Just so you guys know, this is a continuation to my previous thread, 'Figuring out if this guy is even into other guys'. So let me get started. Since my last post to the thread, I think my friendship with my crush is going down hill. becauseonger see him in the morning before school starts, when I say hi to him he doesn't acknowledge it and one time in maths I put my stuff down because I was going to sit there and he's like 'aww' and moves away to sit with his other friends. There are rumors flying around that he is in a finished reship with a girl. He has indirectly confirmed this though I don't know the identity of the girl. The only upside I've had is that after I finished reading out my poem to the class his clap was the most notable out of the class and when other people finished reading he didn't clap as loud. We talked a bit after that class, at least. What should I do now? I still have a mad crush on him but I also want to pursue a friendship with him. Any advice is appreciated and goes a LONG way. I'm still convinced he's gay or at least bisexual.
Top tip: it would have been better if you had continued on from your older thread. It's not that old. You'll probably get better responses. But anyway... You sound a bit like I was before. If he is moving away when you sit down next to him and he doesn't acknowledge you when you say "Hi", it sounds like he's finding you overpowering. I, just like you, have a tendency to become a bit obsessed with other people, people I have a crush on, and people I want to be friends with. And everything I do is consumed by them. And it's too much. No-one wants to be friends with someone who is so intense about being friends with them. Part of being obsessed is reading into things that probably don't mean anything. For instance, the idea that his clap was louder for you could mean something, but it would be odd for him to be supportive if he doesn't acknowledge you and moves away when you sit next to him. It wouldn't make sense, and he's not trying to give you hidden messages. It's nice to think that if he whole crush thing doesn't work out, that you can still try to be friends with him. But that never worked for me. It's a delusional goal, because you are constantly teased about the thought of what could have been. Anyway... if he is just out of a relationship with a girl, that's a pretty good sign that he's not gay. Yes, he could be bi, but after reading your previous thread and this post, I'm not entirely sure there's much of any evidence to suggest he is. What do you think the evidence is? Finally, if you really do want to pursue a friendship with him, you need to give him some breathing space. Maybe leave it go two weeks without being the first person running over to him. Let him come to you. Don't chase after him. Then he won't feel overpowered, and may consider actually being friends with you.
Ok I know it's not the best thing to judge if he's gay/bi by going with stereotypes but its all I have. -Loves Drama -Most of his friends are girls -I tried putting my leg against his. It took about 10 seconds for him to pull his leg away It's not hard evidence though. Today in maths we finally started talking again. We talked maths stuff (Answes to questions, discussing scores on a recent test we did that we and other people got). I really wish that he would come out because I'm almost convinced he's gay/bi. Keep the advice coming!
I think you kind of ignored my whole point about being too intense. Yet, I know the feeling. Seriously, I do. But you need to stop being so obsessed with him at the moment, and given him at least a week's breathing space. Let him be the one to come to you. If he doesn't, in a week, you can go back to him. I've done that leg thing with so many people, and it has never, ever been a good indicator of whether someone is gay or not. Unless he is very obviously camp (i.e. "flaming") then there are no ways to predict if someone is gay or not. Loads of straight guys like drama, and having girls as friends isn't the best predictor either. The only way you'll ever be able to find out is if you decide to tell him you're bisexual and you get the courage to ask him if he is. There's no point otherwise. Anyway: you need to give him some space. Don't go out of your way to approach him for at least a week. OK?
I do think TwoMethod has the best advice here. I've never been obsessed before with someone so I haven't had this problem ... until I got a boyfriend. I wouldn't say I'm obsessed, but infatuated is pretty close. I constantly have to tell myself "don't text him today, just wait." So I would give him some breathing room and also (though I know nothing of love and relationships) it would be a good measure to see how'd you be when in a relationship. When me and my boyfriend were just friends (before I was even 'out' to him) I was never constantly wanting to talk to him, but once he asked to hang out ... alone, I always want to talk. So it's best to remind yourself that people need space and once in a relationship, you don't want the obsession to get worse. Take what I say with my inexperience in mind. But it seems that TwoMethod knows what he's talking about.
