How does one know when one is ready for a relationship?

When you find yourself falling for someone and they're reciprocating it.

If you have certain specifically relationship-oriented issues, such as abusive tendencies, I would recommend waiting, but you don't need to be psychologically healthy to have a good relationship. You just need to support each other when you're having a tough time.

 

To be honest, I never really had a moment where I went "I'm ready for a relationship, so let's get to it!"
Instead, it was more a case of talking to a guy, talking to him more and more often, starting to talk about more personal issues, stating to actually plan spending some time together, etc...

And of course that's starting from a few steps further back than if you're calling it dating right away, but even there it's going in steps. No one will expect you to move in and set up the wedding arrangements based on one good date.

So I think the first thing to know about "ready for dating" is that you shouldn't have it all figured out. You learn by doing. And at every step along the way, you decide whether you want to progress and how far.
Also, when I say "learning by doing", it's not necessarily earthshaking stuff. It's things you know already. But knowing "relationships take compromise", and actually working out a compromise are two different things, and no matter of armchair pondering is going to tech you how to strike an actual compromise.


Now, I guess there's a few things I was glad to have sorted out by the time I actually made any progress. I'm not going to say they're universal, but you might want to check them anyway.

First and foremost: Sometimes people hope to have a relationship as an easy way out of other problems. Having someone has some substantial upsides, but it's not all roses either. so if you find yourself hoping "and then I'll be happy and loved and won't care about my problems forevermore!", it might be that you're going into it for the wrong reasons. Not that you need to solve all issues before dating (otherwise no one would date), but you should be aware it's not a magical band-aid.

Also, you have to accept on some level that things might not work out like in a fairytale. It might turn out that after some stretch, a relationship reaches its end. If that happens, it will hurt lots. Not all hurt is a bad thing, as it needn't erase the good moments and the lessons you learned.
I do remember at one time thinking "so, if I commit myself to this guy, could I live with the pain if we broke up?". The answer was yes and I stand by it, which was probably a sign I was ready for it.

Finally, it helps to have some support. People to share your thoughts with. Even if you love each other, it's sometimes good to get some outside perspective, people to rant to when you have some frustrations, or even just a friendly ear to tell how well you're doing. As it so happens, you already have us here for that, and I'm sure your efforts at meeting other friends will bear fruit as well!


Really last but not least, though: it's hard to be entirely cerebral about relationships. They're not projects that you can plan and chain to a set of metrics. So no matter what anyone says: if you feel like a situation has potential, it might be just the sign you need that you're ready. And as always, if you need an extra thought, fear not to ask our thoughts!

 

I'm not sure what kind of issues would keep you from having a relationship. In my experience a friendship can sometimes just deepen and become a relationship. It just happens over time. It can be a short time or a long time. Just go with what you feel.