Lmao, my friend wishes he was gay.

This is my best friend in the world, and I'm terrified of telling him that I am, so it makes it kinda akward for me. He is seriously as gay as can be, except he likes vag. He is so damned confusing, lol. We've detrmined that his mental state is lesbian, jokingly, yet it is prety apt. Either that, or he is so deeply in denial that he'll never come out. We've had serious heart to hearts about it, especially when he is drunk, and I still have no idea whats going on. Makes it more difficult to not have that whole attracted to my best friend thing everyone seems to have, especially since he is so goddamned hot lol. It was a secret between him and I that he feels this way, but he got drunk and kept bringing the subject up when another friend was over. We both told him we wouldn't care either way, but we also explained the bullshit that gay people get to deal with, including the slurs, emotional frustrations, general self doubt, and other crap. His general consensus was literally, "but then I'd have an excuse to be this fabulous". I am seriously just confused. He plans on being a navy seal, so maybe he is in crazy denial for career reasons, and his family is prety antigay and religious. This is the kinda guy who tells me literaly everything- as an example, how he has never masturbated with one hand, how he likes to tittyfuck, and other things you don't normally tell people ever. He also greets people he may or may not know by playing with their nipples, runs with limp wrists, loves rainbows, uses the word fabulous way too often, has "accidentally" grabbed my crotch, likes to be carried around, and constantly makes "just the tip" jokes. In written detail, it sounds like textbook closet case, but in person, it feels much different, as these things usually are. I've never really caught him looking at guys sexually, and he'll stare at hot girls, then look at me. Either he is hyperaware of where his eyes are, or he checks my eyes to see what I'm looking at, I'm not sure. I've even estalked him, and I know for a fact that he leaves comments on naked girl pics on Reddit. While all this is seriously hilarious, and I rib him about it alot, I'm worried about him. He already goes gets enough stress from family, work, money, school, and working out constantly and dealing with his bulshit crazypeople bulk diet. What should I do?

He once told me he was gay, we laughed about it, then the next week fucked my female roommate and massive drama ensued there, resulting in the loss of her friendship (my choice, that was the final straw in ten years of bullshit. If she called me a faggot one more time, simply because I didn't have a girlfriend, I would have gonbe to jail, long story lol). So again, that whole thing made me question more, and incidentally led to me coming here and becoming secure in who I am. So when I tell him that I am gay, several things might happen. He might finally understand why I keep telling him not to play with my nipples. He might totaly freak out due to our close relationship and end our friendship, thinking that I was secretly taking advantage of him (I'm not, but I guess letting someone use my bed while I sleep on the floor somewhere makes him nervous, among other things). He most likely will be totally ok with it, and do his little "OMG SQUEE" noise he makes when he is excited. However, what if he IS gay, and this only pushes him further into the closet? It would be great if he used the opurtunity to come out (if he is something other than straight), but I honestly can't see that hapening, because for some ridiculous reason he is my straight role model. Because regardless of all this, that IS the vibe I get off of him.

This is just a rambly mess of a post. If anyone has any experience with probably straight best friends wishing they were gay, lemme know.

---------- Post added 2nd Jun 2013 at 07:15 PM ----------

Addendum: Forgot to add more silly true things for you guys to laugh at/speculate on. Told me once that he wants to spend his money on me because guys are cheaper than girls. Has told me repeatedly that we're one vagina short of a relationship. Hopped out of my shower once and asked to borrow some of my clothes; he then noticed my neon pink shirt I don' have the guts to wear, lols at it without commenting, and wears it and my pants all night, commenting on how much room he has for his balls in my pants. Tells me my cologne smells hot. If I compliment him, he turns all girly and blushes and giggles. Wanted to hook me up with a model once, no idea why he didn't lay claim on said model because damn. Etc, etc.