Hi again! For some context you can see my first thread here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/family-friends-relationships/94058-advice-desperately-needed.html Things for me have gotten worse the past couple days. I've been working this boring job and I've been wondering what he is doing all day every day. Today, he had lunch with a very attractive gay guy. Yesterday, he was out partying and drinking after having over a guy I think he used to sleep with. I don't know if he's doing anything with them or not, I just know that I wish I was there with him! Honestly, I can't stop thinking about him and it is killing me to have not seen him now for two weeks with no set time when I'll see him again. We text and chat online as much as we can. I'm just so worried he will lose interest and find a guy much better looking than me and then it's over.
You know, if you are worried about him falling for someone else in two weeks, do you really think he's worth your time?
I read your other thread. Two points I want to make: Repeating one thing that someone said in the other thread: He likes you, and even more, likes a confident you because he is always trying to encourage you. When you were up at college, he chose to spend all his nights with you. Not with others. It is quite possible that he is not attracted to guys that are like him - personality or looks or whatever. So try not to get jealous or frantic about him being around other guys. The other point is that you say that you and him talk deeper than either of you do with anyone else. So maybe you should talk to him about your "relationship." Because the other key thing here is that you are not in a defined relationship with this guy. And likely cannot be until you are more forthright about talking to him about that sort of thing. Which maybe would have to wait until after the summer, or at least till you see him next. I mean it's obvious he cares for you a lot. Maybe loves you. But you are not a couple. That could be because he doesn't want a relationship, doesn't want to be public about having a boyfriend, or something else. Might be something to figure out.
Thanks for the advice! You are definitely right. I'm not sure how to approach the "relationship." I know for sure he is going to be totally out eventually and is increasingly out of the closet. He will probably be the first gay President I truly believe that! And so this won't have to continue on forever but I am also not out to almost anyone. This is the worst part about not being straight: having to play this game. If one of us was female, we would be showing our love to the entire world. Instead, it is something only between us and a few others. I don't know who has it easier in terms of coming out. He is more well known and it would get a lot more attention, but he is already rich and connected and I think (as he does) that being gay will be a political advantage even! For me, I'm not nearly as well known but that means if I were to come out completely people would just know me as a "gay guy" which I really don't want.
Obsessed is a very harsh word to use. I prefer, fascinated, interested and curious. You are certainly not obsessed, if you were you would literally be stalking him, and killing people to see him and be with him. I think that you are just suspicious and worried that he may be going out with or interested in another guy, and therefore, you just want to know what he is doing, who with, when, where, and how often. And let me confirm this to you: you are not obsessed you are just concerned. And the guy that he seems to be spending a lot of time with could just be a friend. I personally find some of my friends attractive, but I wouldn't go out with them, and he might well be thinking the same about his friends. Don't looks into things too deeply, someone might be crushing on me of the same gender, and when they see me with another guy, usually a friend, they might think that I am going out with them, when I am not. And I would never go out with them. It's like saying if we are straight, and you saw a girl that you like with a boy, would you be instantly convinced that they were in a relationship? You might be, and I might be, but it's nothing that you can confirm and conclude upon. As for the other guy being more attractive than yourself, I don't think that means anything. I think that my friends are more attractive than myself, and many other people would probably agree, but nobody - as I know of - is suspicious that we are in a romantic relationship. So, looks and attractiveness don't really make a difference, you can find a person astonishingly and mind-blowingly attractive from the outside, but you might not love them, and that might be the case between your crush, and the guy he is with a lot more often. Try to imagine you're straight,band didn't feel romantically attracted to whom, would you be suspicious that they are going out, or just friends? Probably just friends, so once again don't look into things in too much detail. Just relax, take things as they come, and take it one step at a time, you never know what glory may surprise you around the corner, and you never know how close that surprise could be... Good Luck in whatever you choose to do, and in whatever comes your way!
Thanks clarkec1! If I put myself in the shoes of a girl dating a guy and I am away or he is on a trip, and he is hanging out just with attractive women, I think I'd be a little worried though. We were spending a lot of time together and it's true that he chose me but now each day we are talking less. I'm trying to keep his interest by sending him good electro songs, mostly ones involving sex in some way and he's responding with the same so I guess that is a good sign! By the way, I'd love to share pictures of me and him with some of you...any way I can message?
Mostly from what he tells me and what gets posted on Facebook. I don't have a camera on him don't worry!
You know, if he's telling you straight up what he's doing, I don't think there is anything going on between him and the other dudes. Usually people who are doing shady business won't disclose their activities. Go out and have fun(!)
