sigh. I feel like the only times I post here anymore is just 'I slept with a guy and now I need you to help me react' but yeah. I did a thing again. I was at the students union with a friends and she left me alone 'to go to the bathroom'. The moment she left a guy started dancing with me - according to her he had been motioning at her to leave me with him. We ended up going home together. The next morning we were chatting and I learnt his surname (only got the first the night before *shame*). As it would turn out I have heard of this guy. He has a 'reputation'. He's had sex with 3 people I know and some more that I know of (he's a reputation as a 'creepy old man', as he's a year older than us). Worst of all is that asked my best friend for nude pics via facebook early last term (which earned him the nickname 'Firstname 'Pix Plz' Surname' among my friends). Needless to say, when my flatmate saw him leaving my room I thoroughly got the piss taken out of me and within a few hours EVERYONE in my friendship group knew about it. The thing is that I now feel like I don't regret it as much as I should. I mean, he was nice to me and we seemed to get on. I feel like I would say yes if he asked to see me again. But my friends are judging me pretty hard right now, even given that I didn't know who he was; they would give me HELL if I knowingly did anything with him. TL;DR - I'm torn between the two sides of this guy I know of. First, my friends' disapproval and the previous reputation of him they've built up. Second, the fact that up until the point where it clicked who he was in my mind I was just having a good time with a nice guy who seemed in to me. Of course it could all moot anyway, as he may not even ever text me. (Although he did add me on facebook a few hours after he left my room) (Sidenote - we used condoms, I get regular checks; just before you ask)
Hm. So let's see here.. First, you imply that you've certainly had sex with some number of guys before this one. So where is the line between just having sex with a guy and doing it with so many that you get a 'reputation'? I guess I'm sort of seeing a bit of a glass house here if you're thinking of throwing stones. The same applies to your friends btw - are they all innocent virgins or not? If not, then how's the view from all that window space? Second - I'm not sure how a year age difference is supposed to mean anything. Then again, there's a much larger difference between my partner and I so I'm probably not going to see it. But even by the more conservative standards I've seen expressed about age differences on EC, a 1yr difference seems very little to get excited over. You're 18, he's 19. Who cares? The nude pics thing is perhaps the most problematic thing in all this, but without knowing the context in which the pix were requested, can't say much on it. Certainly there is a segment of the gay male population that does this sort of thing. What was the situation in which this guy asked your friend for pics and what (if anything) was your friend doing to set up that situation? Simply going about his business or doing something with this guy that would lead to the request being made? The answer to that (and a determination on the truth or not of the allegation itself) may have a significant impact on every other consideration. Finally, your friends giving you a hard time. I certainly respect my friends opinions on stuff. But I'm not beholden to it and at the end of the day I will do as I please. Unless they are concerned for your safety or happiness in some specific fashion, their main objections seem to be centered around his age and various alleged actions that don't directly impact them but which they find distasteful. Ultimately, however, you are the one who had sex with him, and you are the one who may or may not do it again or do anything else with him. So how do YOU feel about him? Because it's really none of your friends business who you sleep with. Now all that said, this guy may not be interested in doing anything more with you. Or maybe he will be. If he is (and you want to) then you should determine what he's wanting out of any future interactions. Is he looking for a FWB situation? More than that? Either way, a certain amount of discussion would then be in order to determine past history, boundaries, expectations or (in the case of something more), the truth or not of his 'reputation' so you can make an accurate assessment about how you feel about it and what you may (or may not) want to do with him moving forward. My 2c worth, Todd
I feel 'some number' implies a lot - I've had sex with 3 people in my life*. I think I didn't explain the reasons for his negative rep very well here. Just to clarify, I do feel like it is blown out of proportion by my friends (drama students, go figure.) I'm in my first year at uni and he is in the second. Right from the start of the year he became known to me for having sex with the first years. I don't know how many, all I know is that the ones I know of (6) are probably not the only ones. It is not a problem for me how many people somebody has slept with, nor is it for my friends; it's more of a case that they find it odd he is apparently only interested in first years. This, in addition to a general 'vibe' he gives off (which I must say I didn't notice on meeting him for the first time that night) has lead them giving a reputation as being somewhat 'creepy'. My best friend is kinda shady about the context under which they were asked for. He just says they were 'chatting' when he asked for them, though nobody knows why they were talking or how they know each other in the first place. I'd been kinda pushing for details since it happened a few months ago but I figured if he wasn't going to tell me he's taking it to his grave and gave up. This interaction is the main source of antipathy against him among my friends. I agree that context is everything, which is what makes the lack of context frustrating. In terms of my friends, it's less about the fact that I hooked up with somebody, more about the fact that they don't like who I hooked up with. And that kinda clouds any rationality of a judgement I could make about it at the moment. Though once again; he may not contact me. And I would be fine with that. But I would also be fine if he wanted to do something again. And generally, I feel like if ever there was a time to be up for whatever it would be now given that I've only just come out and started doing things with guys. I'm really just over thinking everything and using the internet to get it down and organised (although I'm failing miserably at staying coherent). I'm horrifically indecisive and really easy going to the point that I tend to just let things happen to me (I don't see it as a bad thing though). I guess in a case like this I'll just do what I always do and just see what happens. *it was more a statement about the regularity of me posting lately than about the number of people I've slept with.
No worries It could be 3 guys or 30 guys or 300 guys and it wouldn't bother me at all. Not being snide here either. A good friend of mine claims to have had sex with literally hundreds of guys at one point in his life. He's still a good friend. Wasn't placing any sort of moral context here, and trying to put things in perspective. I do like it that you seem to be taking a more levelheaded approach to this than your friends. Hmm. I suppose it's possible there's something about first years that he finds attractive or has a thing for. If nothing else you are 'new faces' (or 'fresh meat' if you want to take a darker view of it). Then again, it could just be coincidence since he was presumably a first year last year and also presumably wasn't hooking up with high schoolers. I do somewhat wonder about how busy he must have been if he managed to have this rep 'right from the start' of the year (and managed to sleep with 6 different people) all in the last 4.5 months. This could either be a product of his having a thing for first years or a bit of exaggeration of his rep. It should also be noted that it takes 2 to tango and if his rep was so bad among your friends why were so many sleeping with him? Or are these 6 more like acquaintances and your friends are another group entirely? Hmm. Barring some more definite facts (or at least testimony) on this, I'd suggest that you take it as a data point, but not a very useful or serious one. It's essentially hearsay and from a witness who is uncooperative. I guess at this point, I'd say that you're correct that he may not contact you again or might not be interested if you were to contact him. In which case, it was a fun night and you move on with your life. If he gets in touch again or you get the opportunity again, then I'd say you need to be cautious and not have any expectations about where it will go unless you see definite evidence to imply that he wants it to become something more and that you do to. And always always practice safe sex. Basically practice common sense for this sort of situation in other words. If you see him again and it looks like it could turn into something more than a FWB situation then you should have a talk with him about his rep and try to get his side of things. What you decide to do from there will likely be based on balancing what he says vs what you've heard. Note in all of this that your friends aren't playing a role, since as mentioned before they don't get a say in this IMHO. Anyway, my 2c worth, Todd
Everything Todd said basically. But I'm a little confused about why exactly your friends hate this guy so much. Did they actually say what he's done? Cuz if it's just the 1 yr age difference then that is super shallow on their part. The pic thing is kinda a creepy and you shouldn't give those to him. (To me a naughty pic is a present I would only consider giving to a long time, committed boyfriend/girlfriend if one of us were going on a trip or something.) Don't give a bunch of nude pics to some guy you just met a week ago and has a reputation for sleeping around.
