How am I going to deal with him?

Have you considered briefly starting up a conversation on the topic of trans*, like sayin something in the lines of; "Growing up in the wrong body must be really hard, especially if they`re treated as an outcast by society", just to measure his response a bit? Also, casually watching a TV program on the subject, or playing one you`ve recorded, might give him some information without actively enforcing it on him. Another idea is leaving an information leaflet on the subject somewhere in the house, where he`s bound to see it. Softening him up a bit might also help you feel a bit more comfortable.

Other than that, I would work on improving your overall relationship before coming out to him. How much does he know about who you are? Are the tension between you related to things the two of you say, are there any invisible emotional walls put up due to the conflict you fear is going to come? Remember, we cannot control the behavior or reaction of other people, but we can control and work on our own, and by doing that we are doing what we can to better a situation, regardless of how open he is to do the same. Also, people react to how we are, if we are defensive, the other person often becomes defensive as well, and often we aren`t aware of the signal we`re sending.

Don`t get me wrong, I am not saying that this is all your responsibility, nor that it`s all up to you to fix it. Often we wish that our parents could be the intelligent and mature people that parents ought to be, not to mention accepting and loving. But parents are people too, and people all have flaws. Sometimes we have to be the better, if they fail to handle the situation in a proper manner. Sometimes, when we want to be accepted, we have to accept and forgive first. It doesn`t sound fair, I know, but there`s how the ideal world works, and how the real world works, and sometimes we have to set our pride aside and just be the better person.

My point is, when you are with him, try to see him as a flawed, insecure and unenlightened person, who doesn`t mean any malice, but are simply not equipped to handle certain subjects in a positive manner. And then think of ways you can help him reach a better understanding, and feel less treathened by the subject. If he raises his voice, keep yours low. It`s not a sign of defeat or submission, it`s simply you taking control of the situation so that it doesn`t escalate. If he starts going of the subject, you try to bring it back in a rational way, without following him out of said subject. If you feel that you`re about to get really pissed off, take a step back, take a deep breath and if needed, leave the room. And if you do end up flying off the handle, and say something you probably shouldn`t have, go to him afterwards and appologize. Sure, you may know that you`re not the one at fault, but being the better man and the better example will soften his walls a bit, make him see his own reaction in a different light. It doesn`t work every time, but often people respond to empathy and understanding in a very different way than they respond to anger and disappointment. It can be the best way to handle family conflicts, if executed right. It`s very hard (if you`re a decent person) to act like a sack of crap towards someone who`s being nice and polite towards you, without feeling guilty about it afterwards. And that guilt can trigger him to analyze his behavior in a different way, or shrug it off, but subconciously act in a different manner the next time you have the conversation.

Also, try to be as clear as you can when you communicate. Appeal to his emotions, but be clear about it. Like, you could say that you have gotten to know some extremely nice and kind people, who happen to be homosexual, and it hurts you sometimes when he speaks about homosexuals in a mean way, because you consider these people your friends and people get protective over their friends. Then, the next time he brings up the subject, you could say nothing, and simply leave the room. That way, he`ll start connecting his attitude towards LGBT people with the wall that`s come up between the two of you. Another thing you could do, is tell him straight up and honestly, that you feel that certain disagreements the two of you have are having a negative effect on your relationship, that he`s your father and you love him, and you hate the way that the two of you are arguing so often. This way, you are appealing to his emotions, and it will probably (if he`s a decent father) resonnate with his own inner thoughts, because no decent father likes feeling like he`s losing the relationship with his child, so he`s bound to struggle with that, even if he`d never admit it. Some fathers can be very proud, which by the way goes for mothers as well.

Hopefully, time will help change his mind, and at least when you move out, if you live at home now, you`ll be able to put actual space between you, so that he`ll see the consequence of his attitude in a way that might force him to change his attitude. I know it`s tough to deal with this, but hang on in there. People have changed before, they`ll continue changing, and love is a good catalyst for someone to make a change.
Be the better person, and remember that the most important ally you have is yourself, and your own acceptance of who you are.
*Big hug!*

 

Testing the water with parents...
FemCasanova is right, but be careful not to come across as smug or condescending. Whenever I interact with my family on LGBT stuff I tend to get mixed signals. I still love them, but my life is basically removed from them. It's not fun, but I'm used to it. You have to be ready for that so go into any conversation with your father with realistic expectations. Once people get past a certain age, they're pretty much set in their ways and probably won't change their minds no matter what you say. If your father is only in his late 30's to his 40's, then maybe he'll still be more open to changing his views. I wouldn't press your luck if he's older than that. It might help if you seek out some trans* friends for support in your neighborhood. Hell, if he gets to know some of them then maybe the idea won't feel so alien to him.