Crying as I type this thread

Firstly don't self abuse thats a bad road to go down. I'm sorry about your family, my family can be a bit like that sometimes. Remember you don't chose your family but you do chose your friends. I'm sorry your family haven't taken you being gay well. Remember that there is nothing wrong with being gay and they are in the wrong. Depression can be a bitch but don't let it control you (I know that's easier said than done). The worst emotion one can feel is self pity because it turns you into a self destructive hurt person. I'm not saying you don't have things bad but you have to believe that you can get though it intill it gets better. Good luck, don't let your family get you down.

 

You might make sure they KNOW how much they're hurting you. It's painfully obvious from your vantage point, but they might see you as "withdrawn" or "going through a phase" or whatever else. But if you find any of them giving you a "we love you" routine, call them on it. "You SAY that a lot, but I'm not FEELING it. I trusted you with something really deep and personal to me, and I got nothing but ridicule for it. I find it really hard to believe the 'love talk' after that."

And feel free to keep talking to people you DO feel comfortable with. Your friends, us, and whoever else. Yes, it'd be great if everybody we knew was 100% supportive, but sometimes that just doesn't happen, so you have to get your support where it is. Hang tough.

Lex

 

Okay, first let me say that I am so sorry to hear your pain, but I want you to know that you're not alone. You are not alone.

I remember feeling that same depression, and not even that long ago - about a week ago, actually. It's a feeling of dread, listlessness, hopelessness, sorrow, and deep-rooted pain that makes you want to curl up into a little ball somewhere and stop existing because the pain's just too much. Trust me, I've been there.

You're probably thinking that there's no way I've ever experienced what you experienced, but let me assure you, I definitely did. Hell, one morning I woke up with a panic attack that lasted for three hours until I finally went to see a doctor to get some clonazepam to calm me down. Coincidentally, that was actually the day I came out to my doctor (I came out to my parents the next day).

Talk to someone. It doesn't have to be a therapist (though that's certainly an option, especially if you think an objective look on what you're going through might help), it could be your doctor, it could be your best friend, it could be a distant cousin, it could be someone online, it could be one of us EC'ers, it could even be me! It doesn't matter, just talk to someone who you think cares about you and wants to see you get better.

And I know that to a degree you can't help it, but fight as much as you can to not let the negative people in your life affect you. Remember this quote from Dr. Seuss:

Be who you are, and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

Talking helps a lot. You're probably thinking that that's just therapist-y nonsense, but I promise it's not - talking to my parents and coming out made me feel SO much better. I know your family is really not very accepting/they don't understand you/you feel like they're making fun of you, so maybe talking to them isn't the best thing at first, but definitely talk about it. Making this thread was a huge start, and really impressive - it takes a lot to admit that there's something wrong (*hug*).

I know antidepressants aren't always the answer, but you know what? Sometimes they are! If you're experiencing a lot of depression, some low-dose Prozac to start with might do a world of good. I'm on 60 mg of Prozac, I have no side effects, and it really helps me. If I miss a couple days in a row, I really feel it, so I definitely know it makes a huge difference. Talk to your doctor about your options.

I'm not going to bullshit you, I can see pretty clearly that you're verging on being suicidal. So I'm going to be the guy that says this: don't give up, because it really does get better.

Even if your family never fully accepts you, I firmly believe that there's someone in this world for everyone. Hey, I found someone, and I'm about as strange as they come! I promise you though, when you find that person who's the other half that makes you whole, you'll be on top of the world.

So pick yourself up, because that moment that you meet your other half, everything bad will fade into the background and you'll feel so much better. There's hope out there, and we'll be cheering you on the whole way.

 

Have you talked to a counselor?

 

Awesome, that's definitely a start! You have to want to fix something before you can fix it, and you have that covered, so that's really a great step forward. (*hug*)

This is true, but I also think it's important to realize that you shouldn't blame yourself either. And you do have the ability! Keep pushing. I know it seems like an insurmountable obstacle, an unclimbable hill, but I promise that with enough perseverance, you'll push through. And I'll be here cheering you on the whole time .

No problem, and sure! Just post on my wall or make a new thread or post in an existing one and I'll always give my input .

This may come across a little harshly, but I seriously think that a quote from my family doctor after I came out to him works well here:

"Have you broached the subject with your parents? Because you're going to want them involved in your life still, and eventually you'll likely be in a full-fledged relationship, so they're gonna find out eventually! You can only hide something like this for so long."

And he's totally right - your parents will find out eventually, so if they get a little suspicious, who cares! If all goes well, your therapist will probably convince you to come out to them soon anyways .

Well we'll always be here to make sure you never get to that point. (*hug*)

 

Not at all! You love who you love. Hey, the guy I'm dating has virtually no money, and I have around 15K in savings - money makes no difference .

 

Aha, I get it! Well I want to be a doctor, so pursuing my dream is going to produce lots of money . But hypothetically, self-fulfilment is more important to me than money. Like, if I had a choice between two jobs and the more awesome one paid less, I'd still take the more awesome one .

 

Absolutely not! I'll be totally blunt, I think that that tutor was being a total bitch. The whole point of parenting is to support, not to control. I think you need to talk to your mom about the fact that you were hurt by this, because if you keep it bottled up inside, it'll just bother you more and more.

Ask any reputable psychiatrist or psychologist and they'll tell you that the most important thing about parenting is that you're supposed to let your kid be who they are, not stifle them. But talk about it with your mom, have some open dialogue. I promise you'll feel better after .

 

Can I have that math tutors number? I want to verbally bitch slap her.
Anyways... im glad you admitted your problem and reached out to the community. I want to say this though. Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. Thats a nice little quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, and what im getting at with it is that your parents may have this perfect future for "you" when really its for them. Sure, more money might make you happier at some times, but you'd be wasting your preciuos time at some job you dont like. As to where if you make your own path and choose a job you love doing, you'll be happier. Hold in there friend.

Ps, im kidding about the number thing,.want to, but there's rules

 

Personally, what I'd recommend is:

a) try to see if there's something you love that you've got a high probability of making a steady wage with,

b) try to have a fallback plan if what you love doesn't give you what you need to survive, and

c) don't let your parents dictate what job you should get!