Ugh Father's Day

My dad isn't a homophobe. He's actually very accepting of the LGBT community but i still hate fathers day because he treats me like a piece of shit and he blackmails me and makes me feel guilty because he keeps a "roof" over my head. I'd rather live on the streets

 

I dread it. My dads a homophobe and racist. He said that if me or my sis brings home a black person we are getting disowned. Yeah not my favorite person...
Definitely not telling him anything, he says he loves me but I know if I came out he'd just disown me. Not that I REALLY care, but I don't feel like being disowned by my whole family just yet. Tomorrow the only guy Thats getting told 'Happy Fathers Day.' is my stepdad, and that's cause I have to.
I hate males in general, which sucks cause I am gay. Lmao

 

It's stories like these that reinforce my opinion that respect needs to be earned, that no one is inherently, unconditionally deserving of respect. Parents, family, authority figures, elders--if they don't respect you or they aren't respectable, they don't deserve your respect, no matter what we've been spoon fed to believe to the contrary. Them's my 2¢, anyway. I can't really contribute to the topic itself because my dad's not that bad. He's moderately racist and refuses to admit it because he had a black best friend growing up, and he has issues with handling frustration, but I don't dread the prospect of seeing him.

 

I'm really dreading Father's Day this year. That wasn't always the case, but over the past few years, my dad has caused a lot of pain for my mom and I, and it sickens me to think I'm going to have to say "Happy Father's Day" to him. As if he deserves it. Originally my mom wanted to take him to breakfast but thankfully I managed to talk her out of it.

 

I have to say that I love fathers day, because I have a great relationship with my dad. He's always been there for me and supported me. Even when I came out, he said that it was "a lot to process" but that I am his son and his love for me will never change or falter and he will support me in whatever direction my life takes.

My heart goes out to all of you that don't have the paternal relationship that I have been blessed with.

 

My dad lives in Georgia; about 800 miles from Ohio. I don't have to see him or stay with him. We make small talk on the phone around once a week. My parents had a rather nasty divorce. They couldn't be in the same room for a while after the divorce. When I remember all the crap that went on during the divorce it makes it hard to pick out a Father's Day card. Most of the wonderful things the cards say are simply not true for my dad. The best I can say is that he did give me a good childhood by taking me places and doing things with me.

 

O God I hate fathers day this year. I have no desire to say happy father's day to my dad but if I don't he will blackmail me with what little money he sends us...and this will be the first father's day without my grandpa who was really the only true male role model in my life. I miss him...

 

My father and I have had...a pretty dysfunctional relationship. Terribly so, at times. And thus...Father's Day card shopping is a huge pain. There are few choices left by the time I get done filtering out the "You're the greatest Dad ever!", cards making endless fart jokes, and cards that are uncomfortable due to some family issue. There have been times I've actually had to shop 2, 3 stores for a card, which does not amuse me.

 

Well, I dread it for different reasons.

I sincerely dislike celebrating the majority of holidays. As such, I have a habit of just forgetting them...



Last year I didn't get my father anything. I assumed he was like me, and didn't care. I was wrong. It "hurt his feelings." This year I made sure to buy him some beer (I mean...what else can I get him but a card? lol), but I suppose I better at least text him tomorrow.

Begrudgingly. :dry:

 

I am ambivalent towards fathers day, my dad and I are dysfunctional in that we dont have a father son type of bond because he was gone for long amounts of time working when i was little, even now he's here one week, gone the next, but its been better. He's the only family member that i came out to and nothing has changed, he's smart and not racist, so I can only complain that we aren't "tight"

As for cards my rule of thumb is that if you can't find one that fits the bill, either make one yourself or just don't get one, its all cheesy anyway unless you know he really loves cards. I've actually found out that.I only give cards to people I don't know, people I dislike, and people I really care about.

I also like to give practical gifts too so they feel alittle more personal, even though I don't have a card my dad is a big beer guy, he's got stuff from all over and has good taste (which sucks because now I have good tadte and cant partake in college parties because, well, shit beer) he even told me that he knew I was probably going to drink, and that it was okay eccept i wasn't allowed to drink 'piss'

So what do I get the guy? A book about everything beer and descriptions of 350 exotic beers he can potentially try.

Now mothers day I fucking hate, mainly because 60% of the time I can't stand my mom, she gets cards and its not because I care hint hint

 

I think this should also be called 'Bash a twat day' (For all the ignoramously useless fathers in the world). I couldn't really care less about this day, even if I tried. (Why don't you plan something, in advance? Like going over a friend's house? Then you might only have to text your father, and, even then, you could 'forget').

P.S. Shirley Bassey is the best. I particularly like her latest album.

 

I am the father of three beautiful children who are growing in wonderful and interesting ways.

I am a father, and I have made 76,563 mistakes while bringing them up, well...no one's perfect.

I had a stepfather who I detested.

I buried my own father two years ago, I never knew him, he left when I was very young and I saw or spoke to him only occasionally, but I cried nevertheless when his coffin went into the ground...

 

I have a fairly good relationship with my father lately,as he has eased off the whole 'Macho Man' thing, maybe because he suspects me being gay? In any case I am getting him a dog figurine as a present. He prefers elephant figurines, but I couldn't find any.

---------- Post added 16th Jun 2013 at 07:31 AM ----------

The whole "suspects I am gay thing" is actually rather probable, as I have randomly said the word "Fabulous" and "Taste the Rainbow" in odd situations.

 

i think your glasses are nice. i would have complimented them. no actually i'd have been to shy and just ignored you and everyone else, probably just have sat in the corner like i always do, waiting to leave...ugh

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i can't be bothered for days like this, when my father needs me, i'll be there for him, i'm a decent son (i like to believe), we don't get on too well - so why fake it for one day? i know ultimately he probably won't accept me for "who i am etc.". i don't plan on coming out, i plan on drifting. now i'm just rambling.

 

I wouldn't go. Tbh.
He sounds like a mega-prick in general.

 

Rakkus, your father sounds like a jerk.

OK...I know I'm not telling you something you didn't already know...

A few random thoughts:

First, his dream of law school may be more fantasy than anything. Yes, lawyers can get well paid. But there are, the last I heard, more lawyers than we really need. I've heard only the top lawyers can expect to be well off. Even in the late 80s, my mother's lawyer said to me that her practice was such that the only reason she was living as well as she was living was her husband's salary. (And she was driving a Mazda RX7, not a Mercedes SL.) You might point this out next time this topic of conversation comes up.

Although, Rakkus, I will say one thing about you as a possible lawyer: you seem to have a lot of fight with issues you care about (circumcision comes to mind). But law is not the only field where that sort of fight is valuable.

As for your father's dream of grandchildren... This is only based on what you've said in this thread, but I know from what I read that I would not want him spending much time with my kids if he were my father. (And if I had kids.)

And no, I don't think you are wrong not to go and clean his carpets. Why be slave labor to someone who treats you so badly?

I know you don't want to think about future meetings, like next Father's Day... But your comment I just quoted does raise a real concern. In your place, I would not go with him without having a backup plan to get home on your own if things turn really ugly. This could be your mother agreeing to rescue if you things turn ugly. Or else equipping you with a short term loan to cover a taxi if worse comes to worst.

 

My father had a temper, but I got along with him ok. He could talk feelings. But I know, from friends and others, those who cannot. A guy is not supposed to feel. That's the part about the initial post that bothered me the most about the characterization. It's my mother who has a harder time talking and validating feelings. It has been a big source of stress.

I'm sorry it went along the lines of what you predicted.