I've had a penfriend for around five weeks and I can't think of what to talk about with him. After he sent three message in a row with no answer, I told him that I haven't been doing anything and I don't know what to say. He patiently replied asking me about my weekend (which was as uneventful and aimless as ever) and inviting me to ask him anything. So I'm asking here "What should I say?". I haven't found many common interests and we've mostly talked about what we've been doing. For example, we talked about gardening for bit, even though I don't like gardening because that's what I did. Maybe sometimes in situations like these, it's best to let it go, but I don't have other people to talk to outside the family. What's more, it has been recommended that I keep a diary for sake of reflecting on what I've done and thought and expressing it and it's a bit like that. I also feel that I owe to him because he's persistently put in that effort.
5 weeks is not a long time, unless you use E mail and send often. When thinking pen-friend, I automatically think the snail mail version. I had a lot of pen-friends when I was younger, probably why In any case, if you do want to continue writing with him, maybe write randomly about what you have been doing, including the things you consider unimportant or "non-event" ish. Like, if you cooked something special, or saw something on TV. It could be you could find common interests that you didn`t immediately consider before. Also, adding the emotional element. If you only slept all week-end, why do you think that is, and how does that make you feel. Just examples. If you watched 3 hours of fishing documentary, why on earth not switch channel, lol, things like that! Thing is, not everything has to be super-interesting for it to be worth talking about. Small talk about our uneventful days, what we thought and felt on these uneventful days, the silly unimportant little things we do to get the day to pass by, those things are all stuff that can get interesting when we small talk about it. However, if you feel the conversation gets too forced and negative, you shouldn`t keep it up because you feel you owe him. If he`s not that interesting, and you don`t feel it`s worth it, then it might be best to just be honest about it. But that`s something only you are in a position to decide
These are questions I would ask directly/indirectly See what life is like from his perspective. Is he a spoiled brat? Is he an impoverished? Is his family supportive of him? if not, how does he deal with it. What are his goals in life.
Thanks for answering. We've been using email or at least some kind of online messaging service. I've never heard of keyboardfriends. I've tried that sort thing like "Did you go out on Saturday night?" "No, I stood in my kitchen looking out of the window and made a quiche" and that would lead to further conversation, but I've been struggling with that lately too. I've tried to avoid being negative, but I have slipped up sometimes and he seems to have tolerated that. I'd be quite the hypocrite to disagree with telling him that I didn't want to talk to him if that's how I felt, but I'm happy to read his messages, it's just writing messages back I find difficult. Which isn't too different from when I've spoken to people I really like. People occasionally reach out to me and I mutely watch them give up, whether I want them to stay or not. That's quite remarkable considering how much I can go on in other situations, like this. I just thought, conversations I have tend to get way better when both parties are drinking. Previously, I've thought "If I can't think of anything to say now, why bother traveling to speak to him in person?". He lives in a nearby city you see. However, in many of those situations, I met those people on the night and never saw them again, so I don't know if it would help in the long run. Still, over a fortnight I might be able to gather enough, it's just slower than before. I'm curious as to know why you'd ask about that. In this case, his background may be not be very relevant because he's in his early thirties and has worked for many years, but I didn't mention that either. I haven't asked much about his work because I don't work yet and it feels awkward.
Then how about telling him that? Being friends doesn`t mean you always have to be positive and/or exciting. It means sticking by each other through rough times as well as the good. You can keep it simple, tell him that you feel your life is a bit empty at the moment, that you are struggling finding anything to talk about because of that, but that you like reading his messages. Share your difficulties, maybe you can talk about that? It`s better than watching him give up, isn`t it? Remember that people aren`t mind-readers, he might think you`re simply not interested in exchanging messages with him anymore, rather than it being just a case of trouble with the communication. When you say gather enough, do you mean events, thoughts, words? And hey, maybe he doesn`t mind you talking about your quiche (what on earth is that, lol?) or some random TV show you saw. Maybe he doesn`t need you to gather up a quantum of something you find interesting enough to share.
