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PLEASE HELP! Unrequited love scenarios

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by veronicaslolita, Jun 9, 2013.

  1. veronicaslolita

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I'm 17, male and bisexual (I think). I've been out since February, and I told my best friends first, who were all girls. After, I told my guy friend, who I had been mildly attracted to. I hoped that coming out would put some distance between us so that I could get over the feelings for him. But, he was supportive and just too nice!

    Since then, feelings have intensified ridiculously. I got depressed over him, and its given me other problems like ADHD perhaps and OCD. My grades slipped because all I would is cry at home and not study. I just adore him. When he came to my sleepover with friends, I spent most of the night just watching him asleep next to me (and he was in his underwear which was worse!). He's got a nice body but its personality I love. He's a bit flirty, and tries to act macho at times, but is sensitive and passionate and I can really connect with him. He says I'm like family to him, and while these compliments are nice, it's making me love him even more.

    My main issue is tackling this unrequited love. One day, I get up and tell myself I'm going to get over him as soon as possible, deleting his number, not texting him etc. Then, I feel like I'm going to loose him if I try to get over him, and I want to stay in love but cannot ignore that I might not be his boyfriend. He says he is straight, has a long relationship with my best friend, but does ask me lots of questions about being bisexual and wonders if he could ever have a relationship with a guy. However, we are good friends but I want to be a best friend to him, even if I cannot be his boyfriend, we have so much in common and I want to become better friends with him. He is also my only guy friend, which is stupid I know, but I do feel for him sometimes like a brother I never had and I don't want to lose it.

    Luckily, summer is here and so it gives the opportunity to make or break our relationship. I've thought of 4 scenarios.

    1) invite him over to my house, spend the night together (as in playing video games and just chilling). This would be like the final event before I distance myself from him, but I get to have a true one-to-one time with him before our relationship cools down. If I feel confident I may tell him my feelings then and how I want to get over it but needs his help.

    2) cut off contact for 60 days and see how I feel after. I will try my hardest to do this, but have failed before. Nevertheless, I have found distance does help. The 60 days is also what many therapists recommend apparently. But I may lose him as a friend.

    3) stay friends with him, keep spending time with him, and hope it fades when we go to separate colleges in summer. This is the easiest for me, and I think college will help but im not sure.

    4) tell him everything and see what he's wants to do about it.

    Which option is best in your opinion? im welcome to other suggestions. and im sorry this is reallly lame for some people. Thanks for any help
     
  2. KnownSecret

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    I think time truly is the best option! I wouldn't want to loose a good friend like that cuz it sounds you found a really true good friend! College will get your mind off of it and maybe even a relationship or a new crush will replace him. I know it's hard being around one of your crushes but considering how great your friend is I truly wouldn't want to loose my friendship with him at all! I have no guy friend that would say that I am like family to him haha which I think that in itself is enough to say damn let's keep this guy as a friend! It's always good to have someone of the same sex as a friend even if you aren't the same sexual orientation because its easier to understand the same sex :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: (or at least for me it is). I hope you can figure out your feeling between you and your friend and I hope you don't go down the path of loosing him because that's just one great friend! But as I said before time is the best option because loosing a true friend is something that just doesn't sound fun to me! Good luck with your friend an I hope you and him can figure everything out, either in time or talking to each other because I don't think he would judge you at all! Good luck!

    ~Zack~
     
    #2 KnownSecret, Jun 9, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2013
  3. veronicaslolita

    Regular Member

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    Thank you. I'm having a really bad time with this and it's just ruining my life. I really do hope time can heal because I can never decide on what to do about him. I really do love him and I know we cannot be together, and I may meet someone else in the future, but I just feel so lonely and lost because of it. This was not how I thought I'd experience my first love.
    Still, i do appreciate your comment, he is a dear friend, my only male friend, and so he matters to me more than most, whether I love him or not.

    Please can other people give me some advice too please? Which scenario is the best for me to do? Thanks.