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I'm going to Europe with two of my teachers (as friends) and they don't know I'm gay!

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by TwoMethod, Jun 11, 2013.

  1. TwoMethod

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    I'm openly gay, I just don't announce it to everyone. My friends know, my parents know, and some teachers know. I think a lot of people assume it, but also a lot of people really don't know. I don't think I'm obviously gay anyway. (Every time I think I'm kidding myself and people must know, I'm proven wrong.) My stance is that it's just one part of me, and I just don't bother shouting it from the roof tops. Anyway...

    So I graduated high school about two weeks ago, and I'm currently doing huge exams. I'm going to mainland Europe for six weeks to get fluent in German after my exams, and I'm going to be going to the city of a German (25-year-old) student-teacher who taught in my school for the past year.

    Another German teacher in my school (I think she's maybe 27 or 28 — she's not German, but teaches the subject) and the German student-teacher and I have become quite friendly since we were all involved in a German project together, but I never know whether we are actually friendly, because the German teacher seems to get on with a lot of students, not just me.

    Anyway, it turns out that the German teacher wants to go with me to the city too, because she was best friends with the student-teacher while she was here. In that sense, she's not going with me, but since I'll be going, she wants to, too. So that means I'm going to be spending six weeks with both of them, and will be socialising and stuff with them.

    Sometimes I wonder if the German teacher kind of fancies me. I don't know. To be honest, if I was straight, I would really like her too. It kind of upsets me sometimes — she would be perfect, but the attraction just isn't there. However, she has never ever done anything inappropriate, and she is always professional and respectful, so there is nothing untoward at all.

    The reason I know that they don't know I'm gay is because as part of the project, we were competing against another team, and all their members were quite obviously very camp and gay. They were annoyingly camp now though — really in your face. The teacher commented on that, and she said she has loads of gay friends and stuff, but she thought it was a bit too much and in your face. It was, and I normally don't have problems with camp people or whatever, it's no issue at all, that's just the way people are. We were kind of miffed, though, because the team won because they were so over the top. She's definitely not homophobic in the slightest, but you just wouldn't say what she had said if you knew I was gay.

    Anyway, I'm worried because I just don't think me being gay fits into her image of me, even if she doesn't fancy me at all.

    I really don't want to make things awkward, and at the moment we have a real student to teacher relationship since she's helping me out with my German exam (even though we talk like friends and stuff), so I don't know when I could bring it up and how to.

    What should I do? I can't spend six weeks in Germany with people and not let them know that I'm gay! I don't want to be hiding it over there, especially since Germany is a liberal country that is extremely accepting and stuff.
     
  2. Hexagon

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    Re: I'm going to Europe with two of my teachers (as friends) and they don't know I'm

    Just tell them. If she has the wrong mental image of you, then it will change. You could just say something like "Given that we're going on holiday together, I thought I should probably let you know I'm gay".
     
  3. Boyfriend

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    Re: I'm going to Europe with two of my teachers (as friends) and they don't know I'm

    You don´t need to tell them as such. If you start checking out guys and comment on them, they´ll get the message, I should think.

    I think you put too much value in the comment that was given. If they were annoyingly camp as you put it, that would be the trigger to comment, not the fact that they were gay.
    I can´t see how she could possibly have said something to you about you being gay at that time, so don´t assume she thinks you are straight.
    Maybe you get along so well because she knows you won´t bother her for sex...

    It doesn´t matter if you are gay or not. Just have great time, just being you.
     
  4. Lexington

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    Re: I'm going to Europe with two of my teachers (as friends) and they don't know I'm

    You can tell them before you leave if you'd like, or just do what you do normally and let them find out whenever they do. I don't think you're under any obligation to tell them...unless you're sharing a bedroom, and you end up picking up a guy you want to take home. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  5. TwoMethod

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    Re: I'm going to Europe with two of my teachers (as friends) and they don't know I'm

    Thanks guys for the advice.

    I'm definitely not confident enough to do this. I'm barely confident enough to pick up guys with people who know I'm gay, nor mind with people who don't.

