Do you think my friend is gay and likes me back?

Are you out to him? If not, that's a step you have to take. We won't be able to tell you how he feels. We're not him.

 

I'll also throw on the fact that you worded to say "reasons and scenarios that make me hold out hope" makes me think that you probably don't think he's gay but would really, really like him to be.

 

So... Reasons and Scenarios please?

 

Really, all I'm getting from those situations is that when you try and get physically close to him, he moves you away.

 

So basically, you've listed two situations where you ended up inside his personal space and he removed you from it.

That's what I'm reading, but it doesn't seem to be what you're recalling. I'd like to say we're focusing on different parts of the story, but I'm not sure if you'd agree with me.

Regardless, if this guy has been a long-time friend of yours and you haven't noticed any painfully obvious signs yet that he's gay or into you (I'm talking like "trying to make out with you" obvious), I severely doubt they're going to come by anytime soon. Even if he is gay, it's pretty clear he doesn't want to go past that boundary, so it's in your best interest if you try to respect that.

Whether or not you move on from your crush, however, is up to you. I'd say it's a good idea to move on, but that's not my decision to make. If you want help with that, that's where we can help best.

 

Er. Ok. So in your first scenario he acted quite decisively to stop you from touching him and in the second he chose to grab you while in the middle of falling to try to regain his balance rather than just fall?

I'm sorry, but I'm not seeing anything even remotely gay or bi here. In the first scenario, he did what I would expect most straight guys to do, unless the expectation is that a straight guy would have tried to knock your hand or you away much more forcefully rather than simply grabbing and moving.

In the second, you put him in a situation in which he reacted instinctively and without thinking (people don't plan out how to react when in the middle of tripping and falling). His moving you by putting his hands on your waist doesn't strike me as indicative of anything either, I'm afraid.

My 2c worth,

Todd

 

Well, I wouldn't forcefully push a girl off of me if she hugged-then-fell on me... but it doesn't make me straight either.

I think that's just called "being considerate".

 

Him not wanting to offend you would probably stem from you being friends. Seriously, I know how it feels to really, really want to believe someone's gay, but from someone not looking at him through lust-tinted goggles, nothing you're saying indicates that he is.

If you want to know if he's gay, come out to him first. Think about the best-case scenario, in which he's into you - if you don't come out to him, you can't expect him to magically know that you want him.

 

Hm. If you've been friends for so long, he might simply be inclined to be more careful or gentle vs it being a matter of feeling 'that way' about you.

I don't have much of a sense one way or the other re the slapping and grabbing since these could just be a variant of punching you in the arm or something to get your attention. How close is 'very close'?

Re sitting on your lap - if he were doing it when you were alone together that might mean something, but if he just does it in class it seems to me to be more a matter of him clowning around, possibly based on the theory that you're straight and so are being bothered by a guy sitting on your lap. Or goofing around with the idea of him being gay and sitting on your lap or just being 'childish' and sitting on your lap the way a little kid would.

If he were sitting on your lap when its only the two of you and simply not moving, I'd also semi-expect that he'd have already made some effort to push things beyond that point if he were actually thinking along those lines.

Again, I'm not getting a 'he's gay/bi' vibe here. Sorry:/

Todd

 

If these are more suspect, why didn't you lead with these stories instead of the other ones?

It really sounds like you're grasping at straws here.

And yes, straight guys can admire other guys' bodies. Otherwise workout magazines wouldn't exist, nor would they have ridiculously ripped guys on the front of them.

 

Let's be real for a second here. You came to a forum looking for honest support and advice. We're giving you honest support and advice by telling you we doubt that he's into you. You're still fighting us on that point.

If didn't really want to hear any other opinions besides the one that says "oh yeah man, he MUST be into you", why did you ask in the first place?

EC lives and thrives off of the fact that people are willing to be honest with each other. Whether you find that valuable or not is up to you, but that's the way things tend to run around here.

 

Hrmm. Better, but still not definite. If he's envious of your body (particularly abs, which are the subject of 4 out of 5 infomercials on cable), then I can see him definitely asking about your workout routines and such. Unless you were running a stopwatch on him, I'm not inclined to buy the '10s staring at your abs' thing simply because human beings are notoriously bad witnesses (really, all crime shows aside, humans are terrible at viewing events objectively/accurately). It may have felt like 10s to you, but only been 2-3).

The touching your torso bit is provocative, and certainly the best 'evidence' you've presented so far, but I'm still not ready to say it's a definite.

Ultimately and at the end of the day, it sounds like you are asking for some definite sign that he's into guys, presumably so you can take the risk of coming out to him and then presumably telling him how you feel about him, with those feelings hopefully being returned. Unfortunately, nothing you've presented thus far is anywhere near definite enough. If you caught him looking at gay porn or found evidence of same, or he was taking some action toward you that was far more definite and longer duration, then that might count as evidence of something. But nothing so far is that definite and could just be a matter of him being a long-time friend who is comfortable around you. Again, sorry. If it were possible to tell you that he is with certainty, I think everyone here would be happy to do so. But we can't.

Ultimately, it may come down to you taking the risk of coming out to him and seeing what happens next. You've said you know he's not homophobic, so presumably it wouldn't end the friendship and he could be supportive. But he might just be a straight friend and he might not sit on your lap or the like anymore.

Todd

---------- Post added 12th May 2013 at 10:46 PM ----------

Sorry, this doesn't do it. Straight guys talk about all kinds of stuff that can seem weird (I once had to listen to a 20 min exposition from a guy who at a bachelor party who just had to tell the whole table about how his son had recently discovered masturbation. Why any of us needed to know this escaped me. Why we had to know all the details of how he got him a towel and made him throw it in the wash on a regular basis and what all else REALLY escaped me. Also blew my whole image of what straight guys talk about. Anyway).

I spent half of college in locker rooms filled with naked guys and showered with my roommate and neighbors when I lived in the dorm. Saw all of them naked too. Nobody cared and most everybody there was straight (except me of course and I generally had other things on my mind and certainly wasn't checking anyone out. Well, not much or often anyway.

Todd

 

Your first step would be to tell him you're bi, and see how he reacts to that. Don't tell him you like him right away - give him time to react to you being bi and see how it effects your friendship from there on. If you really think he's gay/bi then you could tell him how you feel, i've been in the same situation with one of my friends and it turned out he was straight but he was completely cool with me being gay and liking him. We're still really close friends.

Good luck

 

When it comes down to it, you have two options:

1. Do nothing. Let things continue as they are, keep assuming that every glance or physical contact means something, and have this go nowhere.

2. Come out to him. Many things could happen from here, and it's the catalyst for something to happen. Anything. Good or bad.

You can't really expect to just stay as you are and have him come to you and tell you he wants a closeted relationship with you. If you're so desperate to be with him, you need to be prepared to come out to him.