I feel utterly and completely trapped in my relationship...

First, I want to say that this is a complicated situation, so I apologize in advance.

So I've been dating this guy for a while now. It hasn't been a year yet and I'm already feeling this way. I love him death - honestly, I do - but it's certainly more of an emotional connection than anything else. For nearly half of our relationship I've felt this way and I've been too confused to act upon anything for fear of making stupid decisions.

For one thing, I'll say the obvious - he's my first major boyfriend. I've had flings every now and again, but they were spaced years apart during my high school years, so with him it was a welcome first time for everything. But to be honest... suddenly I'm having an urge to try things out. Different people, I mean. I want to experiment. I already know I'm not the kind of person who finds one and only love. I want to make sure I'm getting into the right relationship, but in this relationship that urge is quite strong.

I think that continues coming up because he reminds me we're gonna be spending the rest of our lives together, that we're going to be married, etc. I used to believe in this too - first relationship things, you know? Now every time he mentions it I have to hide my frustration.

This isn't even the major problem here.

My boyfriend is schizophrenic. Having known a few, I knew what I was getting into and was willing to accept that. Not a problem for me and I'm more than willing to help and learn the best I can.

My boyfriend, however, tells me that often times people with this disorder have a link to the real world to tell them what is reality and what isn't. Usually it is a person and, of course, it's me. I'm his link to reality, he tells me.

So now, of course, if I break up with him or want to "take a break", he loses that link and he may attempt suicide, do self harm, become seriously depressed, etc. The thought of that terrifies me. I care about him so much, and seeing that happen and knowing it'd be my fault would be devastating. So now I'm trapped here.

He wants to room together in college this coming semester, and we're signed up to do so, but part of me continues to want to explore and meet new people, rather than continue living together. And our parents are not so thrilled, but honestly: I couldn't say no. He claims he needs me (for the issue listed above) and we practically lived together last semester so we might as well because "we'd end up doing it again".

Holy mother of God. I know this is a risk to even type this for fear he might discover it, but I've been so lost these past few months that I have no idea as to what to do. I need help, and I need advice. I'm suffocated, and that's how I'm viewing the rest of my life. I don't know what to do... please, anyone, give me help.