Hi, It's been great that I finally find a site like this. I am gay and not open about it yet, (I am young) but my problem is just more confusing than that and I really need your advice. I was said to be a good looking and a smart guy and I am good with everyone. I met this guy, lets call him x, last year. He was very attractive and a cool guy. Although we are not close friends, I heard that he had serious family problems, I mean physical violance to his mother by his dad etc. After I heard about this I felt a need to get know him better, so I give attention to him since I had similar experiences in my family. Whatever, he was always nice to me but he acted homophobic to a gay guy in our class. Although I am not openly gay, I always defended the other gay guy against others. When I intervene he always stop his homophobic acts. After a while, he became physically close to me. For several times, he kissed my neck, hold my hands, hug, touch etc. But I mean, he did these not in a friendly way. It was obvious that he had other intensions. But at that time, I was to afraid to have a gay experience etc. So I acted shy against him, sometimes said I did not enjoy his acts to me etc. ( Now I regret it ofcourse). Then time passed and he endlessly continued to stare at me all the time. Although I thought someting happening, I really didnt think about a chance that he could be gay or be REALLY interested in me. Than some time later, he unexpectedly asked me whether I am gay or not. I did not want to answer, he pushed me asking whether I like girls or not. I said why do you care, why do you want to learn, he again pushed me and I said i like girls also. He than said nothing. Then in the summer time, I somehow start to love him. Although we never talk on phone or text, he also start to text me and call me for 3-4 times. But always said he called or texted wrong. I know this is so silly now, but again I was not really aware about him. When summer ended, my feelings towards him became serious and I became thinking about him all the time. He continued staring during the classes etc. so in one day, I called him at night, and asked about some stuff then told him that I like him and I would like to get know him better, He asked me whether I am in love with him( but in a disturbing tone) I said no, just want to know him better. He was kind though and said good night etc. Since than I waited him to say something, at least, respond to me. He never did say anything to me, just nothing. And we stupidly keep stared each other for a while than here I am. Like 7 months passed, he never even talked. For whole this time, he looked at me in the eyes in any possible time, but I became to stressed about him and just start to ignore him at all. Now I am confused. I want to totally forget about him. But I always feel that he has someting to say but he just cannot. Please give me some advice... I assume you all going to say talk to him, but he is just kind a guy that afraids talks and keeps himself secret. And because I cannot assume his behaviours, I am afraid if I ask him wheter he loves me or not, he could be telling about my sexuality everyone and maybe more importantly, he could just humiliate me... P.S: Believe me I am not kind of a guy that is stupid about relationships. But when the subject is him, I just suprise myself. Its complicated really...
This is how I feel at the moment about another guy except he's openly gay and we're actually doing things now (sans sex). Everyone's different, but for me, I'm attracted to personalities and so I have to get emotionally intimate with someone first before anything. Seeing as he doesn't like to talk in person, how would texting work? From what you've given, he seems to be a very unique and mysterious person, so I'm not sure how to approach him, but as someone who's timid about his sexuality, I can tell you that texting has been a good way to communicate my feelings to my boyfriend (even when we weren't together and I wasn't 'out' to him). Through texting, we got to know each other in ways that wasn't possible face-to-face. We didn't hang out much outside of school and there was no appropriate venue to talk about sexuality, family life, and interests with each other without it appearing strange to others. Perhaps, he could be just as worried as you about entering a relationship. So, you don't have to jump into an intimate relationship now or worry about your feelings for each other (in my opinion, at least, as I don't fully know your situation). I would just become better friends and let it come naturally. Then again, I'm not experienced with relationships. Well, when it comes to being a good friend, I think I know about that (hope I don't sound arrogant there!), but in love I'm lost too. All I can say is that when you like someone and you think he/she may too, don't pass up the chance. I wish you luck and keep us posted!
Maybe you can start being just his friend again. To break the ice. Don't mention what happened, just pick up where you left off. He may not know how to approach you. That way you get your friend back and it will give him the opportunity to finally finish the conversation you started.
Thank you for the suggestions! I agree that becaming friends might put things clear, however, I have no idea how to became friends with him. Dont get me wrong, I am quite a social person but as I said before, when it comes to him, all my friendship skills goes because I really dont know what to expect. He is crazy about footbal and drinking- smoking which I am to far from these, he considered cool by others but I know he does not heva much friends and there is no sign of ex- girlfriend stuff in facebook etc. He is also cool with girls, sometimes asks sexual stuff(jokingly) to them but I believe his comfort for girls occurs from his sexuality.( I believe he is gay or bi or questioning). I sometimes want to get over him and especially when I see him, I try to not even look but when I look at him, I 99% see he is staring at me. I dont know why this is so complicated. But I assume I am afraid of his reactions since I am not out and he knows nearly all of my friends and can ruin everything before I am ready.. :/
Well, I guess I didn't pick up the first time that you're still in the closet, so my situation has been different then you as even though I'm in the closet, the person who knows about my sexuality and is my boyfriend (I guess I'd call him that; it's a private relationship) is not. Since he's 'out' it wasn't a big deal for him. Just let it come and I wish you luck!
