Give up on this? Friend related issue.

I worked for a larger place prior to my current job. There was a department next to us where I had several friends and knew everybody. Coffee and lunch invitations were like nothing - people just asked and I just accepted, or vice-versa. The whole vibe was very relaxed.

There is a guy who worked there. He is somebody I would have befriended just because we have a lot in common such as being close in age, schools, etc. He is openly gay, though doesn't discuss it at work, but does some social service work with the GLBT community outside of work. In interacting with him, he seemed somewhat uncomfortable or slightly edgy. It's a reaction that I got from no one else at this job. He is on my Facebook. I told him I've got to get over there to visit some people and suggested lunch. Silence. I think he knows I'm a conversationalist and don't want anything, based on this same rapport I had with all the other co-workers.

So, between the silence and his edginess in other situations, would you just forget all about even trying to befriend this other adult guy? What do you think the edginess was all about? He also seemed like he walked on eggshells on Facebook, sort of like I wasn't in his clique. Any thoughts?

 

No, he is being himself. Everyone knows of his community involvement. He just keeps things separate. Considering your age, EPC, let's just say I could have fathered you and leave it at that. LOL. This person and I are a year apart. Hanging out wouldn't have worked. I think he's got his social circle and has the attitude that he doesn't need any more friends. I just don't get all weird about a lunch invitation. And I don't get the general edginess from minor interactions in the workplace. On Facebook, you have a nice shield from having to interact, so it's not a big deal to be on someone's Facebook. Unless someone is in competition at work or really, really dislikes someone else, having lunch is not a big deal. At least not to me.

 

Spare me the eek part, ok? JUST KIDDING. I think the celebrity crushes and links, along with comments, I've posted would be indicative of a different age. As for "Crazy Stupid Love," I prefer Steve Carell to Ryan Gosling by a mile.

His personal life is quite open on Facebook. Anyone could just click on his list of friends.

 

Bump! This crosses my mind. Could the fact that this person is out and does work with the GLBT community outside of work doesn't want to deal with the fact that my sexuality just isn't declared in any way and that, for him, that supersedes other things we have in common? Any thoughts?

 

Thanks, Mystory, we don't work together anymore. I think this person doesn't want or need additional friends, though I am an acquaintance and not a friend. I wonder if he's cliquish to the point where you have to already be in his circle, which I am not looking to enter, per se. Odd for someone who has these altruistic gigs on the side.

 

Ok, I'm quoting myself here. I was on vacation and this person accepted my lunch invitation when in town, now that we don't work together. We talked for 2 hours and had a great time. This is someone I would like to keep as a friend. He has a lot to say (which I figured ahead of time) and is very in touch with life matters.