I'm in love with somene who may never want me.

So EC, October of last year I met this girl online.. I shall call her R. Ugh, she's amazing and I started to realize after a while I had a crush on her. Even though then I was with someone else. (Who's not a big part of this story) Well now me and that girl that I had been with are broken up, but before I even left her, I had admitted my feelings for R. She told me "I did have a crush on you." I can't remember her exact words, but she made it clear like she was trying to get over liking me that way. Well we flirted a lot even though I had a girl then and my crush on R only kept getting greater. I don't think she knows just how much she means to me.. Well now I'm here, she knows I still have a crush on her but we don't really talk. She's on my facebook and I message her at least once a day. (She only seems to reply early in the morning's around 10 am or so) Just yesterday when I read her reply to my message.. Well, I had told her that I still wished I could be with her. And she said, these words exactly, "I'd be the worst girlfriend ever because you'd only get to see me once in a blue moon." But I still can't stop thinking about her. I do it constantly, though I doubt she ever thinks about or misses me that much. I mean really I don't care about not seeing her as long as she makes some time for me. At least get on to see me I dunno.. Once a day for a few hours or so.. I would never cheat on her or anything if we were together. But I don't get why her.. R lives nowhere close to me, I'm in Texas and for her I forget. But she's far away. And I have the chance to move on.
My ex, let's call her B? Even wants me back. But I wasn't ready since having my heart broken by someone else. (Not R just another girl I had dated) Well B wants me and says she's willing to wait for me to be ready and everything.. But here I am, my heart just longing for R. Why. I don't get it. I mean I know by this point I've fallen madly in love with her. And I would do anything to show her that. But she's so out of my reach, and I don't get why it has to be her. I mean I don't see either girl all that much, but it seems obvious I should be wanting someone who I know loves me, right? I even wrote about R in a journal I'm keeping for my thoughts. I've loved people this much before, or at least thought I have but the feelings don't remain when I don't see them for this long. Sure I message her at least once a day or something but that's not much.
And I'm wondering if this is something more than I think it is..? I've never been really and truly.. Well, madly in love with anybody. At the moment I can't even date unless I hide it from my dad. I'm not even sure R would want to be with me in like a real relationship or anything. I have heard B tell me she wants to meet me and be with me, but I just don't have feelings for her like I used to. I mean she did leave me once. >.< I just wish I could know how R felt and I wish that I could explain how much she means to me. Though I kind of fear getting rejected.. Because she might not like me in that way or she could say no since I don't get to see her much.

I'm sorry if I rambled too much. I just needed to get this off my chest, really. This is the only place I could think of to turn. I need to know if I should just give up and move on or what.. And it would also be nice to know I'm not completely alone on this.

 

Yeah guess you're right.. and I have told R how I feel, as far as having a crush on her. Though when I tell her "I love you" she doesn't really know how much I do.. -sigh- I guess I'll have a talk with her later or something. m mostly just worried about ruining our friendship I guess. Had that happen more than once.