So, this past summer, I went to my dad's house for summer vacation (mom and dad are divorced), and didn't really know/have anyone to hang out with besides this kid in my neighborhood, let's call him Z. So I hung out with Z for a while, got to meet some of his friends. One of his friends, in particular, lets call him S, was very helpful, he offered to show me around the suburbs where me and Z lived. So whenever i'd want to go somewhere, i'd call S and have him help me go there, i got to meet some of S's friends and it was great. Well all of S's friends knew S liked me, and kept saying things like "you should get together!" and all that blah blah blah. So one night, i invited S over, and i had never been intimate with anyone before, so things happened. I was never emotionally or physically attracted to S, i was just lonely, and wanted to know what being with someone else felt like. :bang::bang::bang::bang: Now i feel horrible for using him, when he wanted something more.. so eventually i just come straight out and tell him i wasn't interested in him, and i guess he accepted it. So i had some family issues and ended up moving in with my dad, and have been avoiding S all school year. I feel like an a** for doing that to him, and am afraid to confront him after nearly 8 months have passed since i talked to him, despite our friends wanting us to become friends again.. I don't know what i should do... i mean i have friends of my own, barley ever talk to Z or any of Z or S's friends, but have made some friends that are close friends with S, and THEY want us to be friends again.. the whole thing is conflicted. I mean i'm not afraid of him going after me again, i have a girlfriend now, but i just don't know what i should do..
Why are you afraid to confront him? Do these friends know the reason why you stopped becoming friend with S? All I'm getting is that the mutual friends that both you and S have wants both of you to reconcile, but does S says he wants to become friend with you again? I don't mean it in a bad way, what I'm trying to say is that I'm sensing you are more conflicted with the situation than he does because I don't know anything about S's perspective on this matter (that is, what he thinks about becoming friends again with you, does he know his friends want him and you befriend again). It is clear that this situation is troubling you and if I were you I don't like unresolved issue or prolonged problem which could affect my life during the time. You need closure. I would, personally, confront the problem so that I could ease the worry and move on, whatever the result. I'm trying to say that I think it is better for you to plan a meetup with S to just pour everything out, but stay in control at same time. If it doesn't work out, then you both decide on the best outcome and move on. Now, it's been 8 months since you last talk to him? Again, I don't know what his thoughts are but chances are that he might already forget about it and moved on. And as you said below: If you were right, it was not a big deal to him. But at the same time, I think if you decide to confront him, explain why you avoided him and from the quote above maybe you have a long overdue apology to him as well. If he's understanding, he will appreciate your courage of trying to make things better. You're 16, you're young and there's nothing to lose. Once you graduated, these will become things in the past and just be story, but you might wonder all the time of the "what if" I confronted S back then.
Thanks, i defiantly hate leaving loose ends untied, but it just seems so awkward.. I talked to my friend at school about it today and she said why worry about it, it was just peer pressure getting to me to make me want to become friends, which is in part true. I think you're right and tomorrow i'm just going to bite the bullet and talk to him (we have the same lunch together) But i'm not sure what to say to him.... that's what I've been trying to figure out. Its not so much I've been avoiding the problem, just never could think of a right way to fix the problem :/ Ps. I'm pretty sure S has a boyfriend at the moment anyway.. and would it be better for a face to face confrontation or a message through facebook..? UGH! This is nerve-wrecking.. Q.Q
I know that feeling too well. I had a very good friend in High School whom I've known since Primary School who came out in our last year of school (2007-8). I was really in denial about being gay back then because I was seriously in love with a girl, and although I initially said to him that I didn't mind that he was gay, I gradually reduced my interaction with him, and although he was a very good friend, once High School ended, we never talked again. Since I've finally accepted myself, came out (5 years later), and knowing that I also currently have the opportunity to talk to him, I've been wanting to try and contact him again, but I feel so bad for distancing myself from him when he needed help after he came out (he lost a lot of friends and his father is a total ass) because of my own insecurities at the time, that I just can't figure out where to start. Heck, I'm not even sure he realized I distanced myself from him because he was gay, but the thought of taking advantage of this makes me really uncomfortable.
One of Brené Brown's mantras is "Choose discomfort over resentment" That's applicable when you don't want to do something, but do so anyway, because it's uncomfortable to say no. In this case, I'm going to paraphrase and say, "choose discomfort over avoidance." You're avoiding him because you did something that was wrong, and you're embarrassed or ashamed about that. But you have a friendship that should go deeper than the mistake you made. But it's the avoidance that's keeping you from resolving the friendship. And the thing to remember is... the discomfort that eliminates the avoidance, just like the discomfort that eliminates resentment... is very transient. It lasts only a few seconds, maybe a few minutes at worst. And once it's over, it's over. Either he'll be willing to rekindle the friendship, or politely thank you and that will be the end of it. Either way, he will appreciate your honesty and you'll have let go of the shame you're holding onto about this issue. So I see it as a win-win.
You're right. Sigh.. awkward day tomorrow... now time to sleep.. finals and whatnot:tears::tears::tears::tears:
