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"The worst thing"... Please read, Help.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by robotman, Jun 14, 2013.

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  1. robotman

    robotman
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    This is my first post, I plan on posting alot more things but this is my starter thread, so be kind lol. I decided to join here to vent my feelings and just talk to people.

    Please read the whole post, I know its alot to read but I need answers :help:

    Where do I start... Basically I knew I was gay from about the age of 12... I found it very difficult at high school because I felt like I had no one to talk to. I didn't tell or talk to anyone because I felt I would be judged or their opinions of me would change. I went through years 8-11 not telling a single sole. I found it so difficult because I just felt so alone... I had loads of friends but just no one I thought I could actually talk to about my feelings... When I left high school I lost contact with so many people because I just went into my shell I didn't want to go out or talk to anyone or do anything. When I went to college everything was the same, I made a friends (I am an easy guy to get along and I am always nice and friendly to people) with people but I never found someone who I got close with to open up to. After I left college I again lost contact with most/all of the people I met.

    I am now 19 and working in a company (my contract ends in a couple of months)... but I feel so lost, I just don't know what to do with myself in any aspect of my life, I have literately no friends and no one to talk to. I came out to my sister and mum a couple of months ago because I thought if I told them, things in my life would magically change... I thought I would be happy, I would no longer feel depressed and that I would suddenly make lots of friends and meet loads of people who I can connect with and who are also gay... but I was wrong, nothing has changed. Whenever I try talking to my mum she doesn't want to hear anything and says "everything will be fine, you won't feel like this forever" or "I don't know what to say to you anymore". My sister has her own life and to be honest she just brushes off everything I say and I don't think she takes how I'm feeling seriously. I can't tell my dad as he is completely homophobic, he says "gay people are disgusting, they should all be put in prison, etc..." even my mum and sister said I should never tell him. Its quite difficult in my house as whenever a gay person comes on TV or any gay thing is mentioned my dad starts ranting and since my mum and sister know about me it makes everything even more awkward.

    But that isn't what is bothering me, the thing that is bothering me is that I am alone and have no one to talk to. I just want to meet like minded people and make friends, I think I am honestly a nice person so I don't get why I can't meet people. Like everyone says 16-24 is meant to be the "most fun of your lives" yet mine just feels like hell. Every night I sit and wonder to myself if its all worth this stress, like should I just die... I mean most people my age are going out, partying and having fun... yet all I do is sit in my room on my computer.

    I mean If I had one aspect of my life sorted I would be okey... like if I knew what I wanted to do in the future I would at least have something to work towards or if I had friends I could go out with I could think "at least I have people I can talk to" but I don't, I feel like I have nothing. The worst thing is I feel like I deserve to be happy and free without doing a thing... I just feel like because I'm a nice person good things should happen to me. I know that is kind of naive but I mean I'm not wrong for thinking that way? am I?... I mean if karma is real I deserve some damn happiness and not constant misery all the time. I can't keep living like this... I have been drinking a heavy amount of alcohol by myself, everyday, for a long time now to cope with everything and although it eases things, I still wake up the next day and the same cycle repeats itself. So I know it isn't helping anything... but I mean something has to change.

    The worst thing is I feel if I wasn't gay, I would have a pretty simple and easy life and that I wouldn't have half of the stresses that I do now... Feeling/thinking like that actually makes me hate myself for feeling this way in the first place, but obviously its not something I can help as I can't choose who I get an erection for.

    What should I do guys/girls? Can I have suggestions/help please.
     
    #1 robotman, Jun 14, 2013
  2. AKTodd

    AKTodd
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    Ok, various thoughts here:

    First, you are not going to meet people, or do anything else with your life, if all you do is sit at home alone.

    Second, I'm sorry, but I've yet to encounter anything in life that leads me to think that good things (or bad things for that matter) just happen to people because they 'deserve' them. If you want good things to happen to you, by and large you are going to need to go out and make them happen. Sometimes something randomly good (or randomly bad) may happen to you. Enjoy the first and learn to roll with it and keep going for the second.

    Unfortunately, it somewhat sounds like you are actively taking steps toward some bad things happening (or becoming more likely to happen) with the drinking issue. I'd strongly suggest cutting way back on the alcohol, up to and including therapy or a support group if necessary.

