Should I tell my best friend about my feelings for him?

Been browsing around these forums and doing a lot of reading the last few days and finally decided to make an account so hi everyone!

The title says it all... let me profusely apologize for posting about something so ridiculously common but I have been in this rut for 2 years and need some help/advice to finally resolve it. I'll keep it as short as I can I promise =P. Anyway I've known my best friend for 5 years (we've been close for 3) and I've had really strong feelings for him for 2 years. We're from the same town and despite living over 300 miles apart we would always spend summer there hanging out every free minute we had, whether it was just us 2 or with others. I graduated college and have been working the last year while he's still finishing up school. This friend was one of the first I came out to and he supported me more than I could've ever asked for. I had just started coming out before college and a lot of my friends at this time (friends I still have now) were Christian so I was nervous about coming out to them; he made sure he was literally by my side every time I came out, and never once hesitated to advocate for me. I think this played a big part in why I eventually fell in love with him...

My friend is definitely straight and I've accepted that. I just want to move on and keep him as my best friend. I'm tired of always feeling dejected over a situation I have no control over. I've tried every way I can think of getting over him... I even have a boyfriend who I like but I just really can't shake this. It's really not fair to me, my friend, or my boyfriend. I also get extremely anxious (sometimes upset) about this on a daily basis, especially when I think of, talk to, or do anything/hang out with my friend. I feel really guilty about the way I feel at this point; that I've kept the truth from someone I've always been honest with and who's been so loyal to me. I feel like this is just getting in the way of so many things in my life and I'm having trouble coping.

I'm not sure if my friend already knows that I love him or not because he's really perceptive. He was the only person who knew I was gay before I came out, and he has called me out on some of my boundary issues with him when I was testing the waters (for example I'd always try to be really physically close to him and I was pretty clingy for a period of time). We got through that pretty easily, a couple days of being uncomfortable and talking it through, but it makes me suspect he may already know about this. If he does, he's waiting patiently for me to say something the same way he did when he knew I was gay.

So what should I do and how should I handle this? He is easily my most important friend I've ever had and the very very last thing I wanna do is lose him, but I'm not sure I can go on the way I've been lately. I really appreciate any advice or comments!

 

Thanks for the advice i think that sounds about right. Im leaning towards telling him and very anxious to take care of this but we have some plans to hang out and do some stuff over the next couple of months and i really dont want to mess that up since its way easier for us to hang out over summer. On the other hand im not sure how id feel while we were together if i waited a month or 2 to mention it. :bang: