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I feel like they're ignoring it and/or don't believe it

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by FightingShadows, Jun 19, 2013.

  1. FightingShadows

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    I came out to my parents and friends as Transgender back in February/March, around there and things have been okay. My friends support me and my parents were shocked but felt alright about it.

    The thing is, it hasn't been talked about much to my parents. My mom had told me that no matter what she was still going to call me by my birthname and that I'd always be her little girl. That hurt, but I let it go because she had just found out and everything so I didn't want to push too hard. But it's been months and there has been no progress whatsoever. It feels like I had never told them anything because they never acknowledged it. The last time anything was said was when I had told my mom that my aunt was unaccepting and decided not to talk to me anymore which actually shocked her.

    Today, we were sitting at the kitchen table talking about everything and nothing and we had gotten into the topic of how my brothers and I had acted when we were growing up. She had gone on to say that she always knew I was a girl and yadda yadda...and of course that was like a punch in the stomach. I mean, yeah, I did stupid girly things as a child only because my mom never let me go catch frogs or climb trees with my brothers. I had to stay home where my only companion was a girl next door who was actually my best friend, but always used to force me to play Barbie's with her and other pretend games that I secretly hated.

    I just feel like, of course my mom sees me/saw me as a girl back then because she never let me do the things I wanted. To her I'm still that little kid out on the porch playing Barbie's with the girl next door and I'm still that little kid who used to cry when she left me at school and never wanted to be without her (although, after saying I was such a girl, she says my brother was the same way).

    So, I dunno, things with her are weird. It's like she talks about me being a girl and then remembers what I told her and kind of backtracks or something. I just feel like no matter what, she'll never see me as the guy I am, the one I'm trying so hard to be. :icon_sad:
     
  2. Boyfriend

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    "that I secretly hated", you write.
    Then how come you expect your mother to know? In your mothers´ eyes, since it seems you never protested, you were a girl.
    Telling her that you are a guy, isn´t going to change memories.
    So, it´s hard for her to see, unless you start being a guy in her eyes by doing what she feels like "ungirly" things or guy things, and/or go through physical changes.

    Tell her that it hurts if she keeps insisting that you are a girl or were such a lovely girl.

    Bring the subject up once in a while, in a way that there is no doubt about the fact that you are a guy.
    Ask her if there is a particular aftershave or other product she likes for you (or take her shopping even).
    Ask her opinion about your clothing, haircut, whatever, get her involved.

    Put her with her nose on the facts so she will ajust her mindset automaticaly.
     
  3. FightingShadows

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    I do involve her in things. When I get dressed I ask her how I look or how my hair looks when I gel it. It's just what kind of threw me yesterday was, we went shopping an on the car ride home I asked her how she liked the clothes I bought and she goes, "I like them, they're pretty." And I was like, "Pretty? Guys clothes aren't pretty." (They weren't feminine-looking by any means) and she quickly corrected herself saying that she meant to say cool. And that's just kind of why I think no matter what I do, say, or wear, nothing will ever change. I mean, obviously it's hard for her and I've tried saying, "Ya know, if you're ever curious, you can ask me anything and if you want to, I'll share things online with you so you have a better understanding." But she said she wasn't ready yet. Understandable. But she hasn't asked anything since. Even though she "supports" me, I think she's in denial.
     
  4. spockbach

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    Oh man, that seriously sucks. I know she means well and all, but how painful for you. Remember, you aren't always going to be at home with your mom and your life is going to be made up of so much. One day you'll have a life away from her, and the more comfortable you are as who you are, the more comfortable she may become about your full identity. Do not give up hope.
     
  5. Boyfriend

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    She said she liked your clothes and you only pick up the fact that she used a wrong word. How about the fact that she actually likes YOU in THOSE clothes, thus as a guy?
    To me that looks like she accepts it and can see you as a handome lad... even if she describes it with the wrong word, which she corrected when you pointed it out.

    As an outsider it looks like she´s trying.
    I´m trying to imagine what it is like if my mom would say that she´s a guy... I think I would make some mistakes at first.
    You always have been a guy, so you are used to it, and now you want to be treated the right way, which is only logical, but for her it´s new.

    I know this doesn´t sound very supportive to YOU. And I will say that I understand that it must be totally frustrating, and I hope she adjusts soon.
    I don´t live with her , so I might have a totally wrong idea, but from what you write it sounds that she just has to get used to it but has accepted you.

    You are probably just looking for support and not so much for advice, but I would like to say what my mom always tells me and that is try to look at what she says, the message, and not so much at how she says it.
    But yeah, sure, correct her.

    I really hope things will get better, a good relation with a mom is nice.

    (*hug*)


    I can´t imagine what it is like for you, to grow up as a boy in a girls´ body and it must have been upsetting throughout your youth if your parents weren´t aware of it.
    I would like to read personal stories about that kind of situation.