Hi everyone, If you want any detailed backstory you can see my other threads: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/family-friends-relationships/94058-advice-desperately-needed.html and http://emptyclosets.com/forum/family-friends-relationships/94342-obsessed-over-him.html Basically, I was/am/maybe never was in a relationship of sorts with a guy I absolutely love and who I believe loves me. There is an age/wealth/power differential but it never seemed to matter, however much I worried about it. But the past week, it got very difficult. My parents made me come home and work for the summer and I have been working 10 hour days and had little time to talk with him. Yesterday, he was about an hour away from my hometown and wanted to come over but I had to work. Today, he and I spoke and he said he thinks we should make it clear we aren't in a relationship since neither of us are yet out. He sounded stern when he said he shouldn't be upset if he was to sleep with other guys since we aren't in a relationship. He said he loved me and wanted to be with me, but that he thinks I need to think about what I want in a relationship and whether I need a few years to decide that. He sounded really sad when we got off the phone. I really don't know what to think. I love this guy and I think he loves me. How can I possibly keep this going when I am down here for months while he is in our college town surrounded by beautiful guys? How can I convince him I know what I want and that what I want is him? I've been super depressed every day being away from him and it's only gotten worse.
Well, have you told him how you feel? I might start with that if you haven't. And stress it as much as possible. I'm honestly not sure how to make him believe you, but if it's meant to be it'll work out. I know I'm not being much of a help at all right now, but you should tlk to some other ppl about this.
I'm just not sure how to put it. I'm not out, that's true! I'm very young, that's true! Everything he said was true. Maybe he is right...maybe I need some time to see if he really is the one. I just know right now that he is!
Here's the the thing: He's also quite young and he's not out either. The big thing seems to be that you aren't around him and are not able to just drop everything to see him because of your circumstances. To be blunt, if he's not mature enough to realize that there are some things that just have to be done (like working for a living) or that sometimes you just have to wait for things, then maybe you need to give some thought to whether he's mature enough for you or really is the one. I know that thought can kind of hurt, but I still think its worth thinking about. Todd
Thanks Todd! I think I might have portrayed his views here the wrong way. He understands I have to work and has no problem with it. He says to me that at 18 there is no way to know what I want for the rest of my life and he admits that at 23 it isn't much better. Basically, he says he wants us to each explore a bit more so if we end up together, we know it's right. Still, I know this wouldn't have happened had I been up there for the past few weeks instead of down here.
If he is the one right now, go for him. Here is a question to ask yourself; would you be willing to come out for him? If you are, I say do it. It just might show him you really do want to be with him. Long distance relationships can work, you just have to make it work. Keep in touch, even if it is a simple "Good Morning" or "Goodnight". It is something. Just asking how their day was. Things like that. I know they can work. Trust me. Another question to ask yourself; Do you love him? Do you want to be in a relationship with him? Regardless of the age/wealth/power difference? If you answer yes to those questions, don't stop and wait to think. Life is about taking risk and going with the flow. if the flow means being with him, be with him. I don't know if what I said makes sense to you. I don't know if it will help you any. But what I do know, is this is almost the same advice my friend gave me and another friend and it helped both of us greatly. I hope it does for you too.
I see what you're saying. I agree with AKTodd. Maybe his wanting to be apart for a while and suggest that you explore yourselves as individuals and leaving it up to fate is his way of saying that he's not necessarily ready to move on or get in to anything really serious. idk...
Thank you! This is great advice! In response to your points, I am 18 and he is 23. And I absolutely love him. I honestly believe he will be the first gay President of the United States and so do many others (not necessarily on the gay part but on the President part!) I would come out for him, but that depends on a few things. First, he has to come out himself which he is doing gradually. Second, I have to gauge how my family would react. Third, we have to do it so it doesn't stun our friends. Pretty much all my friends are his friends also but not vice versa.