    No, you're wrong. Someone else on the team said: "Those guys definitely had questionable sexualities." No-one flinched as if "oh God, he's gay we can't say that". Then she said: "Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with gay people, and I have loads of gay friends, but they were a bit too much." It's definitely not one of those did she know of didn't she things — I know she doesn't.


    No!

    Thanks for the advice. I really like that, but then I do feel like I'm hiding something from them. And I know there will be cases when we're out that they might try and hook me up with girls or something and I would just prefer to have told them. Just like I've told my other friends. Also, I would actually be quite afraid that something might happen between either of them and me and I don't want it to be super awkward.

    Yeah, thanks. I don't know, I'll still have to think it through.

    I guess there's no magic suggestion!
     
  6. smokey-knows-all

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    Re: I'm going to Europe with two of my teachers (as friends) and they don't know I'm

    just find an appropriate time and tell them in a way that isn't too surprising. maybe bring some pride gear to hint at it
     
  7. Boyfriend

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    Re: I'm going to Europe with two of my teachers (as friends) and they don't know I'm

    Have you ever seen a straight guy go “excuse me, but I´m straight?”
    Why do you feel you have to tell those two people that you go to Europe that you are gay? It´s not necessary! It doesn´t change anything.
    About the hitting on guys, I just meant to say that you just need to act natural. I didn´t know that you are a shy person. I didn´t mean you had to act it to let them know.
    Don´t hide the fact you are gay, be yourself.
    But you don´t need to tell. They will figure it out or not, the subject will come up or not, but to get nervous about telling yes or no is not necessary.

    It shouldn´t be an issue when you go somewhere with teachers. It´s not about your sexuality, but about perfecting your German, right?

    Can you come up with a reason why it is absolutely necessary they know?

    If you feel you need to tell or you´ll burst, by all means tell it. But that´s for YOU. There is no logical reason why they need to know.
     
  8. TwoMethod

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    Re: I'm going to Europe with two of my teachers (as friends) and they don't know I'm

    Thanks for your response. I'm doing exams at the moment, so sorry for the lack of response.

    Hmmmm. I think I have confused people when I say they are my teachers. I am finished high school, they are young, and I get on really well with them, so in a sense while I couldn't call them friends yet, I mean if I am in that situation with them, they won't be treating me like a student, but a friend.

    And if I am spending time with them, I will get close to them, and being gay is something I normally tell close friends.

    So I suppose my question is: as I migrate from a teacher-student relationship to a more friend-friend relationship (though not quite), how do I tell them I'm gay?

    I mean I get on really well with the one who teaches in my school, and I definitely want to be good friends with her, but I'm never totally sure if she would like that given that she is a) about ten years older b) has loads of friends anyway, etc.

    But I would think there is a good chance.

    So...
     
  9. Boyfriend

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    Re: I'm going to Europe with two of my teachers (as friends) and they don't know I'm

    Well, how did you tell your close friends?

    You could keep it really casual by saying "By the way, you know I´m gay, right?" or something.

    Age diference doesn´t matter in friendships. My boyfriend is 20 and has friends around there 40´s and even one of 50.
    He is particulary close to a ladyfriend who is about 8 years older than him.
     
  10. TwoMethod

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    Re: I'm going to Europe with two of my teachers (as friends) and they don't know I'm

    Thanks for the response. I'm finally done exams!

    The thing is: it's been ages since I told anyone. The first time I told people, and especially my close friends, it was really awkward and stuff. There was never really a "I'm gay", it was more of them discovering or something and having to admit it.

    I suppose I did tell a good friend recently who I thought just knew and didn't. It was slightly awkward and it just passed, so that's OK really. I suppose this is what will just happen with them.

    I understand the friendship thing. My Dad's best friend is 15 years older than him, and he's been friends with him since he was twenty.

    In a related issue: since she was my teacher, all I do is call her "Miss". I'm a huge stickler for being respectful to teachers, so even though I'm really friendly with her, I always called her that. Surely now, at some stage, it will have to stop. Do I have to wait for her to tell me to call her by her first name?

    Thanks again for your help.