Another gay guy needing relationship advice

This is actually my first thread, but I've decided that I need some new perspectives, so here it goes:

I first met my current best friend, C, through our university's rowing team. We struck up a friendship just as I was blind-sided by my first male lover, R (although we were all "straight"). C and I ended up being founding fathers in our fraternity and became best friends over the course of our freshman year (although he's two years older than me). At the same time, R also joined the rowing team in the Spring, and I fell back in love with him and we resumed our quasi-relationship.

The fall of my sophomore year, C and I both decided to live in our frat's house. At the same time, R told me he was planning on pledging BYX (a Christian fraternity which bars gay members from joining) instead of my fraternity, so I knew what that would mean. Two weeks later, in our school's food court, with me fighting back tears, R dumped me for a second time. I walked back to my frat house, went upstairs (only C and I have upstairs access) and got drunk on cheap gin. C got back in the early afternoon, and could tell I was extremely upset. I ended up telling him everything about R and I, but included "I don't think I'm gay; I just think I'm straight with homoerotic tendencies" (I know, what does that even mean?) he didn't say much, just that it didn't matter to him. During our conversation, however, he asked for more details on R and I's sexual involvement, which first made me wonder about C.

Over the course of my sophomore year, I came closer and closer and eventually came out to myself after watching Brokeback Mountain for the first time. I felt so connected with Jack Twist that I knew I couldn't deny it anymore. Not much happened in terms of C and I; I'd talk, he'd listen and we just understood each other really well. One day in April, he asked me how I felt about R. I told him I was completely over him, but that I no longer thought I was straight. In fact, I was pretty sure I was mostly gay. He told me that it didn't surprise him, and that he accepted me for who I am.

A few days later, and me telling him the whole process, he asked me if I wanted to watch Brokeback Mountain with him. At this point, I knew he wasn't straight, but so long as he didn't acknowledge it, neither would I. That night I had an extremely vivid sex dream about him, which troubled me. I didn't want to fall in love with another guy that couldn't be honest with himself. But at the same time, I noticed myself start missing him. I'd hope when I was home that I'd hear him coming up the stairs. And once he'd get out of the shower and turn towards his room, I'd glance at his butt (we also both work out together). Then finals came along, and we were out for summer.

I live in Texas, although he lives in Alabama, where we both go to school. We were texting each other often, and I noticed that I'd feel a little happy every time I saw his name come up on my phone. One night in May, I asked him (via text) what he identified as. He came out to me, telling me that the emotional bond I described as having with guys, he shared. I asked him how he felt about me, and he said he liked me. I told him I liked him too, although I didn't think we should start a relationship.

It's important at this point to note my family situation. My mom is passive-aggressively homophobic, but highly perceptive (and according to my eldest sister, suspicious of my orientation). I came out to my eldest sister who lives two hours away, and she's been incredibly supportive of me. My dad works in a town 4 hours away, so I seem him every other weekend, but he's been largely emotionally absent from my life (and almost entirely physically absent my teenage years). My second oldest sister hates me to the extent that she doesn't even look at me. And, we moved to Texas after I left for school (we're from Alabama), so I literally have no friends here. Needless to say, I'm lonely a lot of the time.

Back to the story, I text C often. At first, we sort of send flirty texts after I've had a few beers, but at a certain point; my lust and desire for emotional connection with anyone overwhelms my logic and we start sexting each other. Then we talk about starting a relationship, and effectively do. He came to see me at my house in Texas, and it's a bit awkward at first (neither of us had looked at each other in a romantic life). But I had such a feeling of safety and security with him, that again, emotional desire overruled reason. We kissed, then had sex, showered together, but most importantly to us, we'd just hold each other and cuddle.

He left after a week, and then went to his annual training for the national guard. That left us little time to really talk or skype, but we'd still text each other non-stop. Then the doubt started to creep in. I'd shut it out, but he'd occasionally make comments about a future together (after we graduate in a couple of years) and I knew I wasn't really ready to think about things like that. So I told him as much, and I could tell he was a little hurt. Then one day, my sister and I got into a huge fight about how unfair her life is and woe is she and all this bullshit. I wanted nothing more than C to hold me, and tell me it was all going to be ok. But he was still at his training in Hawaii, so I felt like he was in another universe. Then I remembered R, and about all the people I know in Alabama that "don't agree with my lifestyle", and I broke down and cried in a way I haven't cried in years.

Then I noticed my emotions, in all aspects, began diminishing. I no longer gave a shit about my sister, was content to play mind games with my mom, and even felt myself texting C a little less. He questioned me on it, and I told him that I didn't know what was happening. I started feeling really guilty, like I had been leading him on the whole time. I then asked him, point blank, did he love me. He said, yeah, I think I do (and admitted to having a crush on me for nearly a year). I felt my heart drop. Here, I had validated his affection with... infatuation? I'm still not sure. But less than a week later, (which was three days ago) I told him I couldn't be his boyfriend right now. That I wasn't ready for a relationship, and that if I was so emotionally unstable around my family, I'd just end up hurting him (which I think to be true). He asked me if, when we get back to school, we could try it out again. I told him that I couldn't honestly answer that, because I don't know if my emotions will come back or if it really was just infatuation. I do know that we'd skype and he'd occasionally say something that would give me that warm feeling inside, but I honestly don't want to hurt him any more than I already have.

Since breaking up with him, things don't really seem that different, because we're again, states away from each other and have only been together physically as boyfriends for a short week. I know I have an extremely deep emotional bond with him, because he was there for me when no one else was. And I even had a sex dream about him last night, although my sex drive has completely dropped off (which is a big deal for me, since the first 24 hours we were together, he made me ejaculate 7 times). Physically, we're both attractive, but I'm not personally physically attracted to him. The thing is, physical attraction is usually the last thing to fall in place with me. With R, we were involved sexually long before I felt myself physically attracted to him. But I don't want to have a sexual relationship with him, hoping to eventually become physically attracted to him, because that's incredibly selfish. At the same time, I don't want to sell us short by not giving it a shot. Surprisingly, our friendship is still intact, and he's coming up again to see me, and we plan on going to a Pride parade while he's here.

He means a lot to me, but I don't think about him constantly as he does about me. And I think, my previous failed relationship with R (who was also my best friend before we became involved) may have made me incapable of dating someone who's so close to me (All our friends our mutual, we're living together during the schoolyear, we work out together, we go to church together, etc.). I just don't know how I should handle this. I've read some other pepoles' stories involving best friends, but I'd just like to see if anyone has any idea about how I should handle this.

Thanks to those who read, I know it kinda got ADD there towards the end, but that's pretty representative of my thoughts right now. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.