So I am in my mid 30s and came out about 6 months all because I met the man of my dreams and knew I had to take chance. The amazing news is that we hit off from the start and have been dating ever since. However, I have found since the beginning I am plagued by insecurities. I do my best to control them and not act out on them, but they are really wearing me down. The primary insecurities I have are: 1.) The boy friend will break up with me / cheat on me / or hurt me in some other fashion 2.) I am not attractive enough to have some one love me Now, he has never done anything to make me feel insecure. I have no reason to believe that he is or will cheat on me, or that he doesn’t feel attracted to me. I know this intellectually, but my feelings seem to run away on their own and always to a negative place. I also suspect that part of my trouble is that not only is this my first gay relationship, but it is really my first relationship whatsoever. When I was trying to be straight, I never dated a girl longer than 3 months, and more often a month or 6 weeks was about it. And these were few and far between. So I really have very little dating experience gay or straight. How do I combat these insecurities? I’d like to be able to just enjoy being in this relationship without all of these worries and hypothetical fears. My biggest fears are that I'll act out on my insecurities and push him away because of them.
What you told us is what you should tell him. NOT that you think he will cheat on you, but that you feel insecure (focus on how you feel, use the "I" word a lot), for the reasons you have outlined... Six months is about the time when that magical feeling of a new relationship begins to subside and deeper things start taking over; it's a good time to have this discussion and I guarantee that it will make your relationship stronger, because you are setting some boundaries and letting him know where you stand (he may also have a few insecurities of his own)...again an excellent time to just sit down and discuss in a place that is free of distractions.