    Third, I think it would be really helpful for you to find someone to come out to. I get the sense that you sort of have a barrier up around this area that keeps you from getting close to people or moving beyond a fairly superficial 'friendship' that doesn't last in the longer term. Note that the idea of college friendships all lasting a lifetime is largely hogwash. I'm like you in that I get along with people pretty easily. And only one of my friends from college is still a part of my life. Part of that probably stems from my childhood and part from a personality that gets along well with folks, but also tends to just move on when they do. Ok, I'm not seeing them anymore, I'm not hugely inclined to keep in touch. With one or two exceptions.

    If you aren't out, this may make things worse since you aren't really sharing your true self with people. You might find yourself connecting better with people who know the real you and/or with other LGBT people like yourself.

    Fourth (and to be totally honest) - I am getting a sense or feeling that you might be having some issues with depression. I'm certainly not a mental health professional, and there are others here with a far better handle on this sort of thing than me. But just saying what I'm feeling. If so, some sort of counseling may be in order.

    Putting this all together, I'd suggest the following:

    a) Start putting some serious thought into what you'd like to do next job-wise. It needn't be the career of your life, just something to put money in your pocket and maybe help you continue growing as a person. I don't know what you do, so can't suggest anything specific, but my best friend (the one from college mentioned above) highly recommends the idea of getting on with a temp agency. You get to go check out a bunch of different employers and maybe fields and if you like something and they like you you might get a full time gig out of it. Or at least more job experience.

    b) See if you can locate an LGBT center in your area and/or look into local Meetup groups or clubs or whatnot. If they are LGBT, great, but even ones that aren't explicitly such might be good and have open minded people in them. And you can socialize and maybe do something you enjoy with others. And it gets you out of the house and doing something. Along with things you know you like, maybe look for groups that do something you've never done but might be interested in learning or trying. Or even something a little outside your comfort zone.

    The LGBT center/group can bring you into contact with other people like you who you can be out to. Which I think would be a good thing for you. I suspect your situation with respect to your family is causing you more distress than you are letting on. Having others you can be yourself with can help immensely.

    c) Stop doing the drinking alone thing. And cut way back on the drinking. If you find that to be really hard, consider support groups or professional help.

    d) If the depression thing sounds on the mark or if others here are getting that same vibe, then look into what sort of counseling services may be available in your area. There may be free or low cost services that you could use if money is an issue.

    The bottom line is that you are going to have to put in some work (but hopefully have some fun in the process) to get out of the rut you seem to be in. But it can be done:slight_smile:

    Hope this helps,

    Todd
     
    #2 AKTodd, Jun 14, 2013
  3. Aldrick

    Aldrick
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    Welcome to Empty Closets! (*hug*)

    AKTodd pretty much wrote everything that I wanted to say.

    There is no such thing as karma. Good things happen to people who make good things happen. That requires action. Posting here is a good first step.

    Your next step should be looking toward finding a LGBT supportive therapist. Getting counseling would be helpful in moving forward, I've found it a great way to keep me accountable.

    I'd also suggest going to a nearby LGBT Meetup, the nearest local LGBT Center, LGBT support group, or all of the above.

    Finally, about the drinking - I agree with AKTodd, you need to cut back on that. It's a bad sign that you're using it to cope. Hell, you could even look up local AA Meetings. That gives you the opportunity to begin meeting new people, and from there you can branch out.
     
    #3 Aldrick, Jun 14, 2013
  4. robotman

    robotman
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    Hey Todd thanks for replying... I have been looking into what I am going to do next and I am currently looking at volunteer work, I just want to help people. Talking about the next steps to take, I have been looking at joining various clubs/centers but I think I am just slightly nervous, I have no idea why but I just am. The problem is I know I have to get out there and do things to meet people but I find actually going out there and doing them hard. I am just nervous and I don't even know what I'm nervous of lol... I erm...

    I would say I am depressed, but atleast I know whats causing it so that's a good thing right? I mean if I can sort out my issues then I won't be depressed anymore and won't drink. I am going to look into things and see what I can get going, thanks again for the message Todd.

    ---------- Post added 16th Jun 2013 at 08:38 AM ----------

    Thanks aldrick, I wish karma was real... it would make me feel better lol. Thanks for your reply, I will just do as I said above and see If I can join any of the centers you both are talking about =).
     
    #4 robotman, Jun 16, 2013
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