Living a lie

God, if anything could accurately describe how I've felt for years, it would be this post. A few days ago, my sister told me out of nowhere that she almost started crying in the car because she realized I couldn't be myself with our family. Maybe it's because I've grown immune to it, but I think I forgot how upsetting it is.
Everyone hints at me all the time about finding a boyfriend and last night my uncle was pushing me about how many dates I've been on because there's no way I haven't been on any apparently, but I couldn't tell him anything since they've all been with girls.
I hate the way it feels like a lie. Do you think they'd really disown you? Are any of your family members at least tolerant of the LGBT community?
If you ever start feeling suffocated or overwhelmed, coming out to anyone really helps. Like, a small acquaintance even. c:

 

I really understand. I have a kid and I am married so I don't get that stuff, but I want to be able to move past this point in my life. I don't want to have to sleep next to my husband anymore. I want to feel like I can talk openly about a girl I am kind of into.

I am not worried so much about not being accepted, but not being believed. That and my in-laws trying to talk my husband into leaving me. He wants to help me through college because he knows that is best for our son.

So, you are not alone. I really hope you feel better soon.

 

Trust me you aren't alone, I'm getting tired of continueously living a lie and not being able to tell others for the fear of rejection (considering i don't have many particularly close friends, it would be devastating for me if rejection were to occur) plus i'm a complete introvert and passive person who can't seem to muster courage to stand up for who i truly am

As for my parents i also get so sick of hearing my parents talk about how much they gay people and consider them the devil.

I also feel so pressurised to live in a society where people prefer to ostracize and ridicule others without much understanding. It makes me wish i hadn't live most of my life in Singapore

Also don't get me started on the number of times they asked me "When are you going to get your wife" or "Where is your girlfriend?"

Bottom line is you are not alone

 

You've pretty much just described my situation. I also wish I didn't have to go through this and everyone was just accepting of everyone else that's different.

 

Hawaiianflower. I'm confused, are you still married? Have you just recently started liking girls? Sorry if that sounds noisy

Not at all. I've told my story on here before.

Yes I am still married. I have be aware that I "appreciate the beauty of women" for years. I finally admitted to myself and my husband that I am sexually attracted to women several month ago. I realized that I am a true blue lesbian about a month ago.

I kissed the girl I mentioned 10 years ago. :/

Looking back I know I have always been a lesbian. I'm glad to finally have figured it out. (!)

 

I used to be in that situation. Some events out o my control happened and now everyone but my family knows unofficially.

My advice: if you come out things will be diferent nit younwill have such a liberated feeling. Think it over, do you still want to hide it or are you ready for people to know? Think it over, is it worth hiding or is it better for them to know, only you can answer that

 

I know exactly how you feel. I've been in a relationship with a guy for 10 years. Honestly up until the last 18-24 months I've been in serious denial. Honestly I've known I was gay since I was probably 10 or 11. But I just couldn't accept it. So I blocked out and entered a world of denial. I was going to meet a guy, force myself to fall in love, and make a life with him and ignore everything else. Well I did and everything was going smoothly. I do love him but not in a romantic way. Then in 2011 I met a woman and we hit it off. We had a wonderful connection and chemistry. We were both in a relationship though and nothing ever came of it. But it made me realize what I was missing out on. I can no longer push it away and ignore it as badly as I'd like to. I hate it. I hate the lies and I hate that I feel so empty inside.

But coming out right now is just not an option. My parents are very religious and very anti-gay. I can't even imagine what their reaction would be if they knew I am gay.

 

I wouldn't recommend it. Sure I was able to make it work in the short term but I found myself right back in the same spot, only now there is another person stuck in my web.

 

I'm out to a couple of people, but I still feel like I'm always lying.

My situation is complicated. Everyone expects me to like boys, which I do. But nobody expects me to want to look like one. It gets tiring, playing along, hearing my family go on about how I'm a "beautiful woman" and I must have plenty of boyfriends. I never realized just how much my family likes to point out gender until I really realized I felt like I was put together wrong. The most frustrating thing is my dad - he likes to say how much I remind him of himself when he was younger, but "the opposite gender".

I get asked about the guys I'm seeing, whether or not I'll get married, how nice it would be if I had kids someday, or the more general "when you have kids of your own". That one is the most crippling. I don't want kids, and I definitely don't want to make them myself. My family knows this, I assert my feelings on the matter strongly, but they always get this look, and insist that things change.

I get harped on for not being feminine enough by my extended family, generally between two and five times a year. I'm a pretty feminine guy, but there's something off about me as a girl. And that's the frustrating part. I'm doing all of this hiding but it's like it doesn't matter. And I just want to come out and say "hey here I am deal with it - I am wearing the three piece suit, and no I will not wear the heels" but I don't think they could deal with it. My sister, she's open and supportive, and was very excited when DOMA and Prop h8 were overturned earlier, and I don't think she really understands transness well, but my cousin and I somehow got onto the topic and after talking about it for a few minutes she seemed to get it and be supportive there too (which is good news for me if I ever pop out of the closet). But I think she's the only one in my family that won't be grief-stricken if I come out - and with the passing comments made by some of my more conservative relatives, I think she might be the only one to support me at all.

adsfgdh sorry for the ramble, tl;dr, i totally feel you and I'd give you a hug if you wanted cause I know I want one sometimes when I think about how much I hide.

 

Emz

I completely know how you feel.
The feeling of how your parents and family won't like you because were gay or lesbian.
The feeling of breaking their hearts of knowing that their perfect son is not so perfect after all.
The feeling of how you'll never bring them grandchildren.
The feeling how the world isn't on your side.
Yea I know the feeling.
And it's hard to live with. Isn't it?