More Masculine than Feminine Gays??

It's a very difficult question to answer, for a variety of reasons. First and foremost, the effeminate gay men are more easy to spot. In a room full of guys, with some masculine gay guys and some feminine gay guys in there, most people would pick out the feminine ones as gay, but fewer would pick out the masculine ones. So unless the masculine ones are all forthcoming about their sexuality, they simply won't be counted.

Secondly, there's the whole argument of "nature vs nuture". How much of effeminacy is innate, and how much of it is learned? It's common for straight people without much interaction with homosexuals to think that effeminate gays are "putting on an act", where as masculine gays are "being themselves". But I'm of the opinion that it's far more often the other way around. In most cultures, for a man to act in an effeminate nature is to invite scorn. And most of us humans learn early on to avoid doing anything that would invite scorn from our fellow creatures. So it's my belief that most effeminate gay men simply are like that. And perhaps after some aborted attempts at acting more masculine (which may have been mocked just as much as the effeminate behavior - "who do you think you're fooling?"), they simply say "screw it" and let them be themselves. The effeminate gay guys are usually the first out of the closet because of this - most people guess anyway, and so they can simply say "yeah, I'm gay" and start living out and proud. Masculine gay guys can usually pass for straight, and so the closet can be a lot more comfortable for them.

You yourself provide something of an example in both directions. You say you're masculine, but you've stated it was a learned behavior. You forced yourself into sports. You worked actively to eliminate any effeminate behavior in yourself. You literally are "straight-acting", with an emphasis on the "act". As for the effeminacy you exhibited before, was that learned? Hard to say. The fact that you fell into playing with your female relatives rather than trying to get them to play sports, or simply going off and playing on your own, suggest that maybe you played with them simply because you enjoyed it. And, at the risk of stating the obvious here, there's nothing wrong with that. I certainly don't believe playing with your female relatives is what made you gay. I think it's far more likely to be the other way around - the fact that you were gay (even back then) made it easy for you to accept playing with your female relatives.

Lex

 

Feminine femme fem femy here And I suppose we do come out of the closet faster, since i have set a date of the 18th for coming out to dad, who, if accepting, I will ask to discretely tell the rest of the family. But yah, I doubt that my liking bratz dolls and varies as a child were learned...

 

I'm definitely not masculine...and it's just been a whole part of my life. I'm not extremely feminine.. I just say that I have the brain of a girl who doesn't like to clean.

It was nothing I learned. I tried sports! I just fucking hated them. Even before I even knew what being gay was, I loved Barbie and all dolls. I went outside to my swing set..sometimes, but it was always covered in bugs and I just couldn't take it.

I was just me. I agree with Lex - I think that, often times, masculine guys are actually the ones who are faking it. I say this because in my time at looking at hookup sites, a lot of masculine guys say "masculine bottom." To me, that's completely contradictory - a masculine guy who wants to be submissive? Now, before anyone jumps up and says "but I am masculine, and I am a bottom, and I am not submissive!" just think about what I am saying.. ok?

I also think you bring up a good point. Often times, I wonder if there truly is some tension between masculine guys and feminine guys, due to how well masc guys fit in..and we femme guys don't. I'm pretty obvious. I came out to my friends when I was 14. We are the ones to get picked on. We are the ones to be targeted...we take the heat.

 

Just a quick disclaimer: bottom does not equal submissive, masculine does not equal domineering, and neither has anything to do with sexual orientation.

I'm honestly not sure what the ratio is, but, assuming EC is a good indicator, there are probably more guys somewhere in the middle, with a mix of both traits than there are men on either extreme.

The difference between masculine gay men and masculine straight men? One group is attracted to men and the other group is attracted to women. Seriously, you probably pass seemingly 'normal' gay men a day without realizing it.

 

When I think of the word masculine, I think of someone who is bulky with muscles and has a deep voice. When I think of the word feminine, I think of someone who is very skinny with a good fashion sense and a high pitched voice. I don't mean to offend anyone by the way but these are the ideas I've conjured in my head.

However, honestly the perfect guy for me would be someone with a masculine figure with a feminine heart. As in, not being grossed out by the romance side of things but also embracing the manliness of being a male if you know what I mean

 

I agree with gravechild, I am a masculine Gay Guy, which does have it's downside where being Gay is concerned, people automatically presume I am Straight & this is what has made it so hard for me to come out of the closet, I think being Feminine is winning half the battle, people presume you are Gay due to media Stereotypes, therefore it;s easier to come out, I accept that this would make you a target for Homophobes & I wish that this would not happen, I don't fake being Masculine, as has been mentioned, I just am, I cannot help being Masculine, just as a Feminine Guy cannot help being Feminine but we are both Gay, just at two different ends of the spectrum (*hug*)

 

I wish they had one of a green one hugging a red one but....

(*hug*)

 

It's hard to say, I can only give examples of somethings that make me different to my Straight Friend.

1) I don't like Sports.
2) I am sensitive & would cry if a movie is sad.
3) I tend to check out other Guys.
4) I am non confrontational & would rather talk than fight.
5) I am not afraid to wear Pink.

I am not saying that a Straight Guy would fit any of these but as a Masculine Gay Guy I do, but my Straight Friends don't :badgrin:

 

I believe in this quite sincerely; most of my straight male friends openly admit that they try and appear to be more masculine than they actually are.

The most prominent example I can think of is a bloke who is essentially very feminine. He cares a great deal about his appearance, he gossips and bitches a lot, he's judgmental, has a high voice, no real interest in most sports (outside of keeping fit to look good) and no body hair (whether natural or shaved, I've never really bothered to ask. But I feel like it's relevant anyway). He is the quintessential 'feminine man' by society standards. Yet over the past 5 years, he's got more and more masculine, and if you ask him why he will openly say that he felt like he required to be more masculine to fit in/appear more attractive to females.

I think it's a rather sad occurrence, really. I'm grateful that I don't feel the need to buy into the same shit that apparently, a lot of straight blokes do.

I mean, I just can't fathom why he's repressed and changed his character entirely for the benefit of others. What makes a person do that? >.>

But to answer your question, I don't think it matters. I'm masculine and nearly everyone was surprised when I came out, and I would say that emotionally I'm more 'masculine' than most of my straight friends.

I don't cry. I don't like talking about feelings. I find chit-chat boring. Gossiping is shit. I enjoy sports, both watching and playing them, etc etc. So by society standards, I'm a masculine person.

What I'm trying to say is that I don't believe a persons personality is an indicator of their sexual orientation. I provided one example of a straight bloke who's very feminine, and then there's me, a queer bloke who's more masculine than he is.

The only real and truthful indication is if he tells you he's gay. And if he is gay, but doesn't tell you, then he's in the closet and will probably imitate straight men to the very best of his ability, thus rendering the question rather obsolete.

Good luck though man, hope all ends well

 

I'm pretty sure I said "before anyone jumps up and says ....." No offense, but I didn't want this to become yet another "we must correct him" post. I am well aware that not everyone fits into every little box. I totally get that. We can, as always, agree to disagree. I personally think there is a level of domination/submissiveness in sex. It's not extreme - but I think there's something.
I just thought it was relevant to bring up some of my thoughts related to this post. I was hoping people would think about what I was saying, as in the whole idea.

---------- Post added 27th May 2013 at 08:08 AM ----------

I have a question.....what makes you "masculine" then? I read this list and that sounds pretty similar to me, and I definitely consider myself on the feminine side. Just curious.

---------- Post added 27th May 2013 at 08:11 AM ----------

I think that it's definitely interesting with younger kids, now that we know what to look for. I always end up saying "oh, I remember doing that as a kid!" and then I feel, well..kind of bad for saying it. I guess it's kind of a knee-jerk for me. I'm not ashamed...I just don't want people to start getting worried (probably because I live in a really conservative area.)

 

I wouldn't say that masculinity means anything. Like I like racing, the only sport I hate is rugby, and many of my straight friends hate it too. It doesn't matter whatsoever on what you enjoy, you can love all sports and be a very masculine and muscular man, and still be gay.

 

I dig guys. That's about it. Every other "clue" might be a vague indication of sexuality, or it might be just a quirk that a straight person has. My straight brother actually has more gay characteristics than I do.

Lex

 

Where would I fall? I'm very thin, have a deep voice, prefer Irish whiskey, listen to hard rock and metal, keep to myself, and love working out and bmxing. By male standards, I'm average, though that didn't spare me the occasional slur for being an individual and *not* being a stereotypical guy growing up (not constantly getting into fights, chasing tail, bashing homosexuals, talking obscene, or feeling a need to 'proving' myself). By female standards, I'd probably be considered a tomboy or a 'butch'.

Though, I never did get the whole car obsession or sports mania many of my peers had, another reason not to feel as 'one of the guys'.