I need advise from you teens out there

I would have an honest talk woth your partner on what you should do, if I was him (and you say hes smart) it wouldnt take long for me to figure out you two are together, whether or not you're trans would depend on other factors I don't have knowledge on.

So, to me it would be understandable as to why you would lie, but I would prefer the truth.
Also I don't know how you feel about pronouns but I would give him some time

 

Answer questions honestly, but don´t tell more than he really asked for.
He is probably not very interested in your (love) life.
Lots of teens take most stuff for granted. He might assume you are a couple because you live together and not think about it at all, really.
I was very self centered when I was 16 (I´m 18 now) and was only interested in stuff that was directly affecting me. The lovelife of adults wasn´t.

 

Another vote for honesty. The only problem is avoiding too much information that might overwhelm him. You might want to ease into discussions about being a trans-woman.

On a practical level, I don't see how you can keep it a secret. If he's smart, he'll figure something is going on. Particularly since he's been told by a 3rd party that you and Mike are dating.

Also on a practical level: trying to lie and create an illusion will waste a huge amount of energy. If this were only a weekend, that would be one thing. But to maintain this illusion--which will almost certainly fail, anyway--for an unspecified length of time, with little downtime to catch your breath? You'd be setting yourself up a nervous collapse by the end of summer.

 

I don't mean to offend but this would be my input on it: I would be really confused about the whole issue of 'transgender' and I still am to this point as we have only been educated with knowning about homosexuality, not gender identity. Ultimateley, you telling me you were dating my dad would make me think that my dad is gay, why my mum and dad were living seperateley and how hard it must have been for my mum knowning this. In all honesty, I think you should test him out and see how he responds to LGBT issues/news and oif he's fine then settle in the news gently over a timescale.

 

In many ways, teenager are more flexible than many adults. I doubt he'll have much of a problem with you being trans*

 

I think it depends on how his mother raised him.
Obviously his father is very accepting of such circumstances but may want you to lie because he isn't sure how the situation would affect his son and their overall relationship. If the son is anything like his father, he probably will have no problem, although you mentioned prolonged isolation with the mother. She could oppose such relationships and have seeded similar thoughts in her child's brain.

As for my teenage point of view, of course it would be awkward and take some getting used to, but I wouldn't mind in the long run as long as there are respectful feelings for both parties. Also remember, us teens are either inventing or reinventing ourselves during these years, so he is either open to learning new thoughts and views, or he is open to changing his current ones.

All in all, I'd talk with your husband and let him know how you feel. I'm sure he'll understand, but keep in mind that he may want to explain this to his son himself. If he does, then just tell the boy that his father will talk to him about it and try to change subjects. You obviously know that he will find out eventually, and you don't want to start your relationship based on lies, but if your husband wishes that, then at least ask him to tell his son that he wanted you to say that so he could tell him personally.

This is what i'd want to happen if I was the teenage boy in the situation so I hope I helped

 

I think your angle on stability is a good one, and if you have talked to Mike about it like that, maybe he`ll see that it`s best for the boy that he feels he is in a safe and honest environment with two people in it who care about each other and him. A 16 year old today knows more about sex that some generations above him have learned during a life-time. They have access to all the information, and then some, online, on the TV. There`s probably very little on the topic that you can tell him, that he doesn`t already know when it comes to the facts. He might not completely understand the facts about trans*, but you can help him with that in time if he comes to you with questions. Thing is, if the two of you lie to him now, chances of him coming to either of you with questions in the future is very slim. Trust has to be earned, and if there was ever a time, I think it`s right now. If it starts of with lies, then he`ll expect lies in the future as well. Mike needs to understand that honesty is the best thing for his kid, if he wants his trust and acceptance.

 

I think you should definatly tell him!
Well I'm 17 and I know if I was going to live with my parent I would want to know that kind of thing
Plus you know how stubbon we are, if you don't tell him and he finds out that's probably gonna make him more angry and feel more weird than if you just told him
I would just tell him polietly that your seeing his dad, you know it might be hard for him to get his head round so your not gonna bore him with any details but you'll be happy to discuss with him if he has any questions
Hope that was somewhat helpful, good luck with everything!

 

I'm sorry I didn't realise this post before, but the posters before gave all the advice I could, well done and I hope you all get on well, which I'm sure you will! (*hug*)

 

Wow! Are you looking to adopt another son, say, a guy about 42?:lol:

Seriously...I'm glad things are working. It's wonderful you are doing so much to make him comfortable. I hope there is a special spot in heaven for you--you deserve it!

I think your approach for coming out might have been the best under the circumstances. At least, you are being honest, and I think that will count for a lot in the long haul.

 

I think that was an excellent way of handling it, June! He sounds like a mature and wonderful 16 year old, albeit he`ll end up a bit spoiled perhaps :lol: But I think you did the right thing here, so (*hug*)

 

Congratulations on him accepting you and mike! It was a difficult situation that you handled perfectly from the sounds of things.

Is mike any closer to speaking to his son or have you told him that you came out to him?

 

Yeah, teenagers need space, but they also need to be seen, so I think you are doing a good job with this. It can be a difficult balance, but he sounds like a good kid. It`s great that the two of you watch movies together, doing family stuff together, like playing games, watching TV series or movies is good for the family relations. Whenever Mike is around, you should try and talk him into joining you, try finding some series or something that all 3 of you could enjoy watching. Plus, it`s good for him to spend some time with real people too, not just those behind the computer screen (says the resident gamer, lol). Has he started school yet? He probably had to change schools when he moved to you guys?