So I've had very little real experience dating other guys thusfar, partly because I only know so many gay/bi guys and partly because I've always ended up ending things with the guys I have dated. Problem #1 generally has been that these guys got REALLY involved in having a relationship when in my mind things were still very casual and introductory. Granted, if we were an amazing match and I was ready to move super fast into the relationship too it wouldn't be a big deal, but that isn't always the case. When I start dating a guy who's maybe right for me and maybe not, I have to resist somewhat when they think things are a lot more serious than they are (at least, I feel like I do to avoid leading them on and then seeming like a jerk when things "suddenly" don't work out). It's not that they all just want sex too soon - the last guy I dated was very much the romantic love>sex type, he just got really invested in me emotionally at a point when I felt like I still barely knew him. The problem is, the guys I've dated haven't been great at taking hints, or they just can't NOT be invested in having a relationship, so I end up having to just play along (dishonest), constantly shut them down (annoying and disappointing for them) or end it. The guys I've dated haven't generally had much dating experience, so I can imagine reasons why they might be quick to jump into seriousness really quickly (i.e., I'm not saying ALL gay guys are like this, or that its BECAUSE they're gay; it's probably just the limited dating pool most gay guys get stuck with). Has anyone found themselves on either end of this dilemma? How do you get past this stage without being dishonest or going nuts and risking the other person's feelings.
I haven't had the same experience, but I can see how situations like that can happen. Many people get overly invested in their first relationship, and for gays and lesbians, their first relationship is usually more around your age group. About how to deal with situations like this, I would just try to keep the communication solid. They are probably coming on hard to you because they feel that if they don't they will lose you(The first relationship they might have had in years/ever). So I would talk about how you like to take things slow and aren't in any rush in your relationships at this point in your life. Make it clear that just because you aren't all over him, doesn't mean that you aren't interested. Another good way to information clear to people without hurting anyone's feelings is to speak on either past or hypothetical situations. When you guys are talking about relationships and things of that nature nonchalantly drop in "Oh I hate it when people try to rush into things too quickly. Why not enjoy the moment?" or something like that to give more of an idea of your preferences.
