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Too many gay people in the family?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Slime, Jun 12, 2013.

  1. Slime

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    Hey EC!! Now, I'm pretty sure a similar thread like this has been posted previously but I just really want to your advice first hand, if there is any to be given. Sorry if I'm causing any inconvenience in the system '^^

    Anyway, let's get this started. I live in a family of one brother, one sister my mum and my dad. My brother and sister are both older than me (19 and 21) and now go to uni while I'm left to live with my rather homophobic parents. Previously this year, I came out to my brother who reacted positively andad you can tell, all was well. That was until my sister came out to me as a lesbian. I won't tell you all the details of how she discovered as it's more of a family affair, but she told me that she was encouraged to come out after she had found my brother searching on how to react to someone coming out. So here we are, 2 out of 3 children being gay and while I've always suspected my sister of being... different, I was still shocked at the news. Now, I have nothing against her, she's my favourite person in the world :grin:, but I'm just really worried about what my parents will think. They're not outright anti-gay but they're definitely not comfortable with it. So basically what I'm asking is, should I be worried as I am now that my parents will think there are too many gay people in the family? I'm really anxious, even though I'm not planning to come out for a little while... Any advice would be helpful!

    PS: Don't know if this is important but after she told me, I came out to her.

    PPS: She hasn't come out to our parents yet.

    Thanks in advance :icon_bigg
     
  2. chrisV

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    my family has alot of gay people too. my uncle is gay, and my aunt is lesbian. i am gay, but none of my brothers are (but two of them are still very young, so i guess one of them might end up gay). i wish i had a gay sibling though. you will both have each other for support, so you will always have somebody there for you.
     
  3. AKTodd

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    Being gay isn't any more a choice than being left-handed.

    It sort of sounds like you're seeing this as a reason not to come out to them. Honestly, it's not a child's job to 'protect' their parents from information they may find upsetting. They're adults, they'll cope.

    You're 'job' (insofar as you have one) is to grow up to be a happy person who is comfortable with themselves. While being considerate of someone's feelings is a nice thing to do, there are limits. Hiding who you are, supposedly for 'their sake' is rather going over the line IMO.

    If you think it could compromise your safety or it would be better to wait until you are out on your own and financially secure, etc. that's one thing. But ultimately you need to be true to yourself.

    Todd
     
  4. Tightrope

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    I find this interesting.

    A lot of the coming out questions seem to have a presumption that the parents have to "act upon it" in some way, such as questioning their child, and telling relatives and neighbors in a way that could change their interactions with the child ... that their interactions with their son or daughter are supposed to change from that very moment forward.

    What I've seen is that parents just know, never ask anything, and the children just keep the company and pursue the interests they want. Most likely, someone's friends might know, as in actually being told, but the parents will never bring it up and still know. I guess it could be denial but if they sort of know and just roll with it without chastising, lecturing, and panicking, then that's an acceptable way for parents to handle it. Am I off base here?

    ---------- Post added 12th Jun 2013 at 08:36 PM ----------

    Add: and when a person brings someone home, they deal with it in a nonchalant manner as well. There actually are situations that roll out that way. As in no drama. It's probably not the norm, even today.
     
  5. Martjain

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    I have the exact same problem, although not quite.
    One day I was talking to my sister and she came out to me as bisexual, I intermediately came out to her as bi too. We have a brother too (they are 26 and 25 yo) and she told me she's told our parents but not my brother, and they reacted well, of course as shocked as a parent can be but well nonetheless.
    She has a boyfriend now so the situation maybe is not the same but we are indeed 2 bisexuals and 1 heterosexual.
    As for coming out to my parents I don't have any problem, cause I know my brother is straight, and my sister leans a bit towards straight.
    If you're worried about how they will react, I can say that I don't think that should be a problem particularly BECAUSE there are 2 gays in the family, you see, IMO if the two of you come out together it'll be easier for you and your parents.
    If you're worried they'll never have grandchildren the both of you can adopt, and if you can't, you have your brother as a safety net.
    Hugs!
     
  6. Slime

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    Thanks for the advice, it really means a lot to me.
     
  7. Bobbybobby99

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    I have a gay uncle that I am not related too with AIDS (as if that contributes to the discussion)
     
  8. biggayguy

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    There is some circumstantial evidence that my cousin might be gay. He doesn't date girls. He loves musicals. His free time is spent with guys. He is a stylish dresser. I never had a chance to be alone to ask him. Now he lives in another state.

    There was also an older woman who they said was crazy. I believe she was a lesbian. The few times I talked to her she was opinionated not crazy
     
  9. Reptillian

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    @Above: None of those indicate homosexuality. He may just prefer hanging out with guys as friends. I don't date women and I don't date men either.

    Only 1 possibly bi/gay person in my entire large family which includes second-degrees relative.
     
    #9 Reptillian, Jun 13, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2013
  10. Tightrope

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    Another thing with some men who tilt toward having female friends when younger, irrespective of sexual preference, is that they later tilt to having more male friends to pal around with, seeing that some women get married and start a family, are interested and the guys don't reciprocate the interest, or they start making snide remarks, and some other reasons.

    Still, I wouldn't read anything into it. There are very cultured, fashion conscious guys who are straight and some thuggish professional athletes who are gay so, in the end, they are stereotypes that are often valid, but not always.