First of all, I just recently ( last few months) came out to myself and accepted that I was gay. For a long time I thought I was bi because a few years ago, back when I was pretending to be straight I had a gf. (Even though I have never dated a girl since then or found myself honestly attracted to a girl ever). The only reason I have got myself into that whole situation stemmed from my parents very aggressive homophobia. (Dad threatened to kick me out and disown me if I ever turned out to be gay on many occasions.) (Mom has always said that gays freaked her out.) (My dad has always tired to pressure me to date girls, at one point he even offered 50$ for every girl I brought home. (Never took him up on his offer. (what a pig :bang) This was the reason I had been lying to myself about who I was really was, and who I was really attracted to. I could never see myself in a relationship with a woman and I quite frankly am not attracted to them. (despite trying to convince myself I was for a period of a year) Needless to say, during that time of my life I felt who I was and the life I was living was a complete and total lie and I could not take it any longer. Instead of doing anything stupid, I just got real with myself and did some serious soul searching and heavy thinking for awhile. Long story short I told my parents to get off my back about the whole dating / girl thing and let me be me. I haven't come out to them at all yet even though sometimes I think my mom knows I am. That brings me to my confusion, my mother and I where talking about kids when I said that I really had no desire to have any. At this point she said that when I was happily married with a wife I would change my tune :dry:, I insisted that this was really not the case and that I still did not want kids. ( I really honestly just don't want kids, its just not my cup of tea.) Then she said that she just wanted me to be happy with who ever I ended up with. I asked what she meant but she already kind of walked away (or she ignored me). So even though in the past she has been openly again gays is she now hinting she would be accepting of me? Sorry about the semi-cohesive rant, I just wanted to post a little background on me as this is my first big post here. Thank you all again, finding this place has been a really big help to me. (*hug*)
Wow, what a douche. $50 per girl like they're some sort of game to be bagged? Filth. :tantrum: I'm glad you're rising above that, though. Adversity breeds strength.
Yeah no kidding, my dad has been doing that kind of stuff for the past few years... Honestly the hardest part of all of this has been sorting out all the lies to myself and uncovering myself again. And to think at one time I wanted to be accepted by my father.
Hi BlueLines! I just wanted to chime in and say congratulations for coming out to yourself. I'm glad you were able to cut through the lie you were living. I know you're not in the best of situation with your mother and father, but hopefully you can take some courage in pride in what you've accomplished so far. You are undoubtedly already a better man than your father too. Now to the question you asked, are there any other instances that have lead you to believe your mother might have an inkling of an idea that you are gay? Or is it just the situation that occurred above which lead you to think she might know? It is sort of hard to tell based off of just that occurrence. She could have been hinting or she might've just disregarded putting a gender in there on accident. I'm not sure how much micro analyzing can be done on that. My only suggestion would be to take it as a possible sign, but don't get your hopes up. After I told my parents I was looking for anything that might tell me how they were really thinking. I think I ended up over-analyzing a few actions and comments. However, the attitude that parents hold toward gay people can change over time. When they can no longer put the gay people "over there" and the issue suddenly becomes real, some parents turn out to be accepting right away. Some parents take time to change as well. Gay individuals may freak your mother out because she doesn't know any (I am assuming). Should she eventually find out that HER son is gay she may realize that they aren't so "freaky" after all. Feel free to not answer this question, but how old are you? I am just trying to put some things into perspective.
Your mom knows, and she's hinting that she'd be OK with it. If you're familiar with the 5 stages of loss (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance) then consider that when your parents were first dealing with the idea you *might* be gay, and it's clear they were... they had to go through those stages. Sounds like your mom has done that already and is genuinely... if not excited by the idea, at least ready to accept it. Likely your dad will come around even if you aren't seeing clear signs of it; fathers, because they generally are not very in touch with feelings, are much less likely to openly acknowledge what they're feeling (other than through anger, which is a "safe" and "macho" emotion for a guy). So he might actually be OK with it as well. You probably need to tell them, just so you can get rid of the elephant in the room. Whether you do that now or at some later point really depends on how uncomfortable it's making you.
Thank you, I have been so much happier since then and I have just been so much more comfortable with myself. I finally feel like I am not faking who I am and that is just a huge load off my shoulders. My mother and father always push the fact they want me to be with a woman by saying things like you will find the right girl someday or you will find a good wife eventually, etc however my mom will occasionally say things like "we just want you to be happy no matter what that looks like." Or along the lines of "you will find the right person for you some day", etc. But this doesn't happen very often at all. I am going to be 18 soon however I still have one more year of school, after that I have every intention of moving out quickly after the fact. I guess I really never thought about it like that. I just didn't know if she was trying to hint at being accepting or if she was just phishing. I never really tell my parents whats on my mind or how I feel most times. So I am really not too sure. On the other hand, I am really starting to see what you are saying. Like they put me through all of that crap during their 5 stages of loss. When I think about it all that way it really starts to make a lot more sense. I don't quite have the courage to come out to either of them yet, but that elephant sure makes the room seem small.
Knowing that know I would agree with Chip. It seems like your mother probably does know and is hinting at the fact. She probably just doesn't know how to talk about it so she drops those subtle hints every once in awhile.
I think your mom knows....(kinda how my mom figured out). Your dad needs some serious help. Tell him to take the 50 dollars and :***: himself with it. :tantrum:
mum's always know ;] omg what if mine knows :0 my mum said something like that the other day. i told her i want to adopt children, not have biological children of my own, she then told me i'd have to consider my future wife, to which i just was like yeah whatever... ---------- Post added 23rd Jun 2013 at 11:06 PM ---------- oh and my parents would probably disown me etc.
Yeah, I have accepted a long time ago that my dad is an :***: ...... He pulls stuff like that all the time... That is what I always mumble under my breath as I walk ways from my mom after any conversation involving me and a wife. (With the added extra of rolling my eyes...) As far as my mother knowing, I am just going to give that issue some space for awhile... I'm just not comfortable coming out to my parents yet. But I guess I take some comfort in knowing it won't be that big of surprise to her when I do. In other news, I came out of the closet to my best friend and he just said, "Yeah, I have always known since the first day I met you..." So that was not what I was expecting... :eusa_doh:
