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Why won't they let me out?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by followtherabbit, May 28, 2013.

  1. followtherabbit

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    I've come out to my friends time and time again as queer, and I thought we had finally come to terms with the fact that I don't only like boys. I still find myself filtering less straight feelings around them. I don't mention people I'm attracted to that aren't guys. I guess it's a habit.
    It's not like they're homophobic in any sense. One has a pride tattoo. They just think its a joke. I guess its because I've only dated guys in the past. I was very confused about my feelings for a long time, even though I knew people who were queer, or bisexual, I thought I had to choose between gay or straight.
    Long story shortI fell face first for someone who is non-binary and couldn't pretend anymore. I had to drink a lot to confess and my friends were skeptics. I thought they had eventually come around, with me talking about my crush all the time. But today we were discussing our city's gay pride parade this Sunday and I was talking about how it would be he first time I walked it since I came out and my friend got all quiet and I think she rolled her eyes. I realized that nothing has changed.
    And that I feel so stuck.
    Help me?
     
  2. FemCasanova

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    Just remember that your sexuality is not dependent on the belief of your friend to exist or be valid. You aren`t stuck, she is. Let her roll her eyes. You don`t need her to validate you or your sexuality.

    It could be she has a touch of "bi-disbelief", that she believes that either you just think you like girls, or that you only like girls but are afraid of admitting you`re a lesbian. There are so many people out there who wave off bisexuality as denial or experimentation, and the only way to convince them is to just live your life, fall for whomever you fall for until they realize you really are not dependent on the other person`s gender to fall in love with them.

    It could also be that she feels you have been focusing a lot on your sexuality lately, and that for some reason it`s bothering her.

    However, I would advice against trying to hard to interpret her emotions based on facial gestures you think she is making, because often when we play the guessing game, we guess wrong. We aren`t mind-readers :slight_smile:

    If it bothers you a lot, you could ask her gently if she feels you are talking too much about your sexuality and if it bothers her. That way, you show your worries and maybe then she`ll realize that she is sending out signals that you are picking up on. Maybe it can help the two of you clear things up. And if she expresses any bi-disbelief, you could simply tell her that you know how you feel, and that your crush (if female) feels just as real as any other crush you have had on a male. That you don`t feel that there`s a difference there in any way.

    Just, try to have fun at the pride parade :slight_smile: Don`t let her apparent disbelief cause you to feel dis-encouraged or invalidated. At least you`ve come out, be proud of that!

    And have some fun!
     
  3. Ettina

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    In my opinion you need better friends.
     
  4. followtherabbit

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    FemCasanova;
    She has expressed bi-disbelief in the past. But I thought she'd sort of come around, and I wonder if I was maybe reading those signs wrong. I have talked a lot about my sexuality in the past but i don't much anymore. I do talk about my crush a lot though, but if she talks about her boyfriend, why shouldn't I be allowed to talk about someone I care about?
    Thanks darlin', I am determined to have fun at the parade, and I guess it will also be a coming out to some extended friends I don't see as much.

    Ettina;
    it's hard, i've thought that in the past, but I still love them all so much. I do have some other friends in my life who are more accepting and understanding of who I am, and also how their denial of it makes me feel.
     
  5. FemCasanova

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    Ah, she might have taken a step forwards, and then another one back. It sometimes happens. And I agree, if she talks about her boyfriend, then as a friend she ought to be able to give you an ear to talk about your crush without rolling her eyes. But asking her about it might make her more aware of how she is behaving, and the signals she is sending out. She might not be consciously aware of it. Sometimes people can be a bit dense, and not see something that to us is quite obvious. Empathy can be a better tool than anger, even if it seems backwards :wink:

    That`s great! Parade is coming up here in Norway as well, and I am very excited about it. I love it each year. It`s something about the joyous atmosphere that just gets to me :grin: