Too many attractive guys to want a relationship in your 20s?

I don't see what age has to do with it...some people want relationships, some people just want sex. Seek whatever you want, don't act a certain way because you think that is how people your age are supposed to act.

 

This. I'd much rather have a proper relationship than just have sex with anyone. I'm 20 in a couple of weeks.

 

It depends on your beliefs.

If you want to have sex in your youth and look for a long-term relationship, I don't see a problem with that if the guys you do it with are up for it, and if that's what you're happy with.

Personally, I wouldn't want to spend 10 years "having fun" and aim to settle down after experimenting with different guys for a year or two after I hit 18. That's because I believe in monogamy, and the "having fun" part is just to see what type of guys will do it for me, and how relationships and dating will work etc.

 

I can understand how you feel. I too only just came out in my mid 20s, and part of me wants to go out to parties and clubs and hook up; after all, I've denied myself any sort of contact I want to engage in for so long. That said, another part of me does say that I should look for a more steady relationship. I suppose my overriding desire is to look for the latter, but in the meantime, I may end up casually hooking up with people.

In any case (and not to sound patronising), I'd definitely remember to use protection if you are going to go doing stuff with random guys.

 

I did that in my 20s. Then had a hell of a time finding someone in my 30s. Do what you want, just practice safe sex and be honest with partners. Do not let someone think you might want want a relationship if you don't. Nothing wrong with it.

 

I think you should do what you want, SAFELY. however, as has been pointed out, there will be problems. Once you hit your 30's, the dating pool could easily be very different.

Just let life happen. Go, have fun, but be open! What if someone came along, tomorrow, that you thought was absofuckinglutely amazing? Denying yourself something seems to be kind of crappy.

On top of that, I don't really think dicks stop working at 30...unless Hugh Hefner has just been joking all these years, haha.

Why couldn't you be a good catch when you are 30? 40? Not that you should just have that much sex...but our twenties shouldn't be the only time for having fun and enjoying our bodies.

 

I only came out 6 months ago when I was 34 all because I met (actually reacquainted after many years apart) "the one" and that gave me the wherewithal to finally come to terms with the fact that I'm gay. This is my first time with a man and my first gay relationship.

The One, who is 5 years younger and whom I've been dating ever since, came out years ago when he was in college. While he hasn't gone in to vivid detail, he has definitely had a lot more experience than I.

I don't regret anything, because I feel that I had to go through everything I've been through in order to be where I am today. And... I am extremely happy to have finally found someone that I can see myself building a future with. I do sometimes get envious that I never had that wild phase that my boyfriend has alluded to. But then again, that didn't make him happy as he tells it, and all he really wanted was to find someone and settle down with them.

I was talking about my envy of my BF's wild phase to my therapist who asked me one simple question, "how many dicks are enough?"

If it were me, I'd have fun, keep my mind open and see where things lead. I wouldn't commit a whole 10 years of my life to just sleeping around when Mr. Right could right there in front of you.

 

I know a lady who met her first boyfriend in her early teens. They stayed together until she was 20. For her, the problem was that they settled down too soon. While their friends went clubbing in their late teens, they stayed at home and watched television.

She felt she was missing out and early on her university course in London, she dumped him. She's 32 now, she hasn't had such a long term relationship since and that's what she wants now. She remembers him as possibly the best boyfriend she had. So she allowed herself to a have broader typical youth experience, but she regretted turning him down.

I think what she did was better for her because her refusal to commit has left her free to pursue other goals like advancing her career. If they met 10 years later than they did, perhaps it would better if she stayed. This might be different for you though, because you're already in the (well, a) big city where you can work and perhaps it's not so much of given that relationship will lead to children.

I don't rationally see the point having as many men as you can just because you can, although I admit I fear I'm letting my twinkhood "go to waste" alone.

 

You know, it's a bit like picking desserts in a fancy restaurant.

Some pick the dessert sampler, where they get 5 different kinds. You get to taste them all, compare, try out what that new exotic dessert tastes like without having to commit to a full plate of it. On the other hand, you might find out you really like one, and regret it was over after one or two bites.

Others pick the single big piece of chocolate cake. You can really dig into that one. One bite you're focusing on the frosting, the other you're focusing on the little chunks, and by the end, you know every nuance of it. However, you're passing on the creme brulee and the strawberry bavarian cream, which might seem tempting if they're on the neighbour's plate.

No option is necessarily superior, they both have their own beauty and dynamism, but you only have so much time and so much money to spend in the restaurant, so you inevitably end up picking one.


So metaphors aside: I think it's perfectly OK to have loads of fun (as long as you're taking safety precautions and are up-front about it to the guys you're dating). Just don't think relationships are some boring stuff you have to "settle for". They're just as dynamic and complex as the hook-up stuff. Just in a different way.

 

As others have said, have fun, be safe and don't lock yourself into the mindset that you're just in it for the fun for your twenties. Keep an open mind as it could be the Mr. Right comes along during this time and you don't want to being thinking about the one that got away...
Also, be clear to the guys you are dating that you are casually dating other guys so that no one feels they are being led on.