Sorry this is long, but I'd appreciate some help.. Im 18, I swim with the varsity squad and over the season I developed a crush on one of the boys who was doing some coaching for us.. but he's 27. So obvs I accepted it would never be, enjoyed his company etc and moved on. We bonded a wee bit in the van home from a out of town meet, it was just us two for the last three hours because the other people in out van were on their way to nationals so we left them at the airport before driving home. We played car games and got quite competitive, he gave me shit because apparently I flirted with the cashier in wendys, we talked quite a bit contrary to my regular quietness. A few weeks ago he found out that I'd been having a wee bit of a rough time with depression etc and offered to help me out. We talked on fb a fair bit before this but since then it's become almost everyday and we started texting too. We met up once a week or so as well to go over work for assignments etc. Conversations 9 out of ten times are initiated by him. I'm quite introverted and interacting with people isn't exactly my strong suit. He always sits beside me instead if across from me when we meet up, he often reaches across me or puts his hand on the back of my chair- its kind of like hes just always a little bit in my personal space, he'll sit beside me on a couch so we are shoulder to shoulder even though there's more room. Recently he's been away at a family thing for about a month and since he went away he insisted that I emailed him and we talk on fb a lot, I deactivated my facebook for a week while exams were on and so he text me internationally instead. He invited me to join a couple of the boys squad memebers and him for lunch after training one day. And theres also a meet out of town (about six hours) and he asked me if I want to go watch and so we are going up together to watch it for the weekend. One time we were both at a friends 21st and we spent the evening pretty much the whole time in each others company- nothing happened of course from what I remember but we were standing quite close to each other etc, cue smart ass comments from the other swimmers the next morning.. He's a genuinely nice guy and he's really been helping me out a truck load with life and he is always just looking out for me and making sure everything is good and Im making smart choices. So sure maybe he likes me? But I really don't know I mostly assume hes just being nice but it seems like he's going the extra mile just a little bit more than everyone else. I just don't really know I mean for one thing I'm ten years younger than him so surely he wouldn't be attracted to me, I have fairly low self confidence too and I know guys don't like that. He's made a few jokes about me being the sort of person who would sleep around etc and one time he was like 'sorry I was distracted watching that girl out the window' and he's going away in a few months when he finishes studying because he isn't actually ffrom here so he's going home. I kind of just want an outside opinion on this because I know my views can be altered by what I want to see
It's hard to tell. He may be genuinely just looking to help you and be a supportive friend... or he might have other motives. a 10 year age difference between 18 and 28 would likely have a lot of problems due to the inherent power imbalances, particularly if you are shy and introverted. I would personally suggest that you would be best off keeping him as a good friend than letting it develop into anything else, because if you did carry it further and it didn't work out (which is very likely), you'd almost certainly lose the value of the friendship, which would be a pretty serious loss.
Thanks, I see what you are saying by keeping him as a friend and to be honest I think itll end up that way no matter. I was just starting to drive myself nuts trying to figure it out. He's moving away a few months after he gets back from holiday.. I do appreciate his friendship a lot and when I think about it I'd be just as happy him being with someone else than me, I am always hopeful he's going to find someone who'll make him happy because I know he's had it rough in the past with relationships..
