I can't figure what's really going on between me and my best straight friend?

Well, I guess there's two options that spring to mind.

1) He's straight, and just really likes the release of a highly intimate friendship.
Okay, I know some people are going to yell: "no straight guy would ever consent to gay oral sex!", but I'm not so sure I believe that. It might be that he prefers girls (even if he sucks at making it work long-time with them), but also really likes the idea of you having strong feelings for him. Let's face it: being loved is a pretty awesome feeling no matter who it comes from. And if he's without any intimacy, then some casual getting-off might still be the next best thing. Sort of a very non-standard friends with benefits. It might be a bit of a "safe haven" for him.

In this situation, you are putting yourself in a pretty tight spot, though. As it means that there's no chance whatsoever in getting more (which I take it is what you really want). And you're potentially hurting yourself by going along with it, as you're cementing your hang-up on this guy more and more every time it happens.
Meanwhile, he's probably not intentionally trying to hurt you, but the flesh is weak, as they say. And if he says that it doesn't bother him that you get hot and bothered about him, he probably didn't really think through what the long-term effect for you is.


2) He's more bi or gay than he lets on. It would also explain how he keeps getting back to sexual situations with you.
However, if such is the case, he's probably quite deeply conflicted about it. In fact, the whole part of the "happy ending massage phases" might be giving him a safe haven to hide away from really making headway.

In that situation, you're really putting the both of you in a tight spot, as he'll not make any progress, and you're getting hung up on a situation that isn't healthy for the both of you.

And before you ask: no, you can't know for certain whether option 2 is the real one. Even if it is, you can't save him the time and effort it takes to figure this stuff out. And even if he is bi or gay, it may take years and years for him to work through it. And I don't think it's healthy to hold out for so long on mere hoping there could ever be more.


So: as you can see above, my conclusion is the same either way: as pleasurable as the occasional erotic phase may be: it might be necessary for you to put your foot down. Because if you want a balanced long-term relationship with someone who loves you back fully, you're not going to find it here.
It's a good thing to already have discussed this topic with him. I'd even tip my hat to you for having told him how you feel. Many people shy away from that.
The next part, however, is going to be actually refusing to go along with the sex stuff. It might be best not to massage him at all, and if you must, to keep away from any and all under the belt stuff. It might be best not to sleep in the same bed at all. If he does make any seductive moves, then don't go along with them.

And all the while, assure him that you're doing this not to upset him or because you feel that he will feel awkward. But that you're doing it because you feel it's harming your relationship prospects too much by being too strongly focused on him romantically and sexually.

It will be tough. and the temptation will be there often. But you can do it, and I do believe it might very well be possible to keep the friendship while ecising the unhealthy parts.

 

The guy is obviously in denial. No straight guys would ask for oral sex from a gay man. He is doubting his sexuality and wants to keep his straight identity, so he didn't want to do anything gay (apart from oral sex) like holding hands and cuddling. He is trying to steer clear of anything that links him with being gay, but still wants to experiment. That's my opinion anyway. It's very hard to deal with gay/bi people who are in denial. I think what you're doing is emotionally unhealthy for you. I can't really give advice though. Sorry. Maybe you should talk things out with him, get to know his past, etc.

---------- Post added 10th Jun 2013 at 08:38 PM ----------

I don't really think so Filip. Remember this guy did this on a routine basis, not just some fun experiment. I don't think I would like a girl to give me oral sex though, even if she is in love with me, because it's kind of a dick thing to do, and I also find it gross. He had to like it to come back for more. I say he is gay at the very least, or maybe bisexual.

 

I don't feel Filip's first possibility is unreasonable. Just the idea of knowing someone cares pretty deeply for you is a strong feeling.

Now you make it sound like he himself pushed for the oral sex the first time; if he were completely straight I can't really see that happening unless he was very secure in his sexuality, which it's pretty obvious he isn't.

Either way he is pretty strongly homophobic, and it sounds like that is something that is deeply ingrained and going to take a lot of time for him to get over. As tough as it sounds, I think it would be healthiest to stop this middle ground where he's allowed to get the best of both worlds; sex without commitment. As is, he's getting what he wants so he never has to figure out for himself whether he wants you enough to commit.

 

Right my story. I'm 13 years in with my confusing situation and cant seem to let him go for the same reasons you haven't let go, because we ave a real conecction, I was 17 he was 14 when it all started, through the years I've fell in love still am, saw a few guys but no makes me feel the way I feel around him. We never kiss or say any thing romantic, not that I wouldnt want to but its to gay for him, he's never told me he loves me but say he cares a lot for me, always referring to to the fact that he loves his girlfriend,(present day) I'm 30 years old and its still going on. He as no restriction when it comes to sexual activities I penetrate him only I give him oral and he returns in oral, no kissing, he'll only watch straight porn.
When we're together not very often he'll come over maybe twice a fortnight, I don't call him ever due to him being in a straight relationship with child, he usually gets mad if I call, he knows I love him and I am very carefully how I act towards him, I find that I act jus as cold to him as has he is towards me sometimes but we still have amazing sex. This is only because of the years of training being sexual with each other. My question is is he gay or jus using me or does he really love me, when I've asked he says no I love my girlfriend. I'm the only man he's seen the whole time but as has numerous females I've jus want him but use other males for the romantic side of things to replace what I don't get from him. Its weakens me to the point of wanting to kill myself out of lack of love I would like to feel and looking foolish for loving someone who clearly don't love me in return. But thank god i havn't done the things I think about. I know my story sounds confusing' but am I stupid 13 years or does some stick to you loyally 13 years no feelings??I've pateintly waited:***::bang::icon_redf:sleep:
friends have told me to leave the scenario I have tryed but always loose. Thanks for ready