I think I'm back in love again. To the one guy that made me realise I was gay; the guy that I met only a few times, and could chat about so much. We're completely different: he's a rich, older (4 year gap!) guy, living in a beautiful area of England; and I'm an average, 18-year old guy in Scotland. We met at University. When I first met him, I was having difficulty accepting myself as gay, and realising I liked guys, so when he started hitting on me, I was very apprehensive, and so nothing ever happened. After a few months, I fell for him. I was ready to go further with him and let him go out with me. Then he told me he had found someone new; a new boyfriend, the same age as him. I was crushed. Months have went by, and I've ended up in a relationship with a guy (19) who loves me, but I just don't love him back. I'm still sort of in love with the first guy. We still talk all the time; talk about each others relationships, talk about everything. He asks me to send photos of myself naked and everything to him, and I politely decline, because we're both in relationships and that's not fair. He left uni. He moved back down to England. I'm still here, and I still want him more than ever. But he tells me I'm "too young." They say you never really get over your first love. I guess that seems quite true for me, but I just don't want to let him go.
Listen. Don't worry! It's completely normal and somewhat healthy to have trouble letting someone go. As they say "Time is the best healer", and this may be true. And I don't mean that it's best if you spend time away from him. Sometimes if you actually spend time with him, and get to know him more as a friend can help. It can even make it more difficult to recover from this if you never see him again. But it is still time, and you will heal. You might even discover that he wasn't the one for you, and he might turn out completely different when you really get to know him.
You should try to become friends with him, and only do things that friends would do. He might of been trying to impress you when you were going out. He might be a bit more casual if he knows you don't want anything more than friendship.
He asks you to send him nudes while he's in a relationship? What would happen if you were dating and he was asking for other guy's nudes! He sounds older, more mature (although maybe not), and out of reach. Maybe that's what you find so alluring?... Is that love? I'm not convinced. Love is a lot more powerful than just infatuation. Love is taking a bullet for someone else, putting yourself before the other person. And you know, maybe this infatuation is getting in the way of your current relationship. Who says you can't love the guy you're with just as much! Things will get better and if he is meant to be in your life he will be back in it. But right now, work on you and what you do have. Don't go chasin waterfalls!
