Hey, it's me again. That probably means nothing to anybody so i'll give a brief explanation of my situation. So i have this friend. A very close friend now. For the last 6+ months i've been truly in love with him. He treats me unlike any other friend I've ever had. Things like phone calls before and after work. For awhile we would text each other all night some nights. All kinds of weird not so straight things. So much so that my friends think we are dating. Well, A few months ago I gave him a letter explaining how i felt for him and how his actions are confusing. That all ended in him getting very upset and essentially "breaking up" with me as a friend. Well that didn't last long and we are friends again with all the confusing and painful things still going on. My last thread sort of started there. Advice given to me was to either shake up his world by dating someone else or to just be patient for him. I chose the latter of the two, which now I'm glad i did. See, just today he was in a very foul mood at work. He was quite depressed. More so than I have ever seen him be before. He told me several times that he wishes he wasn't alive and that he's too weak to even kill himself. He told me he has no motivation to do anything in life and that death or prison would be easier. Despite my best efforts I wasn't able to turn his mood around much though I got him to promise me that he wouldn't do anything to hurt himself. Well, now for the difficult part. I haven't been the most emotionally stable person myself. To be honest some of my unhappiness stems from the confusing nature of our friendship. There are times when my feelings for him just take the life right out of me. so much so that at times I want to completely forget he even exists. Now, here I am in need of emotional support from him while he simultaneously needs my emotional support. If i completely abandoned him I'm afraid he may do something drastic. Now I haven't gotten anything out of him as to why he feels so unhappy with himself, just that he is unhappy. Part of me feels like this has something to do with sexuality but I could be completely wrong there. I just know exactly how he feels as I've felt exactly the same way in the past, especially when trying to come to terms with my own sexuality. I just want him to feel good and be happy but at the same time I need to look out for my own well being and that is where I find myself lost. I know none of you will be able to get inside his head but maybe someone can offer some advice. Whether is be someone who's dealt with a person coming to terms with their sexuality, someone whos been in love with someone like this, or just anybody with an idea or two on how to help the both of us out. Any and all help would be greatly appreciated.
All you can do is to be there for him as a friend. Let him know that, too. He will tell you what's bugging him when he's ready, if at all. As for yourself... It's unfortunate, but your health comes first to you, and that's important. You shouldn't help others before you help yourself when you need help. It's akin to being on an airplane when the air pressure changes. Masks will drop, and adults are advised to secure their own masks before helping secure others', such as their children's. I have been in a similar situation, and what helped me was looking out for myself. Try to get yourself to a place that's more stable and less in need of this guy. Are there others that you can hang out with, or reconnect with? It's very... problematic if he is the only one you turn to, and you're the only one that he turns to, when you're both feeling depressed. I feel as though there isn't much specific advice I can give you, unfortunately. Such issues are perhaps best dealt with through a mindset shift, or by focusing on yourself to get to a place where you can take a few hits before bleeding, so to speak.
