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I am not brave enough to start a conversation with another woman.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by robin363, May 13, 2013.

  1. robin363

    robin363 Guest

    I recently came out to a few close friends and I have been attending a gay bar occasionally on the weekend to try and eventually get to know a few woman and hopefully become friends later. I have been told that this will help me to become proud of who I am and learn more about myself. The problem is I am literally too nervous to even say one word to any of the women at this bar. I feel like I am back in highschool (i am 29).It feels silly to me to be my age and feel afraid to talk to someone. I have no problem talking to men or women that I see in a club that isnt directed to a gay clientelle. I know that I need to actually talk to people or I will never get to know anyone but I camnot come up with the courage.I am normally a almost fearless person but this one has me at a standstill. Has anyone else been through this?:icon_redf
     
  2. Anthemic

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    Even though I've never been to a gay club, or any club for that matter, I feel this way quite often. Though, I think my problem is because I never initiate anything related to sexual attraction or a relationship. I'd much rather be pursued. But then the thought comes to mind... "What if the girl that catches my eye is too nervous to speak to me?" And then I could be missing out on what could turn into something great.
     
  3. robin363

    robin363 Guest

    I am like that as well, I have always been the person that others approach first and rarely the person that approaches someone. I very likely have missed opportunities because of that. I do wonder if there have been women that wanted to speak to me but were just as nervous. I was very shy as a child and teenager and I forced myself to speak to people and become braver but that was in scenarios with men. I have no idea how to approach women and it took me a long time to figure men out so hopefully it does not take as long this time. Maybe I just need to become more comfortable with myself first as the best way to get someone to talk to you is just by being yourself but too bad its easier said than done. I knew how attractive I felt about myself around men but I do not know how women view me and it kind of makes me wonder about my self esteem as it relates to women being attracted. I wish there was a manual on this. :confused:
     
  4. pinklov3ly

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    I've been to a gay club a couple of times, but always with a few friends. I'd have to say that my experiences were great, and watching the drag queens was so awesome! I suffer from anxiety, but I had no problem talking to the ladies. I felt so comfortable being around women who were like myself, which allowed me to let my guard down. Drinking helped me a bit, so maybe after a few drinks you will feel more comfy to initiative a conversation.

    You could always give the girl who you find attractive a compliment. I have a habit of doing so and practice makes perfect! Start by complimenting her shoes and or hair; it usually works and it puts a smile on their face. And that way, you will be able to break the ice to initiative a conversation.

    If you're still not feeling brave, try having a friend be your wingwoman. I don't recommend that you ask a friend to approach someone you may like because they could get the wrong impression. However, having people you're normally comfortable around, will help you let your guard down. Good luck!
     
    #4 pinklov3ly, May 13, 2013
    Last edited: May 13, 2013
  5. robin363

    robin363 Guest

    Thank you for your advice. I will try that next time. Maybe if I bring an outgoing friend with me that might help to break the ice with more people.
     
  6. Femmeme

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    That's what I do. I have a super supportive outgoing straight friend that goes to gay bars with me. It makes it so much more relaxed and fun.
     
  7. clarkec1

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    I have never been to a club or anything, but still I am 13, so it would be a bit weird. Maybe you should actually go to normal clubs directed at all orientations, if that's where you feel most comfortable and relaxed. Down,t put pressure on yourself either, it may only make you more nervous, and could potentially avoid in embarrassment. If you feel the time is right, and you are comfortable and feel attracted to the person, or just want to be friends, approach them. You would be surprised how easy and laid-back it all is once you have got past the initial introduction.

    Good Luck in everything that comes your way!
     
  8. robin363

    robin363 Guest

    Thank you for your advice. You are right, by putting pressure on myself it does make it more difficult. I imagine at some point I will meet someone and if it is right it will happen.