Ok, so I met this guy on the internet a couple months ago in a chat room. We quickly became really close friends, and within a couple weeks we were having Skype video calls all night every night. I realized myself developing a huge crush on him, and those feelings are the very reason I questioned my orientation and found this site. Well, he only lives a few hours away so two weeks ago we met in real life for the first time. He drove down here with his girlfriend and they both stayed for the weekend at my place. I wasn't too thrilled about her being there, but due to his complicated real life situation I understood that she had to be with him. Over the course of the weekend I realized myself falling completely in love with him. I think it was starting to show a little in my actions. I then noticed him starting to drop similar hints at me. They were very subtle hints in his words and actions, but still frequent enough that it was unmistakable. (As an aside, his girlfriend is almost completely deaf, so this was all going on with her in the same room while she was preoccupied with other things). I wanted so badly to tell him how I felt, but I was afraid that it might backfire. A few days ago I came out to him in a letter I typed up. In it I also explained my feelings for him, and that I had a hunch he might feel similar based on his past actions. His response was very interesting. In a nutshell he basically told me he does have those feelings, and he would want to bring our friendship "to the next level" if it wasn't for religious reasons, as well as not having the heart to leave his girlfriend, even though he's thought about it before. I have very mixed feelings because I am pretty sure the only reason he is even with a girl right now is because of his religion. Like, from what I've observed they aren't even that affectionate towards one another and it doesn't seem all that genuine to me. Maybe there is more going on that I don't see, but so far nothing has led me to think otherwise. I feel like all I need to do is convince him that it's ok and that this can be reconciled with his religion. Yet I'm afraid that by pushing back too hardly he might vanish altogether. So far the friendship does seem rather strained since then. He hasn't logged in all day and he has ignored all my texts as well. Do you think there is any hope here? He is honestly a perfect match for me and I just don't want to let this possible opportunity go away. (Sorry this was a bit long - thanks for taking the time to read all this)
Wow, that sounds like a tough situation. I wouldn't try to press the issue of leaving his gf, as you don't have all the details and could not be taking their feelings into account as much as is necessary. However, I would try to talk to him about religious restrictions. Mention that it is possible to be religious and see homosexuality as acceptable. It's just as likely that God loves all his children not despite any traits like gayness, but because of them, and how they enrich the world in a way that not everybody understands. If you get through to him there, it would probably draw him to you even more strongly, and indirectly get him to reconsider staying with his girl once again, especially if he's doing it more for his image than any desired commitment to her. Best of luck.
