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Advice

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by BabyKoalas, Jun 19, 2013.

  1. BabyKoalas

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    Hey everyone,

    Hope you're all well. I'm not really sure what category this post should be posted under. So if I post it under this and you all think I'm and idiot- sorry!

    Please be gentle if you do decide to respond. I'm a little emotional and people telling me that I should have known better or that I'm a fool isn't really what I need haha. (I promise I'm not this bossy usually :slight_smile: )

    Today is a pretty devastating day for me. But for you to truly understand, you will need some back story first.

    Almost a year ago, I met my first love. I was scared because I’m gay and hadn’t been out for a very long time. But all went well at the beginning and I was happier than I had ever been. She had a son, who was apparently between her and her ex girlfriend, but with their friend donating sperm. I loved him just as much and thought he was the cutest. The happiness didn’t last very long though. She never wanted to commit and be in a relationship with me. There seemed to be a lot of secrets. She never wanted me to drop her off at her house, or go to her house. At first I thought it was because introducing a stranger to her son needed to be done slowly, and I completely understood that. It wasn’t long before I found out that she had been lying the entire time we had known each other and had actually been with him the whole time. That, in itself, hurt more than anything.

    But she said that he was abusive and didn’t treat her well and me, being the idiotic sucker I am, decided to forgive her and try to be there for her as a friend. It hurt me every day and I would always be thinking of them together, but the thought that the abuse might be true made me stick around in case she needed me. She began treating me badly in other ways too. Not just lying, but ignoring, playing mind games etc.
    They all went on holiday together a couple of weeks ago and got back today. At which point, I found out they’re getting married. When I found out, my heart beat so fast I could hear it, and I felt like I was going to throw up.

    Everyone has been telling me to walk away at every point of this story. Warning me that it would be better. And yet I’m always drawn to her and don’t know how to get past the hurt. I don’t know how to move on and it scares me. Everyone always suggests the same cliché. “Just give it time”. But as more time passes, I feel more hurt. Each and every time I pick myself up there is another blow with the whole situation. I’m not a negative person by any means. And I’m not a pushover. I’m fiery and outgoing and ambitious. But this has well and truly stumped me. I feel lost and just don’t know what to do or who to reach out to. Everyone tries to help me but nothing they say makes it any better, as much as I appreciate them being there.

    How do I move on?

    How do I get past this?

    It’s put me off wanting to meet other girls and I feel really guarded. Not ideal for my first little venture out of the closet. I feel like I should of stayed inside where it was nice and cosy.

    Any kind words/advice would be appreciated as I feel extremely lost at the moment. (People being nice to me usually overwhelms me and makes me cry, so if you could include a jokey insult or the dancing banana smiley, that would be most appreciated- got to keep your sense of humour eh...)
     
  2. lawRAWR

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    I personally think that this would actually be your solution. I understand that you will probably find it difficult to trust someone again after what she has done to you, and that is completely understandable. But I think that if you find another girl, then maybe that might take your mind off everything.

    This does sound like a really tricky situation, and my thoughts go out to you and what you are feeling at this moment. I'm always here if you want to message me, I'll be glad to lend an ear.

    And please don't cry, this woman that you have described really does not deserve to be with you.

    and here's for the dancing banana part, as you requested: :lol: (!) (!) (!)
     
  3. BabyKoalas

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    I'm glad that you honoured my dancing banana request - very grateful :slight_smile:

    I'm glad that you think what I'm feeling is understandable. There's always a worry that people will think I'm being stupid, so I tend to keep things to myself sometimes.

    I have tried to meet other girls, but I was always thinking about her - and I feel it's not fair to lead someone on if you know you aren't ready. I guess deep down I always thought there was a chance she'd stop living a lie and choose to be with me. But that's not an option now. It would just be nice to not think about her and to feel excited about the prospect of dating and seeing other girls and meeting someone special, rather than shitting bricks at the prospect of being hurt again.

    Thank you for replying. It really means a lot. And it would be great the message some time- I'm much better at giving advice to other people, than myself. So if you ever need someone to listen, then I'm here also :slight_smile:

    I am desperately trying to find the emoticons to send one back to you but, much like an 80 year old pensioner, I am failing miserably...Seriously, where have they disappeared to...balls.

    Oh! I had to click "go advanced" :smilewave

    Nailed it.
     
  4. lawRAWR

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    Haha, congrats on finding the smilies :grin: :eusa_clap. This site does get easier to use after a little bit! You are welcome, I'm glad to help, I may not be very old (or mature :lol: ) but I'm willing to help :slight_smile:

    And no, I don't think what you have done is stupid, you've been in love and have found it hard to let go, it happens to people
     
  5. BabyKoalas

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    Oh. How did you reply to me but quote what I said? I tried to tick the "Quote message in reply" box, which seemed the logical option, and yet nothing happened.

    Oh pleassseee. You seem pretty mature to me. Also, I'm 23 this year and spent the day at a kids farm playing crazy golf, petting animals and playing on the children's go-karts. I'm not one to judge :wink:
     
  6. lawRAWR

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    You just press the 'quote' option that is in the box you want to reply to :slight_smile: I sent you a wall message also, which will be shown at the top where it says : welcome____ :slight_smile:
     
  7. BabyKoalas

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    I swear I'm not as dumb as I'm appearing:icon_redf

    ---------- Post added 19th Jun 2013 at 09:49 PM ----------

    Also, I tried to reply to your wall message, but it says I need to have posted over 10 times and I'm too much of a newbie for that yet - I'm not just being ignorant :slight_smile:
     
  8. fairlyfey

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    So what's the problem? :bang:

    Seriously, it sounds like she was just using you- and that ain't right.

    You deserve better dear, good luck! (*hug*)

    and lastly: (!)(!)(!)(!)(!)
     
  9. BabyKoalas

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    Yeah, you're right. I think she was using me. Though she fiercely denies it. The problem isn't so much that she'll be out of my life now. More that it's changed how I feel about meeting other girls and has wrecked my trust a bit.

    And as stupid as it sounds (and I know it sounds ridiculous), there is a part of me that feels like none of it would have happened if I wasn't gay.

    Gah, I dunno. Guess I'll figure it out in time. I just wanted to not feel so alone in the whole thing.

    Thanks for you reply though.

    And for the bananas :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: