So I have talked about how I am out to my brother and husband. Today I have been feeling SUPER guilty about my husband. I know that figuring out that I am a lesbian at any other time in my life would have been bad. I know that I didn't marry him with any idea this would have happened. I know he is being supportive and great about this, but I feel like he doesn't realize how much knowing this has changed me. The happier I am about life and prospects of life...the worse I feel about him. Plus, he has been doing things like cornering me and then asking me to kiss him. I kiss him, but it isn't the same as before. I think to him, there is hope that we will be together forever. I had told him that we can mess around some and cuddle still and stuff, but I think he read more into that than I meant. I have said I want to wait 2 years to come out, but the closet sucks! Then I made the mistake of looking around ******* and seeing these great women who are looking for friends and/or girlfriends. It was easier thinking about being in the closet when the only lesbians I was in contact with were on EC. I am frustrated and feel so guilty. I would just leave if I didn't have my son to worry about.
The fact that you feel guilty about this shows me and everyone else what a caring and wonderful person you are. You could have just left him with no concern about how he feels, but you didn't. You genuinely care about his feelings, which also shows proof that when you got married, you never knew something like this would happen. Your intentions are good, and I'm so glad that he is being supportive. He is in denial, but with time, he will begin to understand. You will probably always love him, even if it isn't in a romantic way. You two have a son together, and that alone will always be a form of a strong connection. Let him know that. It might give him some closure.
Thank you. I hadn't thought about it that way. It helps me feel a little better. I keep thinking that I just wish I wasn't a lesbian, but I know that isn't the right way to handle this.
Changes in identity are so hard for us, yet we have, usually, a lot more flexibility then how others see us. We have real time updates and others, like partners have a schema that can be hard to sway from. The long journey you are on as a woman, mother, current partner, perhaps future ex..... And maybe future same sex partner mean lots of maliability. I went from straight to gay to bisexual, and really nothing ever REALLY changed at a core level, while everything has changed. I now see my first straight relationship as the wonderful opportunity to be a parent. My daughter's mother ended our relationship for someone else.. We both work profoundly hard now as co parents. Sadly for her, her next relationship didn' t work out. I came out of the closet for a number of years and thought of myself as exclusively gay. Then myself and my best friend, a lesbian (i thought) fell in love, got married and are finding the edges blur in a much more comfortable way. I hope you can be gentle with others, gentle with yourself, as honest as you can and compassionate as best you can to all, including (especially) to yourself. It will make sense some day
You did him a huge favor... The fact that he might have lived his life in a lie but he did not,It would make most people happy.
Thank you. No matter what, I know I won't regret marrying him. He is a wonderful man. I know that we will end up as ex's. It is sad, but now that I have come to terms with my sexuality, I want to be with a woman. I am so thankful that we have our son. Being a mother has been the most amazing thing. Am I silly to hope that the woman I find will accept my him as part of the family? I feel like it is a requirement.
I'm glad that made you feel a bit better. For years I wished I wasn't a lesbian. But after all the relationships and experiences, I would never want to change. I hope you find someone who can accept him as part of the family. I think that is a very reasonable request. It's only fair to understand that you share a child with him, and your platonic relationship is important.
