Hey guys, Okay, so I'm deep in the closet (though coming out to my psychiatrist soon if that counts ), and I'm going on my first date ever with this awesome guy I've been texting for a couple months, we'll call him Sebastian. And he's awesome in pretty much every way. I'm from Stoney Creek and he's from Toronto, which is about an hour away. I'm going to him, and the way I'm pulling it off is by saying to my parents that I want to tour the University of Toronto in case I want to do a research job there next year. I've never blatantly lied to them in my life, and that bothers me a lot, but that's not the point. The point is, I'm really, really anxious. I have really low self esteem, and every time I think about dating him, I always either think that he'll reject me or that if he doesn't reject me, I'm somehow taking advantage of him because my brain tells me that he deserves someone better than me . The first is definitely not true, and he's said on more than one occasion that he doesn't ever judge based on looks, and I totally believe him (it's hard to lie to someone for three months). I think he's genuinely attracted to me, and I'm sure as hell attracted to him, but I keep thinking that I'm inadequate and that he could do so much better. How do I get over that? Oh, and another small thing is that I don't have any friends I can tell about my date, and I can't tell me parents, but I know that for safety I should tell someone where I'm going... I'm meeting him in a well-populated coffee shop though, so how necessary is this?
Dating with low self-esteem can be difficult - it's easy to dwell on thoughts like these, convince yourself that they're true and that everything else should be interpreted through their lense, and end up sabotaging a situation ("I know he can't possibly be attracted to me, so his displays of affection must be to make up for something - he must have cheated on me! I'll show him."). Your own self esteem is going to be an on-going project, though, so the best thing I can tell you for now is to take him at face value. Nobody spends three months texting with someone else they don't at least enjoy spending time with. He told you he doesn't judge based on looks - so take him at his word. He's given signs that he's attracted to you? Then take that as the current assumption. Don't read into things. Or, as Maya Angelou put it (or possibly just the internet, but it's a good line anyway), "when people show you who they are, believe them." As for the safety concerns, I guess it depends on how far past the coffee shop you expect things to go. You've told your parents where you're going in general, so they at least know where to expect you to be if something did happen. You could set up some kind of update system - "I'll text you every two or three hours" - so that if they don't hear from you at some point, they know something's up. But I don't know how likely it is that they'll find this suspicious for what you've told them is a campus visit. It would be nice if you could find just one person who's in the know, and who you can at least check in with at some point - are you certain you don't have anyone you could let in a little bit?
Yep, that sounds pretty similar to me, I'm glad someone understands what's going on... I often think things along the lines of "I know he can't possibly be attracted to me". Thanks, that's probably good advice (*hug*). I've even toyed with the idea of plastic surgery in the past, so it's a big issue for me that'll take time to resolve. I suppose that's true . Funny enough, we actually met on ******. Okay . After all, the title of his ****** profile is "Judgement-Free Zone". Indeed he has, on pretty much every level from superficial to sexual (told me he wants to, well, I'll bet you can guess ) to deeply emotional - hey, he's even told me about his abusive father, his bipolar disorder, and his weird fetish for earlobes . Does this generally work for you? I have no idea, but knowing his rather high libido, I think I'll bring condoms just in case :lol: That's a pretty good point - if I say I'm gonna call at noon and I don't, that would be a good safety net. Knowing how hypervigilant my mom is, I guarantee they'd find me not calling to be very suspicious indeed . Sadly, I'm certain . The closest thing I have to a friend is someone who during the summer lives about 1,200 miles away from me .
