to not get emotionally attached.