Hello, EC members! This is my first post here. Sorry if this is going to be a bit long. Thank you so much if you read it all. Thoughts would be very appreciated! I've been dating my boyfriend for soon to be 11 months now and he has made me realize I am a lesbian. He was literally the person to tell me, "You're a lesbian." All of the signs were there, but I'd always have an excuse for it and tried to suppress how I feel. I would get urges and thoughts like, "I need to be with a girl. I would be so much happier." He is all that I have. I don't have any friends and I don't talk to anyone but my family and him. I had attached myself to him and, in my mind, made him seem better than he really was. As of right now, I am accepting the fact that I'm a lesbian. He has actually known for a long time that I was and thought that me being lesbian would be the end for us. He seems to not have a problem with it, as long as I find him attractive and love him. The problem is, I am nowhere near as attracted to him as he is to me. I don't like sex at all or any sexual things... only kissing. I think he's adorable and I love him as a person. Recently I have been feeling like I don't love him because of my urges to be with a girl. If I loved him, why would I want so badly to be with a girl? I think about it so much and I have cried a lot because I realize that our relationship is just going to deteriorate and there is so real future for us. With that, I think we should break up. It is obvious that we should break up, but I love him. Slowly now that I am accepting being a lesbian, I am feeling more detached from him. We both realize we will break up eventually, but he thinks there's no point in breaking up if I still love him. I don't have any friends to talk to about this, so I came to the forum to get some thoughts on what I should do in this situation.
I think you are right and that you need to break up. You may love him, but it sounds like you aren't in love with him. There is a huge difference between the two. I think it is better to break things off now when there is still a chance of preserving the friendship rather than dragging things out. If you wait too long, you may lose the friendship as well. You need to be with someone that can make you fully happy in all aspects of your life and it sounds like that may be a girl.
That reminds me of how I was with boyfriends I had before fully realizing and accepting that I'm lesbian. I could kiss them because they were just adorable, awesome people and such but I couldn't have completely legitimate-feeling relationships and/or sexual relations with them. It didn't feel right.
