Difficult Mothers

"they'll be gone one day" that one thought throws all the frustration out of the window

 

I personally don't think that's a viable option, unless you want to distance yourself from them, because that's what is going to happen if you start thinking that way. If you care for them and you want them to know the truth right away, go ahead, not without considering the outcome (for example, if you live with them, they may throw you out, just covering all the alternatives). I think parents usually accept their children, ofc they need some time to adapt and understand that future they wanted for their kids will not be the one they desired, but as long as they're happy it is ok.
In a personal note, I'm just planning coming out when I graduate from college and get financially stable, just in case something goes wrong, but that's me, and I don't know if I will be able to keep this from them until then.
For now just know you're not alone.

 

For some people distancing is the best you can do, after a while they're more likely to listen to your opinion.
My mother is the exact same way NewFrontiers, add on to that the fact that she is stubborn, controlling and a very angry woman. I chose to stand up against her and kept her out of my life for about a year and a half(?). I haven't been happier since. =D

 

(*hug*)

Oh, I know a thing or two about difficult parents.

Thing is, some people never change, some do. Only time will tell. Right now you live at home, I assume? Well, one day you won`t. Then you`ll be free to put time and distance between you and your mother, possibly even fixing the problem when she realizes you are pulling away from her. Sometimes that`s the only way that they`ll see sense.

I wish I could say that parents always see the light in the end, but sometimes they don`t. Sometimes our relationship with them isn`t as good as we would like it to be. But a good and healthy relationship requires two parts to do equal maintenance work. All we can do is be patient, understanding and emphatic, even in face of ignorance. If you do this, then at least you will know in your heart that you did your part, the ball is in her corner. We can`t make people think or react the way we want them to, sometimes we have to just accept that they`re not perfect people, and then consider to what extent it`s healthy to keep them in our lives, and how much time and space they should have in our lives. A toxic mother/father who will affect us negatively, should be kept at a bit of distance, because when it comes down to it, you have to protect yourself. At the same time, keep your eyes tuned for signals of changes in her attitude, which may come in time.

For the time being, try to see her ignorance and stubborn attitude as something to be pitied, like a sort of emotional handicap holding her back. It`s just as bad for her, as it is for you. Toxic people hurt themselves as much as others. So, continue dealing with her with empathy and understanding, and most of all, patience. You can`t control her behavior, you can only control your own and hope it has a positive effect in the long run.
Hopefully one day her eyes will open and her view will be less clouded by hate.
(*hug*)

And you are not alone, we`re here for you!

 

i mean they'll be dead one day. and it's not just my parents i have to think about anyway, it's the whole family. it'll certainly be disruptive, and i've never wanted to be that person.

good luck with your coming out! (*hug*)

 

My mother is very unpleasant to be around, let alone live with. It's like every time she comes near me, she sucks the will to live out of me. Her method is: emotional terror. She constantly talks down to me, belittles me, lashes out at me and just generally takes out her frustration on me. I (emotionally) distanced myself from her a long time ago but she still gets to me with the things she says and her stupidity. I don't love her at all, and I definitely don't think of her as my mother, more like a disobedient sister.
(I hate talking about her negatively because all it achieves is making me appear in a bad light, because I keep thinking what kind of person talks about their own parents like that..? But she really is horrible to me.)

 

I have accepted my parents are homophobic and ignorant so I solve the problem by not talking to them about LGBT related topics or anything relating to my personal life. It's really quite sad.

 

(*hug*) It's terrible to have homophobic relatives.:icon_sad:
I've still not given up on my mother. Maybe I should (but I secretly do it to annoy her)...Ever since I came out to her, I send her lots of LGBT related articles on facebook once a week. She never seems to read them, or mentioned them:bang: but I take her silence as a sign to keep it up.:lolVery childish, I know.)