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So I had this debate with my girlfriend...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Chase, Jun 7, 2013.

  1. Chase

    Regular Member

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    Sorry if this is in the wrong forum.

    So I recently had this debate with my girlfriend over my gender identity. We've been dating since January of 2012.

    I was a homosexual female and she was bisexual. In around August of 2012, I started questioning my gender identity. I never told her because I thought it was just a phase. But boy was a wrong, I started getting really uncomfortable in my own skin and even fell into depression over it. I felt like I should have been born male.

    I finally came to the conclusion I am a trans man around 2 weeks ago and came out to her a few days ago and that I prefer being called a boy, she said she loves me no matter what my gender identity is.

    However, she still calls me by female pronouns and her girlfriend (which should by 'boyfriend'). I tell her that I get uncomfortable when she calls me by these terms, but she says she can't call me her boyfriend because she's 'not used to it'. It hurt a lot.

    How do I try to make her understand that I not a girl, I am a boy?
     
  2. LD579

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    It may take her time to get used to. Be patient with her, but be firm, as well. If she continues to not call you the way you wish to be called, and if you think she isn't putting forth any effort, she isn't respecting you, and perhaps you ought to reconsider your relationship with her.

    You have had a while to mull this over in your mind, but it sounds as though she has just learned about it. With that in mind, it could take her some time to get accustomed to thinking of you as a guy.
     
  3. Argentwing

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    When referring to trans people, I *still* call them by their birth pronouns automatically, and feel a twinge of guilt every time I do. The thought that she's not used to it is probably the mildest answer you could have gotten. At least for me, transgenderism is almost mythical; I never see it on a day-to-day basis, only hear about certain cases in entertainment, news, or places like this.

    I still think of FtMs, in the short term at least, as physical girls who are mentally boys, and not a clear-cut male quickly enough for my brain to process pronouns in speech. It's something I should work on, as the trans people on here seem to have that as a make-or-break point for self esteem. I know as a cis guy that it would be incredibly jarring to be called by any feminine conventions. While I understand what their and your real situation is (as much as I can, at least) it just doesn't compute. OP, I think your girlfriend is the same. She loves you and continues to support you, but such an automatic verbal tool will take some time to correct. (*hug*)