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Telling the straight crush I love them?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by veronicaslolita, Jun 14, 2013.

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  1. veronicaslolita

    veronicaslolita
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    I'm bi and I have been in love with my male friend for about 7 months now. In my eyes, he is perfect and he understands me well. He is aware of my sexuality, and I came out to him 5th out of everybody I know.

    Sadly, I think we cannot be together, he is in a relationship with my best friend, who is like a sister to me. It also makes me assume he is straight, despite the mixed signals i suspect its me pretending he's right for me.

    Anyway, I think it's best that I should tell him my feelings. I've suffered from depression for months now over this and I don't need that, especially now that I'm starting college. It could act as closure for me. I don't feel I have much to lose now. If he is a real friend, he will support me (even if he doesn't return my feelings), if not, then it's just more ammo to move on. At the very best, he's having a rough patch with my best friend, they're suddenly not getting on very well, so he may dump her and get with me (0.001% chance of this but always think positive). We are both no longer at school together, so I can simply evict him my life if it gets to the worst.

    Annoyingly, he is still part of my main friendship group? I will have to sacrifice some of my friendship time with our mutual friends to hang around with newer friends.

    What do you think? Should I tell him? If so, how? Text him, write a letter, speak to him. I feel kind of selfish for putting pressure on him, but If I do tell him, I'll, let him know that's its ok to feel awkward etc.

    Thanks for any help.
     
    #1 veronicaslolita, Jun 14, 2013
  2. That1Guy

    That1Guy
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    I've been in that situation and have told my straight friend about my feelings so I know how you feel to that extent, but first of all I think you need to come to a realization first (if you haven't already), that you'll more than likely never be in a romantic relationship with him and he will probably never look at you in the way you look at him. Thinking that he'll dump his GF and get with you is more fantasy/wishful thinking than reality. That is if he's actually straight, just throwing that out there.

    With that being said, and if you're in a close friendship with him, you could tell him how you feel but do so at your own risk. In my case we were best friends for years so I could tell him pretty much anything and he wouldn't look at me differently. Some straight guys could be sort of "weirded" out about it and things could get awkward between you two which could be bad for your friendship or even put it at risk.. That may not be the case for you, as I know nothing about your friend and how he could react. But either way, if you feel it's best for you to tell him then you probably should. Just try not to expect extremely unlikely outcomes because you'll more than likely be let down.
     
    #2 That1Guy, Jun 14, 2013
  3. Lexington

    Lexington
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    What I usually suggest people to do is to tell them something like this: "I've been noticing I've been getting some feelings for you that I'm pretty sure aren't returned. So I'm thinking I might need to take some time away from you to get my head back in the right place." This lets them know what's going on, but it also makes it clear that you're respecting THEIR feelings, and you're taking step of your own initiative to put things in a better place.

    Lex
     
    #3 Lexington, Jun 14, 2013
  4. veronicaslolita

    veronicaslolita
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    Ok thank you for the responses.

    I've spoken to a friend about it and she says it's going to be awkward and hard, but since it's ruining me, I need to let it out.

    I've to way 3 weeks until I can say, as we have several parties and events together, so it's going to be major awkward. I'm also concerned about his girlfriend, she is my best friend but I'm not sure how she's going to react.

    Nevertheless, if I lose friends, I lose them, at the end of the day, I know I have others who can support me and I've got college where I can meet newer people.

    I plan on telling my love via a letter or message. I understand it's not the classiest or even respectful ways of telling him, but I for one suffer terribly (medical issues) with my nerves and because I'm expecting a rejection, I know it's going to put immediate pressure on him to respond to me positively. I'd rather he'd read it through, have some moments to get over the initial shock then come back with a real answer, that can avoid the drama and tension.
     
    #4 veronicaslolita, Jun 15, 2013
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