Help! The love of my life is straight! What should I do?

When I saw the title of your thread, I was prepared to give you the standard answer of, "Don't waste your time on straight men." However, in this case it seems that he really isn't straight at all. He's telling you he loves you, that he would like to have a relationship with you, and the only reason he doesn't is because he's struggling with his sexual orientation. That means at the very least he's bisexual, and even more than that - he's saying he's into you.

I'm guessing that he knows you're gay, right? I'm also assuming that most of the school knows you're gay, correct? If this is the case it would explain why he doesn't really want to hang around you when other people are around. Individuals who are in the closet are often afraid of being seen with someone who is openly gay, because they're afraid that people will assume they're gay. They're trying too hard to maintain an image of being straight, and anything that could compromise that image is frightening.

Honestly, I wish I had some good advice that could make everything turn out the way that you want, but the truth is everything boils down to him becoming comfortable with himself. He needs to deal with his own internal fear and homophobia. This is something that could take weeks, months, or years.

Instead of seeking a relationship with him, I'd instead focus on trying to be a good friend, and I'd see what I could do to help him confront his feelings. Once he's willing to admit that he isn't 100% straight, and becomes comfortable with this idea; then maybe - depending on the circumstances at the time - you might attempt to pursue a relationship with him.

But until he's prepared to accept that he isn't 100% straight, and is willing to confront his fears you're just going to end up getting your heart broken.

 

He shows clear indication of being gay, and like you said is most likely in the denial stage because of religious beliefs and upbringing. Have you tried recommending this site for him so that he will be able to get some advice for himself? He is probably going through a lot of difficulties and can't find anyone to talk to about it (which is why he told you - he had no one else, and you being gay made it easier for him to do so).

 

If you love someone you want them to be happy. Your friend needs someone who he feels comfortable with talking to about what he is going through; he needs someone to help him sort through the feelings he is having. I wouldn't look for a relationship at the end of the process, because that's an ulterior motive, and it could be incredibly frustrating if he takes YEARS to get comfortable with who he is...

Your happiness also matters. I would see him only a friend until such a time that he is ready to begin accepting himself for who he truly is, but by that time you may have moved on romantically with someone else. As you move on romantically with your life, if he truly loves you - and sees this happening - then maybe it'll give him the courage he needs to step into authenticity. Or maybe not.

Or maybe he does accept who he is, but then decides to go on to be with another guy. That should be okay too - after all, you want him to be happy, right? It's not your ideal outcome, but if you love someone in the right way you want them to be happy - even if that source of happiness doesn't come from you. (Though there is certainly nothing wrong with being jealous or saddened that things didn't work out as you'd hoped.)

One thing that may help is for you to discuss your feelings, and how you dealt with your issues surrounding being gay. Actively seek out opportunities to have discussions with him about LGBT issues, and look for ways to get him to indirectly open up. Questioning him directly isn't likely going to work out well, because emotionally he may not be ready to face it... though he's already admitted a lot to you, so he may be closer than we think.

It's important to understand that accepting your sexuality basically follows this model: denial -> bargaining -> anger -> depression -> acceptance. He definitely isn't in the final stage of acceptance, which means he's in one of the earlier stages. If I had to guess it would be the bargaining stage.

The more you share with him, and the more he feels comfortable opening up to you; the closer your friendship will likely grow.

 

Pray the straight away :lol:

Seriously, he sounds like he's definitely gay too, or at least bi. He'll accept it eventually.