Are some people just meant to be alone?

I've been interested in your threads since you started here at EC in March...what happened to the "completely lovable, cuddly, ditzy twink" as you called yourself then?

No, you don't need someone else to make you happy, but happiness just is, and can't be planned for...happiness is not unrelated to "happenstance", it's an unexpected thing and, by definition, cannot be expected from someone else or from yourself.

By virtue of being human, we are social creatures, the chances for happiness (and misery!) are certainly there in a relationship...if there is an unhappy imbalance, more misery that happiness, it is often times necessary to end the relationship, but it does not follow that you are destined to be alone.

You might indeed need some "alone time" to figure out what you like and what you won't tolerate in others, to find strength and confidence as you build your own life, and from that, a certain degree of self-respect...without which loving someone else will never be possible.

 

No, you do not need another person in order to be happy. I think another person can add/complement your happiness, even helping you find happiness through their presence and support, but they are not an essential part of happiness. Not in a relationship sense, at least not for everyone. Loneliness can be eased through friendship and family if the individual feeling that loneliness has the right personality, similarly some people are perfectly happy living in complete isolation from other human beings.

However I think the motivation behind thinking about whether living alone is better should be explored. Sometimes when we are dissatisfied with our current relationship we may find ourselves thinking that somehow it would be better if we were not in a relationship, or that we're not supposed to be in a relationship due to how we're feeling. My concern would be that the drive to live alone comes from feelings connected to how the relationship is progressing, or indeed changes in the mood of the person feeling this way. If you're unhappy with yourself it is difficult to be happy in a relationship, or indeed to feel that you are made to be in a relationship.

Providing you are not isolating yourself completely from everyone, and the issue is solely how you're feeling in regards to your relationship with your partner, then there's nothing wrong with seeking to live alone for a period of time. Especially if through taking that alone time you're seeking to come to a better place in regards to how happy you are about yourself.

That's just my own opinion though, and since I'm quite antisocial and prone to going "this relationship does nothing for me anymore, bye-bye" it is possibly not something you should read without a huge bucket of salt.

 

I'm sorry to hear that...it may indeed be the cause of your lack of enthusiasm for the relationship. Have you sought help?

 

IMHO, It's better to be alone than in a caustic relationship. It's no fun being with someone you end up hating. :tantrum: :bang: :tears:

 

Oh sugar, depression will make you feel like almost everything is a waste of time and effort. You can't listen to the depression, you have to dig a little deeper and find your heart's true voice somewhere beneath the apathy and darkness.

There isn't a thing wrong with being single and staying that way, if that's what makes you happy... BUT you need to separate what's going to make you happy from the feels of futility that depression creates. (*hug*)

 

It depends on what being alone means.

I am not good relationship material. I am good friend material. I like having friends and acquaintances. In that sense, I am not alone.

However, if you want to be in a relationship, then not being in one could indeed make one feel alone and it might require that you evaluate what is going on with you and/or those around you, to better understand what you need.

I've also heard, and even felt, that you can be in a relationship, or surrounded by friends, and still feel alone. Loneliness is relative but if it bothers you, it needs to be addressed somehow.

 

I would like to believe that there is someone for everyone, so no I would not say "some people are meant to be alone". To me you sound like you don't want to be in a relationship at the moment as you aren't getting anything fulfilling out of it. Maybe you should just take a break from the relationship for a bit and see what you want? What ever you do, don't worry dude, things always work themselves out in the end.