After doing nearly a year's worth of self-exploration and contemplation, I have finally felt like I am comfortable with my non-straightness. I have met a girl I really like and already told my best friend, roommate, brother, and some of my coworkers know I'm seeing a girl (though I'm not sure how many). The thing is I really want to tell my mom, but I'm not sure how or when. My mom and I talk about everything, so not talking about this has been majorly stressful over the past year. I didn't tell her because I wasn't 100% sure what I was, and I didn't know what I would call myself. I think if I were to come out to her, I would come out as lesbian, because I don't see much of a possibility of a future with a man, I can see that they are good looking, but I'm pretty sure there is no attraction there. Even though I'm not sure lesbian fully defines my orientation, I think it would be easier than explaining something that even I don't fully understand to her. The how and when thing is the most difficult part for me to figure out when to tell her. I really want to tell her about this relationship before it grows much bigger and she feels deceived and left out of my life, but I'm not going to see her face to face until the end of next month, and even then it only might be for a day, which seems like a rather rude way to drop something on her when she only has a day to process and come to terms with it. I don't want to tell her over the phone, because phone conversations intimidate me and my dad might overhear, she never talks to me when she's in private. I feel like an email is too impersonal, but maybe I could email her and then speak to her over the phone after? Then there's the matter if I should even tell her. Part of me wants to wait until I have everything 100% figured out, because what if I tell her and this was all just a phase? What if in 10 years I meet a really great guy and regret coming out? However, right now I feel deceitful, there has never been a matter in my life I have not shared with her, she's honestly my best friend (lame, I know). I'm not worried about her reaction, she has always been supportive to the LGBT community and stood up against coworkers and my homophobic father whenever they say something negative about gay people. I know she'll accept me, but I just am not sure when and how or even if I should come out to her. What do you guys think?
I say ya tell her in person if you guys live close by. Give her a visit and tell her your seeing someone, especially if she'll be accepting and understanding. May as well tell her, right? I know it can be really nerve-wracking, especially since most of the things you said, I can So relate to! Like: I can really relate to these (except I'm not a lesbian). I can see girls are pretty and all that jazz, but I don't see nor do I even want a woman in my future, but at the same time, I get paranoid that I may somehow meet this really awesome girl and fall for her despite the weak attraction I have to women. I say, you go on and tell your mom though. Because, on the other hand, what if it ISN'T a phase? Chances are, it's not, especially when you're hitting adulthood, I doubt its just a phase. And if you've put as much time and exploration into it as I have, then you should be quite sure of yourself.
Thanks, your reply really helped! I don't live close by to her, about four hours away. I might go home for fathers day, but I'll only see her for a day and a half. Should I send her an email?
Heh, no problem friend, it's a hard situation, I've been there in a way. What do you plan to send in the email?
I kind of drafted one up, It basically is a typical coming-out letter, telling her my feelings and how I'm still the same person, also how I came to the conclusion I was gay and a mention of the girl I've been seeing. It's pretty long, so I don't want to put it up here. But I talked to my brother, and he strongly believes I should wait until father's day weekend when I'll see her in person. Which I kinda agree with, but on the other hand I want to tell her as soon as possible since I feel dishonest right now.
I'd have to agree with your brother. Things like this are probably better taken care of in person ya know? It's a hefty load of info when you come out. And please, Don't feel like you're being dishonest. Just because people don't know who you are, it doesnt mean there's any dishonesty, especially since you plan on telling her. Now, if you do decide to tell her in person, I'd advise going over the drafted email in your head just to make sure you keep your thoughts straight. Like i've said, coming out is seems to always be pretty nerve-wracking. Now, I'm not saying there's much wrong with a detailed email, there really isn't. But I'm assuming your mom might not be like my dad and step mom and just say "cool, okay" after you tell her your gay. In person, there's just more communication ya know? Either way, if you're certain your mom is supportive, you can't go wrong.
Heh don't make me blush. I wish you best of luck and give you my prayers. And I pray that if your dad finds out about it that all goes well with him as well. And I pray your relationship goes well ^^
If you have the opportunity and you aren't worried about chickening out in person, I'd say go with in person. If you are worried, you could always prepare a letter in case you get too nervous to say it, and if you do, you could hand that to her. Please let us know how it goes!
