We're both gay and I used to like him

So here's the story. I'm 20 and I have this best friend. We're both gay. And we're really really close. I had a huge crush on him like two years ago. And I didn't actually confess to him. But he eventually found out through ways that I won't wanna tell unless you guys want me to. I don't think it really matters that's why I won't include it. So we didn't talk and we were really cold to each other. He wanted me to apologise cause he thought that I wanted to somehow ruin our friendship by liking him. And I was stubborn and refused and he was stubborn too and yeah..this went on for few weeks until I had the balls to go up and tell him I promise we will stay just friends and that's it. After that slowly everything became okay and less awkward till now where it's completely normal like nothing ever happened. Sure we mentioned me liking him a few times just as a casual joke and just laugh it off or something but other than that it is normal. But here's the catch. I think I still like him. And it's beginning to grow deeper now. Normally when this happens I always force myself and tell myself that we're just friends and nothing more than that. We cannot get into a relationship. But then again I always have this urge of treating him special, nice and I care about him more than I do to my other friends. To me he is my younger brother who needs constant attention, care and love. And I always feel like I'm generous with all that. I just don't want my feelings to get the better of me and fuck it up again like before. I want to make the feelings vanish so that both of us can be normal and stay that way. And no, he doesn't know that my feelings are back again. But I always have this paranoid suspicion that he knows.

 

No unfortunately he doesn't. He wants to just stay ad friends and nothing more

 

Yeah that's the thing. He doesn't seem to have any intentions of looking at me the same way as I look at him.

---------- Post added 16th May 2013 at 01:26 AM ----------

I hang out with him often. Normally it's only the both of us alone because all my other friends are far away in another city or somewhere so it's only us stuck in this place. So we often find each other if we wanna go out or something. I was thinking that going out with him often like normal friends do would slowly solve the problem which it did, but not for long. Often when we went out together I would always think that we were dating or something. It's all in my head huh. But one thing is for sure, we've been too much together and ditching is not an option I would consider. We're too close. Unfortunately not enough for him to want to date me.

---------- Post added 16th May 2013 at 01:28 AM ----------

I'm actually pretty touched that you guys actually replied and left your opinions and stuff. It's really nice. I thought that nobody would reply to this thread. Thank you all I guess I just wanted a place to let it all out without anybody knowing. If you guys have a similar situation, feel free to share aite?