Choosing to go back to church camp...

Well, this'll be a fun one to set up.

I'm in my mid teens, pretty sure I'm a lesbian. Totally fine by me-the gayer, the better. I'm also a closeted atheist, as one might say, and that would be another thing that wouldn't go over so well with my family. Here's the rundown on that:

Two grandparents (each on separate sides of my family) would immediately try to convert me to a practicing religious (one's Baptist, the other Catholic) straight girl. The other living grandparent would probably be okay with me being gay, but worry about my fate due to my lack of faith.
My aunts would eventually have to deal with it, and the one who's basically my second mom would probably be super bothered for a bit and just ignore it for the rest of her life.
My mom knows I'm not hetero, but I've only hinted at the atheism. She's not conservative or super religious, but I think it bothers her to hear me say things against religion.
My dad wouldn't care either way, but I can't bring myself to tell him I'm not straight. Little too awkward and I can't yet place why.
My sister probably couldn't care less. She's younger than I am and as long as she doesn't have to hear about my activities, she's good with it all.

So about four years ago my Baptist grandparents took us to camp. It's one that they've been going to for years. Like, since he was a tot, and he's 75 now. It's a church camp, set in the middle of dry, hot Texas nowhere, and I fell in love with it despite all of my aversions simply because of the view and the weather. Something about that Texas feel...if you look past all the hateful, biased, conservative, patriarchal people.

However, now that I've been more actively out and faithless, to myself and friends of course, something inside tells me it's not a place I should revisit. I know it won't change me, and as long as I keep my well-practiced trap shut, I'll be okay. But it sort of breaks my heart in two because while I feel no religion that doesn't support literally every division of human categorization is rightful, I also feel like it'll hurt my family to know I'm different. I dunno, it just feels wrong. But I've been wanting so badly to return and now after lots of back and forth it's pretty much in the cards. It's not only to please my family. I need that dry, Texas air again. It's a peaceful place if I run from the church. I can't say no. Gah! So conflicting. How do y'all deal with religious obligations when you yourself aren't religious???

 

Well, first, yes that made sense. You seem to have the same ideas I do about it. So far, the two times I've been, no one has been subjected to an alter call or anything. Plus really everyone else is so obsessed with "being closer to god" (fantastic play on words-it's at a much higher elevation than where we all live), I can get away with anything. And nothing is more fun than casually looking at a nice pair of eyes *pretending that's all I would look at* on an unsuspecting Christian girl, right? Don't worry, I'm too shy to try anything devious. Thanks for taking the time to reply.

Also, the thing about people losing their faith and venturing back...I don't think I've ever had faith but I see what you mean. It's always been a secular thing for me, despite the religion forced into the dusty cabins and large tabernacle. As long as I don't tell my family I'm gay..ish, I won't be subjected to any sort of...conversion attempts. Thanks again.